Narcissists always have ulterior motives behind their behavior—they’ll manipulate a situation to get what they want without caring about who it affects. The last thing you want is to end up with someone who is going to hurt you intentionally. Here are 15 things to look out for that narcissists do to hurt you.
1. They’ll gaslight you.
This buzzword has taken the internet by storm in recent years. While it’s often associated with a toxic partner in a relationship, it can be linked to narcissism, too. With this trait, a narcissist is going to try and turn everything around on you, so eventually, you’ll start to believe that you’re the issue in the relationship.
2. They’ll project onto you.
As the saying goes, hurt people hurt people, and a lot of the time, if someone is insulting and bullying their partner, they’re doing so because of issues within themselves. A narcissist loves denying their problems and instead pointing the finger at you, dumping their emotional trauma onto your relationship.
3. They’ll talk circles around you.
A classic sign of a narcissist who is intentionally trying to hurt you is the inability to have a straightforward conversation. When did you last try to talk to them about something serious? There’s a good chance you quickly got frustrated because no matter how direct you were, they kept their answers vague and ambiguous.
4. They’ll use generalizations and blanket statements.
Because narcissists don’t like getting into the weeds when confronted with an issue, they’re instead going to paint everything with the same brush, using words like “always” and “never”. They’ll say, “You always do this every time you accuse me of something,” or “You never give me a chance to explain myself, and always make me out to be the bad guy.” They do this to avoid seeing the problem from your perspective.
5. They’ll twist your thoughts and your words.
Have you ever been in an argument with a narcissist where it feels like you’re going crazy? Everything you say, they fire back at you, making you sound like you’re the bad guy. This is because they are experts in twisting what’s being said and warping it to favor them. This is how they save face and ensure they come out on top.
6. They’ll spend too much time splitting hairs.
Even though narcissists are lazy a lot of the time, when it suits them, they will take the time to move the goalpost in an argument and pull your points apart. If it doesn’t serve their agenda, they won’t engage, but if they think they can get something out of it, they will find the devil in the details.
7. They’ll evade the issue by changing the subject.
It’s almost impossible when confronting a narcissist to get them to stay on topic. If it’s something that they don’t want to talk about and are prepared to deny, they’ll use every tactic in the book to do so. From switching topics to dodging your questions, there’s nothing that narcissists aren’t capable of when in manipulation mode.
8. They’ll threaten you.
There are two different ways that a narcissist can threaten you—either overtly or covertly. When you back them into a corner that they can’t argue their way out of, they’ll become very defensive and resort to making you feel threatened. This is either through outright threats or simply by making demands of you that are hurtful and unreasonable.
9. They’ll resort to insults.
If a narcissist doesn’t have any more cards up their sleeve, they’re going to resort to petty, childish behavior, like name-calling. They’ve tried avoidance, denial, and gaslighting, so now it’s time to bring out the emotional immaturity. There’s nothing that a narcissist won’t do to win an argument and make you feel to blame.
10. They’ll engage in a smear campaign.
If you’re in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, and you have finally found the strength to walk away, in their mind, it’s far from over. When a narcissist is broken up with, the last thing they’re going to do is sit back and take it. From dragging your name through the mud online to stalking you, they have a lot of weapons in their arsenal.
11. They’ll love-bomb you in the beginning.
Perhaps you’ve never been in a relationship with a narcissist, so you’re not sure what to look out for in the beginning. Most narcissists don’t show their true colors until you’re entirely committed and feel that you can’t get out. This is why, at the start, they’ll shower you with gifts and affection to the point where you feel overwhelmed.
12. They’ll tell you they’re trustworthy.
Another warning sign of a narcissist at the start of a relationship is they tell you that you can trust them. They know their true colors will eventually emerge, so they want to confuse and mislead you about their character. When somebody says that you can “trust them” and that they’re a “nice guy” or “nice girl,” you should have your guard up.
13. They’ll constantly test your boundaries.
Narcissists who want to hurt you on purpose aren’t going to have any concern for your personal limits. They certainly won’t respect any rules you have laid out. While they might initially adhere to them, this consideration will slowly erode.
14. They’ll disguise their insults as teasing.
Undercover narcissists who want to hurt you on purpose are going to disguise their insults as jokes. When they say something demeaning or condescending, they’ll quickly back this up with “I’m just kidding” or “Don’t be so serious.” This is their way of slowly undermining you.
15. They’ll be quick to control you.
One of the easiest ways for a narcissist to hurt you on purpose is to make you feel restricted and limited in what you can do. Again, this might not be obvious at the start, but as time goes on, they’ll gradually become more and more controlling. It’s often too late to walk away when you realize how trapped you are.
Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow PsychLove on MSN for more!
