Ending a relationship is never easy, but it can be even more challenging when dealing with a toxic person. They often resort to sneaky tactics to maintain control, manipulate emotions, or simply make the breakup as messy as possible. So, if you’re dealing with a toxic ex, it’s important to be aware of their potential tricks. Here are some common tactics they might use, so you can recognize them and protect yourself.
1. They play the victim.
A classic move of toxic people is to twist the narrative and paint themselves as the victim, per WebMD. They’ll blame you for everything that went wrong in the relationship, even if it was clearly their fault. They might even go as far as fabricating stories or exaggerating events to gain sympathy from people and make you look like the bad guy. This can be incredibly frustrating and confusing, but remember, it’s just a manipulation tactic.
2. They try to guilt-trip you.
Toxic people often use guilt as a weapon to keep you under their control. They might remind you of all the things they’ve done for you, how much they’ve sacrificed, or how much they’ve invested in the relationship. They might even threaten to harm themselves or other people if you leave. It’s important to remember that you’re not responsible for their happiness or well-being, and you have the right to end the relationship if it’s not healthy for you.
3. They love bomb you.
Just when you think you’re finally free, they might try to win you back with a sudden outpouring of affection, compliments, and promises of change. They might act like the person you fell in love with, showering you with gifts and attention. This is often just a ploy to lure you back into the toxic cycle, so don’t fall for it. Remember, actions speak louder than words, and their past behavior is a better predictor of their future actions.
4. They spread rumors or lies about you.
Toxic people might try to tarnish your reputation by spreading rumors or lies about you to mutual friends, family, or even online. They might try to isolate you from your support system or make it difficult for you to move on. Don’t engage with their drama, and focus on surrounding yourself with people who love and support you.
5. They threaten you.
Some toxic people might resort to threats or intimidation to try to keep you in the relationship. They might threaten to harm you, your loved ones, your pets, or even your property. If you feel threatened in any way, don’t hesitate to seek help from the authorities or a trusted friend or family member.
6. They stalk you.
In extreme cases, toxic people might stalk you online or in person. They might show up at your workplace, your home, or places you frequent. They might send you unwanted messages, calls, or emails. If you feel like you’re being stalked, it’s important to take action to protect yourself. Block their number, change your social media settings, and if necessary, get a restraining order.
7. They try to turn your friends and family against you.
Toxic people might try to manipulate your friends and family by telling them lies about you or painting you in a negative light. They might try to isolate you from your support system or create a rift between you and your loved ones. Don’t let them succeed. Communicate openly with your friends and family about what’s happening, and don’t be afraid to set boundaries with those who are influenced by the toxic person’s lies.
8. They constantly try to contact you.
Even if you’ve made it clear that you want to end the relationship, they might continue to call, text, email, or message you on social media. They might try to guilt-trip you, beg you to come back, or even threaten you. It’s important to set boundaries and be firm, Forbes notes. Block their number, unfollow them on social media, and resist the urge to respond to their messages. The more you engage, the more they’ll try to pull you back in.
9. They try to make you jealous.
A toxic ex might try to make you jealous by flaunting their new relationships, dating other people quickly, or posting suggestive photos on social media. They might even try to make you believe they’re happier without you. This is often a tactic to regain control or make you feel insecure. Remember, their actions are a reflection of their own insecurities, not your worth.
10. They hoover you.
Hoovering is a term used to describe when a toxic person tries to suck you back into the relationship after a period of distance. They might reach out unexpectedly, apologize for their behavior, or try to rekindle the romance. They might even use special occasions like birthdays or holidays as an excuse to contact you. It’s important to be aware of this tactic and resist the urge to respond. Remember, they’re likely not genuinely remorseful or interested in changing; they just want to regain control.
11. They sabotage your new relationships.
If you start dating someone new, your toxic ex might try to sabotage your happiness. They might spread rumors, badmouth your new partner, or even try to contact them directly to cause drama. They might try to make you feel guilty for moving on or make you doubt your new relationship. Don’t let them succeed. Focus on your new relationship and trust your instincts.
12. They use your shared memories against you.
Toxic people might try to manipulate your emotions by reminding you of all the good times you had together. They might send you old photos, gifts, or messages to try to evoke nostalgia and make you question your decision to end the relationship. Remember, those good times were often overshadowed by their toxic behavior, and focusing on the past can prevent you from moving forward.
13. They refuse to return your belongings.
Sometimes, toxic people will hold on to your belongings as a way to maintain a connection with you or to punish you for leaving. They might claim they lost or damaged your things, or they might simply refuse to return them. This can be incredibly frustrating, but don’t let them get to you. Consider those items a small price to pay for your freedom from their toxicity.
14. They try to gaslight you.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where the toxic person makes you doubt your own sanity or memory. They might deny things they said or did, twist your words, or accuse you of being overly sensitive or dramatic. This can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem and mental health. Remember, trust your instincts and don’t let them make you question your own reality.
15. They try to maintain a friendship with you.
Sometimes, toxic people will try to remain friends with you after the breakup, even if they were the ones who ended the relationship. This can be a way for them to keep tabs on you, continue to exert control over you, or even try to win you back. It’s important to set boundaries and be clear that you’re not interested in maintaining a friendship with them. You deserve to surround yourself with people who uplift and support you, not those who bring you down.
