I’m always hesitant to use terms like “always” and “never.”
Humans are so fickle and situations can paint themselves gray. However, if you are a practicing Christian, there are a few types of people you should never marry. This isn’t a move to judge others or control people who believe differently than you. Instead, being intentional and specific in marrying someone who honors and practices your faith increases your chances of a happier, long-term marriage.
The Institute for Family Studies delves into this idea, claiming that “religion fosters relationship stability by pushing young adults… towards marriage, which is much more stable.”
With this in mind, let’s consider 15 types of people you should never marry as a Christian.
1. Someone ruled by pride
Proverbs 16:18 (MSG, paraphrase) says, “First pride, then the crash—the bigger the ego, the harder the fall.” Christian or not, you have to admit the truth tucked in here. People who are infected with pride are blind to their own destruction. They allow their false sense of invincibility to rule them, causing them to act with the belief system that they aren’t confined to life’s rules. This might work for a short time, but no one can escape an imperfect world. And as a Christian, you don’t want to be with someone who is so self-centered that you’re caught in their crash-and-burn lesson.
2. Someone indecisive
I’m not saying you should break up with your boyfriend if he’s considering changing his college major. We all second-guess ourselves and are inspired to try different things. However, if the guy or girl in your life can’t decide if they’re committed to you, falling in and out of the relationship status, take heed. Matthew 5:37 says, “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.” In other words, you can’t be wishy-washy in life, particularly regarding your relationships with others. People’s hearts and souls are too invaluable to be rocked back and forth because of someone’s casual indecisiveness.
3. Someone who’s a subtle alcoholic
Most of us know not to marry a raging alcoholic, but notice who’s a subtle one. They aren’t stumbling around at parties or making a scene. However, they can’t sit down to any meal without a drink. They have to refill their glass, slow and steady, at every social function. Alcohol is the only thing that winds them down after a long day or “helps” when things are wrong. Ephesians 5:18 (NLT) says, “Don’t be drunk with wine because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit.” Scripture emphasizes that if alcohol is consuming you, then God nor anything else good can take up space in your life.
4. Someone with an addiction to adult content
Unfortunately, this kind of content so easily accessible these days that most adults have seen it, whether accidentally or not. So the issue isn’t whether or not someone has seen adult content as much as what was their response when it was accessed. This addiction twists God’s design for physical intimacy and degrades its specialness. If someone is addicted to this material, their definition of sex is warped and can easily lead to manipulation and abuse.
5. Someone lazy
The Christian faith is rooted in service and sacrifice. If your significant other won’t even wash their dirty dishes or finish painting the bathroom wall, how can you expect them to truly identify with Christianity? No one is perfect, and each of us needs days for rest and relaxation, but if laziness is at their core, how can they truly put Christ and you above themselves—which is the essence of Christian wedding vows?
6. Someone who worships their career
It’s important to be with someone who values hard work and ambition. Those are commendable characteristics rooted in God’s original command for Adam and Eve to tend the garden He provided. However, when someone worships their career, all other priorities fall by the wayside. Church is no longer a must. Family events fall victim to work meetings. Life, what really matters, happens while they’re stuck in an office. Idols are often sneaky when they appear beneficial or “good”–like working hard and providing for your family. But if they aren’t providing love and presence, what benefit is that?
7. Someone with a temper
There’s nothing wrong with being angry as long as that anger is both righteous and controlled. But that’s a rare practice for most people, even Christians. Beware of marrying someone who has an unhealthy, immature relationship with their anger. If they can’t keep their cool at the dinner table with their parents, how do you think they’ll react at your kid’s ball game when they get flagged by the ref?
8. Someone jealous
Jealousy is fatal to a relationship, but can so easily be masked by the guise of “I just care about you.” If your partner is constantly demanding access to your phone, always second-guessing where you say you are, and showing no signs of trust, this is a dangerous sign. In this case, they are typically either a cheater themselves and are on edge, or they have been cheated on and haven’t healthily worked through that hurt. (Side note: if you’ve given them a reason to not trust you, that’s on you.)
9. Someone bad with finances
Again, Christianity is about service and sacrifice, giving your time, money, and heart to love others as Christ loves us. If someone is bad with their finances, this doesn’t position you as a family to provide for your family, tithe to the church, and have the freedom to serve others in big, powerful ways.
10. Someone disrespectful to authority
If your significant other has no respect for authority, whether their boss, a parent, or even a police officer, pay close attention to how often they disrespect you. This is typically a character issue; it’s a huge dose of pride that makes a person easily offended and on defense. Marriage will always require that a man and woman continuously forgive each other, extending mercy and grace. But if your significant other won’t bend to authority, how will they bend to you, or compromise with you, when it matters most?
11. Someone who disregards the vulnerable
I’m not saying you have to be married to a dog lover or someone who wants ten kids. But it’s important to observe how your girlfriend or boyfriend treats the vulnerable, whether that’s animals, kiddos, or the elderly. Is he patient, gentle, and willing to go the extra mile to help them? Does she give up her free time to volunteer with them and love them a little extra? Christ’s earthly ministry centered on the vulnerable, so it’s crucial your life partner mimics this mission.
12. Someone too agreeable
I can’t remember who said it, but I heard someone say, “If you’ve never had an argument with your spouse, someone’s lying.” In other words, truth purifies. When two people are being true and honest about how they feel, what hurts them, what they’re passionate about, etc., that will eventually collide with their partner’s emotions, thoughts, and opinions. If someone is too agreeable, they aren’t willing to form their own opinions or stick to their convictions. And if there’s one thing that compels people’s convictions, it’s their religion, which defines their identity, purpose, and life after death.
13. Someone who won’t participate in church
It’s on paper that I suffered from “religious trauma.” I grew up in a very legalistic, manipulative church setting. Needless to say, I don’t trust many pastors. Going to church takes mental pep talks most days. But I understand that attending a healthy, God-honoring church is so encouraging and introduces me to so many like-minded people I can serve the community with. This is needed for the hearts of Christians around the world, so it’s necessary that your partner value church attendance and involvement.
14. Someone who dismisses your feelings
Christ came to Earth as an act of empathy, as a way to say, “I get you. I’ve been there. I’ve experienced that.” This is what compels us to love others and grant them the forbearance Christ has given us. If your partner is constantly dismissing your feelings or opinions, that’s a form of apathy… the antithesis of the Christian faith.
15. Someone who won’t get help
We all need help from time to time. Just today, I had to ask my husband what I did wrong while cooking the jasmine rice. If someone won’t admit when they need help with little things like cooking rice, how will they seek help for big things when they need sound advice before taking a job or moving the family? What about when they need to seek counselling for childhood trauma? What about when they need spiritual wisdom and only confessing their need for help through prayer will provide the answer? It takes humility to admit when you need help, and humility is necessary to live a life surrendered to God.
Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow PsychLove on MSN for more!
