Everyone eventually encounters someone who operates from a place of cruelty. You might not choose to be mean because you care about the people around you. Some people feel otherwise. These are some common reasons why people enjoy being the villain and may not ever want to change.
1. They feel safe being mean.
The brain’s job is to keep you alive, not happy. Interpersonal safety is a key motivator in why people choose to be kind or become a bully. If someone experiences heartbreak or shame, they might become mean to feel safe in future relationships when opening their heart through compassion and kindness. Cruelty is a way to communicate that people shouldn’t mess with you, which some people think prevents them from encountering similar heartbreak or shame again.
2. Their brains don’t feel pity like everyone else does.
Pity makes people feel more compassionate and ultimately extend kindness to other people. Some people can’t do that. Whether it’s due to their DNA or trauma that changed their brain, villains don’t feel pity or empathy very well. They’ll be cruel because their brain doesn’t react in any other way.
3. They enjoy using fear as a means of control.
Sometimes, people talk endlessly to maintain a sense of control in social settings. Other people become mean. Gaining a sense of control is comforting, whether you’re a good or bad person. Making people scared of you means you’re in control of that dynamic, which can feel good for people who are scared of vulnerability.
4. They rarely feel remorse due to their brain chemistry.
Remorse means genuinely regretting your actions and wanting to choose differently next time. People who don’t feel compassion likely won’t feel remorseful because their brains don’t work that way. Instead, they view their actions as justifiable because they’re protecting or defending themselves.
5. They have low emotional intelligence.
People with low emotional intelligence don’t want to keep an open mind when listening to people. They block out anything that humanizes people because they only care about what’s best for themselves. Whereas you might choose to be nice to avoid causing someone pain, a villain won’t care whether another person feels pain or not.
6. They see cruelty as a survival method.
Childhood trauma often leaves people in a permanent survival mode. Anything that feels risky also feels life-ending. If they become a cruel person, they might think people won’t mess with them. It guarantees a better chance of survival, even if living alone is harder than shouldering life with people you love.
7. They previously suffered while trying to be good.
Abiding by rules of politeness doesn’t mean everyone will always be nice to you. When some people get hurt while trying to be a good person, it leaves them so infuriated that they decide not to care about being nice anymore. They don’t see the point in it. However, being mean can make people stay far enough away that getting hurt feels less likely.
8. They enjoy gaining social power by being a villain.
Imagine every trope about popular kids being bullies in grade school. Their meanness gives them social power because other people are too afraid to contradict them and make them angry. That kind of power is intoxicating for people who discover they prefer being a villain.
9. Their low self-esteem demands degrading people.
When you don’t have high self-esteem, it can make you feel less important than other people. People with villain tendencies overcome this by degrading other people. If you mock someone, it will likely degrade that person’s self-esteem so they feel worse than you do. It might satisfy a mean person’s self-esteem rather than building their worth on the good they put into the world.
10. They don’t want to be the victim of a bully again.
Getting bullied can feel traumatic, whether the bully throws punches or not. A villain might feel terrified of that trauma happening again, so they go to extreme lengths to appear untouchable. In doing so, they become the bully themselves. It might be something they’re willing to live with in order not to be the one at someone else’s mercy again.
11. They direct unprocessed anger outward.
Ignoring your anger is a form of holding on to it. When you’re holding on to intense anger for a long period, it explodes outward because it has to go somewhere. They may become cruel to people who aren’t even directly involved in their lives just to feel a little less tension in their hearts.
12. They can’t deal with their jealousy in healthier ways.
Jealousy also inspires people to do cruel things. It might stem from a long-term issue with their self-esteem or ability to trust people. No matter the reason, villains might become more cruel when they feel jealous of someone’s skills, identity, job, or another thing they don’t already have.
13. They accepted they can’t change their ways.
If someone has been acting like a villain for years or decades, they might decide not to fight their mean instincts because they feel impossible to change. Although you can always break a habit or investigate an instinct, villains don’t care enough to make positive self-improvement efforts. They might not have enough regret for the pain they cause or the energy to change what feels fundamental to their identity.
14. They lack an identity outside their cruelty.
Picture someone who spent their entire life painting. If they lose their ability to paint, they might not know who they are anymore. The same thing can occur when people recognize that cruelty is a core part of who they are. They might not try to change anything about themselves because their newfound search for their identity would feel worse than inflicting pain.
15. They don’t have to trust people if they’re always mean.
Trust is another form of vulnerability. When people break your trust repeatedly, it might make you not want to open up again. Villainous people take it a step further by actively pushing people away with cruelty. They don’t have to risk trusting someone if everyone finds them repulsive.
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