Of course, you want to feel like you’ve got things sorted, and you’re doing okay in life — we all do.
However, sometimes this could cause you to do things that give you a false sense of security. It’s like when you try to control your partner so that you feel more secure in your relationship — it’s not going to work. Here are 15 things you might think will make you feel in control of your life, but will actually make you feel lost and anxious.
1. You micromanage your friends.
When you ask someone to do you a favor, like help you pack for an upcoming trip or finish your work project, it’s uncool if you tell them what to do or remind them of how they’re doing it wrong. Plus, it’s so annoying if you’re always watching them or breathing down their necks. Yikes. You’re causing yourself and them tons of stress. They’re going to be less likely to want to help you in the future, and who could blame them? Sometimes you’ve got to surrender control and trust that things will be okay!
2. You plan too much.
While it’s great to whip out a notepad and plan how you’re going to achieve your goals, if you plan everything too much down to every little detail, it can make you become inflexible, the Harvard Business Review notes. You might miss out on other opportunities that come your way or help you refine what you really want out of life. Overplanning can also lead to tons of anxiety that you don’t need. Look, you’ll never make things happen exactly the way you want them, but this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes, the best experiences are those that come out of the blue.
3. You’re a stage-four perfectionist.
To feel more in control of your workload, you might strive for perfection, spending way too much time on tasks and working overtime. The problem is that this can cause you to burn out and even procrastinate. You might feel too afraid to make decisions because you don’t want to make mistakes or fail. The funny thing is, instead of achieving your goal, you could be sabotaging yourself! And let’s be honest: no one feels in control of things when they’re pushing themselves too hard.
4. You clean obsessively.
When your home looks clean and tidy, it makes you feel energized and happy, right? But if you take the idea of cleaning too far, this could cause you to become obsessed. It zaps your time and energy, giving you more things to feel helpless about, ’cause your home’s always going to get dusty and dirty. It’s also not cool whether you’re constantly judging your roomies or partner for not cleaning up the way you do. Yikes!
5. You’re a people-pleaser.
You might try to go the extra mile when supporting your friends because you love them… and you’re desperate for their approval. Bending over backwards for others can cause you to overcommit yourself and neglect your needs, which is a no-no. Instead of making yourself feel like you’re the one keeping your social circle in a happy, harmonious place, it could be draining and depressing you. You’re of no use to anyone if you’re screwing yourself over.
6. You keep a rigid daily routine.
You might think that sticking to exactly the same routine every day is what keeps things ticking over and helps you feel in control of things. But the risk of doing this too obsessively is that it makes you less resilient when you need to change. Hey, life happens, so you want to be flexible to take it in your stride. By having tunnel vision, you might be missing out on spontaneous opportunities that fly by.
7. You check social media every hour.
You might feel more in control of life when you track your social media feeds every hour of the day so that you know what’s going on with everyone. FOMO, right? But it can also lead you astray because you could experience stress while finding it challenging to concentrate on your other, more important, tasks. Various studies have found that obsessively checking social media is linked to depression and anxiety, so perhaps the only way to feel more in control of everything is to unplug your device. Just a thought.
8. You go on extreme diets.
You might try to control your body by dieting and hitting the gym hard, but strict diets are unhealthy for you, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally too. If you feel like you need to calorie count and restrict your food intake to feel worthy, it could be a sign that you’re feeling out of control in the rest of your life and need to get to the source of that. The issue isn’t how you approach food, but why you feel the need to control it so much to feel better about your life.
9. You control your partner.
If you’re not feeling secure in your relationship, you might think you have to closely monitor and track your partner so that you feel more in control. The problem is that you can’t control or change anyone, so you’re wasting your time. You’re also wrecking your relationship by pushing your partner away, who’s probably feeling suffocated and like they’re dating a cop instead of someone who loves them.
10. You judge yourself harshly.
Whenever you slip up or make a mistake, you treat yourself like you’ve committed the biggest crime in the world. Sound familiar? If you’re constantly putting yourself down and criticizing yourself, you might think this will keep you on track with your goals, but you’re actually sabotaging yourself. By not treating yourself with love and kindness, you’re actually reducing your motivation instead of boosting it!
11. You overanalyze your crush’s texts.
If you’re addicted to overthinking your crush’s messages, as though conducting an important FBI investigation, it can make you feel anxious and confused because you’re analyzing things too much. Although you might do this so that you’ll never miss any relationship red flags, the problem is that it causes unnecessary stress that you don’t need. Chatting to a crush is supposed to be fun!
12. You bottle up your feelings.
It’s a misconception to think that you have to hide your real feelings to be accepted by others and feel in control of your life. The truth is, sometimes you need to unleash your emotions to stop them from making you sick. You should also be speaking your truth so that you get your needs met. According to Positive Psychology, as long as you express your emotions in a healthy way, you’ll prevent being controlled by anger, sadness, and resentment that stop you from living your life.
13. You indulge in gossip.
You might think that when people confide in you about the latest gossip regarding your friends or coworkers, it’s a good sign that they trust you. Or, that gossip can help you to feel more powerful and in control of situations because you always get the juice. Um, the opposite is true. When you involve yourself in gossip, it tarnishes your reputation and makes people feel like they can’t rely on you. The bottom line: gossip is always toxic, so it’s best avoided before you wreck your relationships.
14. You blame others when things go wrong.
You might not realize that when life doesn’t go according to plan, you blame everyone else except yourself. Perhaps you avoid taking responsibility for your life and engage in “victim mode” because this prevents you from having to self-reflect on your behavior. Although pointing the finger at others can help you coast through life while others mop up your mistakes, it’s leaving you in a helpless state. It’s so much more empowering to take charge and take accountability.
15. You constantly think about the future.
Thinking ahead and worrying about your future might make you feel more in control of your life, but it prevents you from living in the present moment. You’re missing out on your life right now and not making the most of it by always focusing on tomorrow, next month, or next year. This future-obsessed thinking cultivates anxiety because there’s always going to be an element of the unknown in the future. That’s what makes it exciting, though! Try to embrace it instead of controlling every inch of it.
