It’s not always easy to spot that your relationship is becoming negative. You might think you and your partner are just going through a rough patch, when the truth is that the relationship isn’t healthy for you anymore, and you need to get out. It’s time to take stock! Is your relationship turning toxic? Here are 15 subtle ways to tell.
1. You’re not feeling excited anymore.
One of the most obvious signs that your relationship is becoming negative is to check your energy levels. If being around your partner used to make you feel happy and enthusiastic, but lately, you’re feeling drained or in a bad mood, that’s a huge red flag that something’s going wrong. You need to dive into your feelings and suss out what’s causing them so you can figure out if your partner’s bringing you down.
2. Your partner has become nitpicky.
Maybe your partner used to support you, but lately, it feels like they’re always looking for things to criticize about you. Ouch. It could be really silly things like insulting the way you replace the toilet rolls in the bathroom or how you’re too kind to other people. What? Clearly, your partner is looking for any little thing to cause an argument and make you feel bad.
3. You’re not yourself.
Your relationship might be making you turn into someone you don’t recognize or like, and that’s a bad sign that it’s not serving you anymore and it may be time to detach, per MindBodyGreen. Maybe you feel like your self-esteem is non-existent, or your friends have noticed that you’re more depressed than usual. Before you assume you’re going through something you can’t put your finger on, your partner could be causing you to feel this way!
4. You’re always to blame for everything that goes wrong.
Your partner is toxic if they have a way of making you feel guilty for whatever goes wrong in your relationship. For example, when you confront them about their bad behavior, they might turn the tables around on you by questioning your actions. Perhaps they even blame you for things that go wrong in their life instead of taking accountability for them. It’s a sneaky way for them to evade responsibility while trying to control you.
5. You’re on the receiving end of passive-aggressive comments.
If your partner doesn’t clearly explain what they feel, it’s frustrating while putting up massive barriers between you. Passive-aggressive behavior causes more relationship problems while preventing you from connecting as a couple. Maybe you can see your partner isn’t happy about something, but they say, “I’m fine.” Or, you ask them what they want to do on the weekend and they say “Whatever.” You might feel like you always have to try to fish out their real feelings, but you never know where you stand.
6. You don’t feel happy when talking about your relationship.
When your friends ask you about your relationship, you tend to feel awkward or you avoid giving them details. Although you might just be a private person, you might also be trying to hide what’s going on in your relationship. Maybe you feel the pressure to maintain a perfect facade in public or you’re afraid your friends will tell you to walk away from your partner because things are turning toxic. You’re just not ready to face the truth of the situation!
7. Your partner’s becoming excessively jealous of you.
Your partner, who never used to be jealous of you having friends outside of the relationship, has recently become controlling. Maybe they sulk when you spend time with friends. Or, they monitor your interactions with other people, which makes you feel like they don’t trust you. You don’t want to be with someone who makes you feel like you’re in a prison instead of a relationship, with your every move being watched.
8. You never have me-time.
No matter how busy or stressed your relationship, you should always have time for yourself. Without regular me-time to focus on your needs and recharge your batteries, you’re going to neglect yourself. It’s like you’re making your relationship the most important part of your life, but it’s draining you and making you have less energy for other things that are important to you.
9. You’re always the one rescuing your partner.
Although your partner might be going through a rough patch that can happen to anyone, it’s not healthy if they’re always going through some sort of drama and you’re always the one who has to bail them out of their problems. It can cause you to become the rescuer in the relationship, with your needs not being met. Um, you’re supposed to be their partner, not their psychologist!
10. You feel insecure around your partner.
When last did your partner tell you how much you mean to them or how great you are? If you never hear them say any of this, it’s a sign that they don’t make you feel certain in the relationship. Maybe they’re hiding their feelings or giving you mixed messages, both of which can make you feel like you don’t know where you stand. That’s not a healthy relationship!
11. Your partner gives you the silent treatment.
After a fight with your partner, do they shut down and avoid your calls for hours or days? If they tend to stonewall you when something happens to upset them, instead of talking to you about it, it’s manipulative. They’re trying to control you with how much attention they give or keep from you. It can make you feel anxious and stressed, which puts a negative spin on the relationship.
12. Your partner doesn’t keep you posted about their life.
While HuffPost notes the importance of having a life outside of the relationship, it’s never a good sign if they do whatever they feel like doing without filling you in on their whereabouts or decisions. They might as well be flying solo because they’re not including you in anything. Instead of being a team, you might feel like you’re being kept at an emotional distance.
13. Your partner is the king or queen of unsolicited advice.
If your partner is quick to tell you what you should do and how you should do it, it can make you feel steamrolled in the relationship. Maybe they tell you to cut down your sugar intake or they tell you what you should do to get a promotion, but you never freaking asked them for advice! They’re showing signs of being dismissive of your thoughts and feelings. They’re also coming across as acting superior to you, which can zap your self-esteem.
14. Your partner doesn’t plan for the future.
In a healthy relationship, you should feel like your partner is consistent and has follow-through. The opposite is true in a toxic relationship. Your partner might make you feel like they’re only with you when it’s convenient for them. Or, they might always have an excuse for why they’re not living up to their promises. They might tell you that you’re a priority for them, but their actions aren’t showing it!
15. They “forget” the things you say.
Although your partner might seem like they listen to you when you speak, this isn’t the case if they keep forgetting stuff you’ve previously told them. If you have to keep repeating that you’ve sworn off alcohol or you’re working on a stressful project at work, it shows you that they’re not giving you their undivided attention. Perhaps they’re bored or uninterested in what you have to say because they’re not invested in the relationship.
