Whether you’re friends with someone or in a relationship with them, you need to be able to trust them. Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and if this starts to break down, then everything else will go along with it. When considering dating someone or being friends, it’s crucial to make sure that you can trust them. Here are 15 subtle red flags that prove someone isn’t trustworthy.
1. They keep telling you that you can trust them.
Similar to when someone says, “Stay calm” or “Don’t panic,” if someone says, “You can trust me” all the time, you’re going to start having doubts. Most of the time, honest people don’t need to keep reminding people that they’re honest — they show it through their actions. When someone repeats a particular characteristic about themselves, there’s a good chance they lack it.
2. They have a lot of friends of the opposite sex, despite being in a relationship.
The age-old debate about whether men and women can be friends continues to be explored and discussed, but generally speaking, if you’re in a heterosexual relationship with someone and most of their social circle consists of people of the opposite sex, you might be a bit skeptical about what’s really going on. It could be totally innocent, but it does make you wonder.
3. They want to be your best friend right away.
You’ve just met someone and think you could be friends with them. The trouble is, they’re already acting as if you’ve known each other for years. They want to hang out every chance they get and won’t stop texting you. Best friends naturally spend a lot of time together, but if you hardly know this person, consider this a subtle red flag that you can’t completely trust them.
4. They always talk about how “real” they are.
Similar to always stating that you can trust them if a person is constantly reminding you of how authentic and genuine they are, then there’s a chance that they’re the opposite. Only people who have to overcompensate for being fake say things like this. If you hang around them enough, you might see the mask slip a little, and their true colors emerge.
5. They brag about how perfect they are online.
Most people only want to show their best side on social media these days, which is understandable. There’s enormous pressure online to have the best life, and look like you have it all together. However, this isn’t realistic, and if the person you’re trying to date constantly brags about how amazing their life is online, they’re most likely not being truthful.
6. They claim to have psycho exes.
It’s normal to have one or two relationships in the past that ended badly, where you still think ill of the person. However, it’s not normal to tell everyone you know that all of your past partners are crazy. If the person you’re thinking about dating does this, there’s a good chance they were the crazy one. After all, they’re the common denominator.
7. They talk behind other people’s backs.
There’s nothing like having close friends you value and respect who make you feel like you can confide in them about anything. This level of vulnerability is saved only for those you really trust because the last thing you want is someone to tell all of your deepest, darkest secrets to other people. If your potential friend likes to gossip about others behind their backs, there’s a good chance they would do this to you, too.
8. They’re always trying to outdo you.
If you’re friends with someone you can trust, they will listen to you and understand where you’re coming from. They won’t see the friendship as a competition, where they must constantly be doing better than you. If your potential friend always seems to be coming up with a crazier story to match yours, this is a sign they can’t be trusted.
9. They play the victim a lot.
We all have things happen to us at times that we need a good friend or partner to confide in. We need to feel we have a safe space to be vulnerable and vice versa. However, there’s a difference between going through a hard time and needing support and constantly playing the victim.
10. They “hate drama.”
If someone always talks about how much they dislike drama, you’ll often find that these are the types of people who seek it out. Again, they’re trying to overcompensate because they like getting into other people’s business and stirring things up. There’s no reason why they won’t subject you to this over time.
11. They claim they’re honest to a fault.
Not only is your potential friend or partner always going on about how honest they are, but they claim they’re so honest that people can’t handle it. They pride themselves on being open and direct, so much so that it ostracizes people. All this means is that they like to create issues and are willing to exaggerate things to do so.
12. They have a limp handshake.
Honest and trustworthy people will shake your hand with a strong, sure grip. If they can’t be trusted, they will have a weak handshake, which tells you they’re sneaky, slippery, and disingenuous.
13. They claim to be a player.
This is a big red flag to look out for in a guy if you plan on dating him. While many women love the “bad boy” image, it’s important to protect your heart and watch out for guys who will look elsewhere while they’re with you. If your date claims they’re a “pick-up artist,” there’s no reason they won’t do this to you at some point.
14. They like to overshare.
There’s nothing wrong with confiding in a friend you can trust, but if someone shares too much with you, they can’t be trusted. Some things are best left unsaid or said in the proper context. It’s not generally a good sign if your friend or partner has a big mouth and can’t help themselves.
15. They seem a little too nice.
Nobody wants to be around someone who is always angry and grumpy. We are all responsible for our attitudes and how we respond to certain situations in a relationship. However, if someone is overly nice all the time, and you never see them down or in a bad mood, this is also not a good thing—it could mean something’s shady going on.
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