Today we’re talking about the “M” word—manipulation. Not because we want to learn how to do it (heavens, no!), but because being aware is the first step to protecting yourself. So, let’s explore these tricky tactics together.
1. They make you question reality
According to Psychology Today, gaslighting is the manipulation tactic that makes you feel like you’re losing your marbles. They might say things like, “You’re remembering it wrong” or “That never happened,” even when you’re sure it did. Over time, this can make you dependent on the manipulator for “reality checks.” Remember, trust your gut.
2. They make you feel like you’re their everything
Imagine being hit by a tidal wave of affection. Sounds nice, right? Well, not when it’s a manipulation tactic. According to WebMD, love bombing involves showering you with excessive attention, compliments, and gestures of love, often early in a relationship. One minute you’re single, the next you’re the center of someone’s entire universe. While it feels amazing at first, be wary of relationships that feel too intense too soon.
3. They give you the cold shoulder
The silent treatment is a classic move in the manipulator’s playbook. They’re refusing to communicate, all in an attempt to punish you or get you to do what they want. In healthy dynamics, people talk through their issues, not pretend the other person doesn’t exist. If someone does this to you, remember: you deserve to be heard, not ignored.
4. They make you feel bad
This tactic involves the manipulator making you feel guilty about your choices, often by bringing up past favors or sacrifices they’ve made. They might say things like, “If you really loved me, you’d do this” or “I’ve given up so much for you.” The goal? To make you feel so guilty that you’ll do whatever they want.
5. They make you feel like you’re not good enough
Ever feel like you’re running a race where the finish line keeps moving? Welcome to the moving goalposts game. Just when you think you’ve met the manipulator’s expectations, surprise! They’ve changed. Maybe you’ve finally gotten that promotion they said you needed, but now they’re focused on why you’re not spending enough time at home. This constant shifting of expectations is designed to keep you off-balance and always striving for their approval.
6. They make you feel like it’s all your fault
Manipulators have a knack for making everything your fault, even things that are clearly beyond your control. Burnt toast? Your fault for buying that brand of bread. They had a bad day at work? Somehow, it’s because you didn’t wish them good luck that morning. This constant blaming is designed to keep you on the defensive and make you feel responsible for the manipulator’s happiness. Remember, you’re not responsible for anyone’s feelings or actions but your own.
7. They make you feel indebted to them
In this mind game, the manipulator positions themselves as the best thing since sliced bread. They’ll often make comments like, “You’d be lost without me” or “No one else would put up with you.” This tactic is all about messing with your self-esteem and making you feel like you should be grateful they even bother with you.
8. They ignore you when you try to discuss issues
Picture this: you bring up a legitimate concern, and suddenly you’re discussing that time you forgot to buy milk three years ago. This tactic involves the manipulator changing the subject or bringing up your past mistakes to avoid addressing the current issue. Remember, each issue deserves its own conversation, and your concerns are valid regardless of past events.
9. They claim to be “joking”
In this game, the manipulator will say hurtful or offensive things, but when you react, they’ll claim they were “just kidding.” This tactic is designed to make you feel oversensitive and doubt your own reactions. Remember, if a joke consistently hurts your feelings, it’s not a joke, it’s criticism or abuse.
10. They tell you to stop overreacting
When you express hurt or concern, does your partner often tell you you’re making a big deal out of nothing? That’s the minimization in action. This tactic involves downplaying your feelings or experiences to make them seem insignificant. It’s like they’re trying to shrink your emotions down to a size that’s convenient for them. If something is big to you, it’s big. Period.
11. They make you feel like you couldn’t exist without them
They might criticize your friends and family, make it difficult for you to spend time with others, or create conflict that forces you to choose between them and your loved ones. The goal is to make you completely dependent on them. But the thing is: healthy relationships add to your life, not subtract from it.
12. They act like they’re the victim
Watch as the manipulator transforms from the offender into the offended in the blink of an eye! This tactic involves the manipulator playing the victim, even when they’re the ones causing harm. They might burst into tears when confronted about their behavior, or claim that your reaction to their hurtful actions is the real problem. It’s a shift that leaves you feeling guilty and confused.
13. They call you selfish
The manipulator accuses you of the very behaviors they’re guilty of. Feeling neglected in the relationship? They’ll accuse you of being inattentive. Caught in a lie? They’ll suddenly become suspicious of your honesty. This projection serves two purposes: it deflects attention from their own faults and makes you defensive.
14. They pretend they’re concerned for you
I’m just worried about you,” they say as they dictate your choices. Or, “I’m telling you this for your own good,” as they deliver a harsh critique. This tactic is particularly insidious because it paints the manipulator as caring while they undermine your autonomy. But true concern helps, it doesn’t diminish.
15. They say one thing but mean another
They might agree to something while making it clear they’re unhappy about it, leaving you feeling guilty for getting your way. Or they might give you the cold shoulder while insisting nothing’s wrong. This behavior creates a confusing atmosphere where you’re always trying to decipher their true feelings. Remember, healthy communication is direct and clear, not a guessing game.
