As a society, we have written and spoken extensively about what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman, but we haven’t come to any definitive conclusions. If anything, the subject is more confusing than ever. The psychologist, Carl Jung, suggested that there is an aspect of the feminine, called the anima, in men and an aspect of the masculine, called the animus, in women, and that incorporating both halves into the self will lead a person to greater wholeness. This idea is mirrored in the Chinese philosophy of Yin and Yang which says there are no opposites, and that seeming opposites like masculine and feminine are actually dependent on and balance each other. So, if you want to find a balance between your two sides, start here with some undervalued masculine traits everyone should embody.
1. Being Assertive
A firm and confident demeanor can land you a job, keep someone from bullying you, or help you win an argument. Unfortunately, assertiveness is often mislabeled as aggressiveness. But all assertive means is having the confidence and self-worth to stand up for yourself. You know what is best for you, and you won’t let others walk over you.
2. Being Reckless
Boys are generally encouraged to take chances and make mistakes while girls are generally discouraged from such behavior. A little bit of recklessness should be fostered in all children because it leads to more self-assured adults who are less afraid to fail. More innovation and creativity come from people who just go for it rather than stopping to think about how likely they are to succeed.
3. Being able to Motivate
Sometimes you need a gentle hand to help lift you up out of the depths of self-deprecation, but this feminine version of motivation isn’t always appropriate. There are times when you need a fire lit under your butt to get you off the floor and back into action. A motivational speech or song can do wonders for someone who is just in a bit of a slump rather than fully depressed. It’s valuable to know how to motivate in both ways and, more importantly, know when to use them.
4. Taking Responsibility
Taking responsibility doesn’t just mean for your own actions, it also means taking responsibility when there isn’t anyone else who can. Sometimes everyone knows they need to form a union to fight the corporation’s unfair treatment, but it’s up to one or two people to take on that responsibility so everyone else can rally behind them. It’s hard to be that person because you will become the face of the movement and ultimately be criticized, but that’s why this trait is so valuable. We can’t all do it.
5. Being Stubborn
While many people value determination, the drive to push through difficulty towards a goal you feel passionate about, most do not value stubbornness. To be stubborn is to believe so wholeheartedly that you are right, that you don’t listen to other people’s opinions. This is a negative quality if you’re stubborn about everything, but when you learn to hone this quality to remain convicted when others doubt you, it becomes a superpower.
6. Being Selfish
One of America’s most dearly held ideals is individuality. The American Dream is that individuals, no matter their race, class, or gender, can become successful through their own hard work. And yet, we also look down upon selfishness. Like any trait, it can be taken too far, but when used to prioritize your needs and set healthy boundaries, being selfish can strengthen your relationships and improve your mental health.
7. Being Predictable
There is a time and place for spontaneity and a little bit of chaos, but keeping routines and operating on a schedule is much healthier for the mind and body. Doing certain activities at the same time every day tells our bodies that we are safe. And when we feel safe we digest food better, breathe slowly and more deeply, and recover from injuries more quickly.
8. Not Needing Validation
Feminine decision-making is democratic in that it involves proposing many solutions and debating them before a decision is made. While this might be the best way to determine what a group is going to do, sometimes decisions that will greatly impact your life—like who to marry or what field of study to pursue—need to be made by yourself. Listening to your inner guide and having the strength and conviction to make a decision by yourself will get you far in life.
9. Having a One-Track Mind
People often make fun of men for having one-track minds focused on hooking up. But having the ability to focus on one thing without getting distracted is incredibly useful. Whether with school work, a task at a job, or when learning a new skill, the single-minded focus will help you accomplish the task quickly, remember what you learned for longer, and find more enjoyment in what you’re doing.
10. Being Action-Oriented
Taking the time to discuss and deliberate what action to take and when is valuable, but it’s also important to act when the time is right. Too many people value endless discussion as they try to make everyone happy or find the perfect solution. Often there is no perfect solution. And when that’s the case, people who choose to make something happen will at least move things forward. For example, your coworkers might dislike a new policy but disagree about how to get it changed while you simply go up to your boss and talk to them about it. Your boss might not change the policy, but at least now they’re aware that there’s a problem with it.
11. Being Competetive
We all love competition in sports, but we fear competitiveness in other areas of our lives because of the possibility of toxicity. Unchecked competition will indeed benefit the strong over the weak, the smart over the less smart. But if you can foster positive competitiveness within you, it can push you to challenge yourself and learn new skills or get better at skills you already have. As long as you avoid being a sore loser, it will also increase your self-confidence and overall happiness.
12. Being Direct
Many people wish that we could all be a little more honest with each other, but few people are willing to say what they mean. We have euphemisms and social conventions to make interacting with each other smoother. But when those conventions obscure what we actually mean or worse, prevent us from setting healthy boundaries, they are no longer useful. Your cousin might call you rude for telling them directly and clearly that you aren’t going to their birthday party because their partner is disrespectful towards you. But it’s better to upset them temporarily than compromise your mental health.
13. Having the Ability to Shut Off
The tendency to organize and assess possibilities keeps many of us awake at night and affects our ability to be in the present moment. In these instances, there is a valuable masculine trait to implement—the ability to shut off. There is only so much you can do by thinking about a situation you’re worried about. Eventually, you simply have to wait for the situation to happen and trust that you will be able to handle it. Most masculine traits come down to confidence in your abilities, and in this instance, that confidence gives your mind a much-needed break.
14. Being Self-Reliant
Relying on yourself doesn’t mean you never ask for help, it means that you’re comfortable being alone, can be quiet and in silence, can remain focused on long-term goals, etc. You don’t need anyone to entertain you or keep you on track with life goals. You choose the people you spend time with consciously. Cultivating this masculine trait can improve the way you think about yourself and help you stop relying on other people to make you feel good.
15. Being a little Intimidating
As with all of the previous masculine traits, there is a toxic version, but it’s important to remember that we can all take steps to avoid taking masculinity too far. It’s one thing to cultivate an energy that says, “Don’t mess with me.” It’s a completely different thing to start fights unnecessarily or tell people that you’ll harm them if they upset you. You never have to lay a finger on another person or even raise your voice if you learn to carry your confidence and self-worth on you like a cape or a badge.
