Our culture champions strength, but at what cost? Often, our so-called strengths are weaknesses in disguise, a facade of success with nothing but stress and dissatisfaction as its roots. If you landed the promotion, are covered in social media praise, and are always being set up on a date with everyone’s favorite kid, you’re what culture calls a success. But if you’re left feeling empty, there’s a chance you’ve put up a strong front that you can no longer sustain. Here are some of the biggest pitfalls “strong” people fall into.
1. Running on no sleep
In college, I would show up for my 8 a.m. lab to spend the first few minutes of class talking with my classmates, comparing who got the least amount of sleep. The person who pulled the all-nighter was always the “cool kid,” somehow stronger than the rest of us. But running on no sleep is not a strength. According to Columbia University, it’s a subtle, debilitating weakness that will eventually affect your mind and body in drastic ways.
2. Overbooking your schedule
We hail the Caffeine Queen and Black Coffee Macho Man. You know who I’m talking about—the ones who thrive off espresso, energy drinks, and even pre-workout beverages because they are constantly on the go. Whether they’re in a CEO business suit or sporting athletic wear, they make busy, overbooked schedules look good. But if they stopped long enough to explain how they truly felt, they would say, “I’m exhausted.”
3. Always saying “yes”
Always saying “yes,” whether to lead a work project or hit the gym with a friend, isn’t a sign of professional or relational strength. In fact, according to Psych Central, people-pleasing is often masking someone’s fear of being abandoned. They feel they have to say yes to everyone, all the time, so they are loved and valued.
4. Hating on the haters
No matter how hard you try to be everything for everyone, you’ll still come up against haters. While it looks strong, and sometimes attractive, to have a hot head and “get even” with the haters, you only stoop to their level. Don’t let someone else’s weakness become your own simply because you won’t practice restraint.
5. Living at the office
Call her a “Boss Babe” or label him “The Man,” but living at the office isn’t a strength. Often, this is a red flag that someone doesn’t have a healthy work-life balance. This can quickly become a weakness, damaging relationships and wearing down your mental health.
6. Performing tasks quickly
We have no patience these days — we like everything in an instant. We huff and puff about fast-food drive-thru lanes or mutter obscenities because the person in front of us dared to stop at a yellow light. We want things quickly, fast, now. But performing tasks quickly isn’t always a good thing. This creates space to cut corners, forget steps, and produce mediocre results.
7. Showing up early
You know the saying, “The early bird gets the worm.” It’s never used in a negative light. But if you’re always showing up early because no one else will help prepare the presentation, decorate the lobby, or bring breakfast, you’re not even getting a worm. You’re getting used.
8. Leaving late
As I mentioned, we like to praise the boss babes—especially the person who stays late at the office. But what lasting benefits do you reap by adding one more Excel sheet for the day? And what do you lose in its place? Time to get fresh air and go for a walk? Time to meet a friend for dinner? Time to play with the kiddos? There aren’t any super-strong work heroes, just overworked individuals who miss out on living.
9. Being the smartest
I was the valedictorian of my high school class. I was “the smartest,” as far as academic titles go. But a few weeks into my first Pre-Med course in college, I had a 42… It turns out, being a doctor wasn’t my calling in life. I learned this lesson the hard, humbling way. I thought “the smartest” kids were supposed to be doctors. I allowed my ignorance to be a detrimental weakness in my life, and I paid a miserable price.
10. Having the “perfect” body
The first guy I dated was a hand-to-hand combat trainer for the United States Marine Corps. He had the “perfect” body by every exterior definition. But he was also taking illegal steroids and has since had several surgeries to repair the damage those drugs did to his body. Having the “perfect” body doesn’t always mean you’re strong. Sometimes, you’re just an unhealthy, insecure human with an attractive shell.
11. Owning the best house and car
Purchasing power doesn’t directly reflect a healthy relationship with money. Just because someone has the next-gen Tesla and owns a three-story mansion doesn’t mean they have strong finances (or aren’t drowning in debt). Remember that outward appearances can be incredibly deceitful.
12. Trending on social media
Social media clout seems to be the epitome of success, at least in the Gen Z world. But having a strong, successful social media presence doesn’t mean you are a strong, successful person. Many of us use social media as a front to filter and edit who we are.
13. Always traveling the world
I know several people who have and are traveling the world, but not all of them are happy. This doesn’t always reflect a strong sense of adventure and contentment. As one of my friends said, “At some point, _____ has to come home and face reality.”
14. Being the “tough” guy/gal
It’s “cool” to be the “tough” guy or gal, the one who doesn’t let anything bother them. But each of us, headstrong or not, is a human being whose body can break and heart can crush. Being “tough” doesn’t enhance your strength but chips away at your ability to be vulnerable and healthily sort your emotions.
15. Bouncing back too fast from ruined relationships
We like to bounce back from ruined relationships so we don’t look hurt. It makes us look strong, like no one—not even an ex—can break us. But be honest with yourself. If you are hurt, be hurt. Let yourself heal. There’s nothing strong about sweeping your weaknesses under the rug.
