No one wants to feel like they’re dating someone who’s self-absorbed and prioritizes themselves over their partner. But wait, what if you’re the one giving off selfish vibes? If you relate to any of these 15 signs, your relationship mantra is “me, me, me!” It’s time to take a step back and reassess your actions to avoid pushing your partner away.
1. You ignore your partner’s opinions.
You might be so consumed with your way of thinking and assuming you’re always right (oh, boy) that you shut down your partner whenever they express a different opinion. You’re disregarding their perspective and undermining their value in the relationship.
2. You never say “I’m sorry.”
When you’re open and honest enough to apologize to your partner, it shows that you’re invested in the relationship and care about how they feel. If, on the other hand, you never say that you’re sorry, instead leaving that for your partner to do, it shows a lack of responsibility. Over time, the feeling that they’re always wrong can damage their self-esteem and self-worth.
3. You correct them constantly.
Nitpicking your partner’s every move undermines their confidence and independence in the relationship. They’ll start to feel like you want to control them. Stop telling them how to load the dishwasher or correcting their grammar! It’s just going to make them defensive and harbor resentment.
4. You expect tons of emotional support but don’t match it.
When you get home after a stressful day, you expect your partner to run you a soothing bath, listen to what happened, and help you sort out your problems. But, when they need the same emotional support, you’re not around. Yikes. You’re all about taking, and it’s clear that you’re prioritizing your well-being over your partner’s, which is only going to push them away.
5. You don’t commit but don’t end the relationship either.
If you’re dragging your heels when it comes to commitment but your partner wants to move things forward, it’s unfair to leave them hanging. It’s selfish because you’re only concerned with what you want out of the relationship. If your goals can’t align, it’s kinder to move on instead of making empty promises.
6. You make decisions without consulting your partner.
You and your partner are supposed to be a team, but if you’re always making decisions without checking in with them, it comes across as selfish. You don’t consider what your partner feels or thinks, which devalues them. Even if you’re making decisions that are about your life and don’t necessarily affect your partner, they want to feel included.
7. You don’t like to compromise.
You’re a goal-getter and chase what you want, so you might not think about meeting your partner halfway. An example could be when choosing date activities. Maybe you always take the lead and decide what you do on weekends. When they express wanting to do something different, you might write it off as inconvenient, stupid, or boring. You’re not trying to meet both of your needs and it’s selfish.
8. You lack empathy.
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Acknowledging and understanding your partner’s feelings is important to make them feel seen. If you struggle to empathize with them and engage in toxic behaviors, such as criticizing them for feeling upset or stressed, this tells them they’re not important to you. Without emotional support, your partner might wonder why they’re still in the relationship.
9. You’re trying to change them.
Maybe you feel like your relationship will be perfect once your partner changes—but this is never going to give you a happy relationship, it’s just going to build resentment in your partner and lead to conflict. It’s selfish to think that you need to treat your partner like a work in progress, instead of loving them just the way they are.
10. You dominate conversations.
During conversation, you tend to override what your partner’s saying by talking about yourself. You might interrupt them to hog the spotlight, leaving them shoved into the shadows and feeling like they can’t get a word in. It’s not just frustrating that they can’t share funny stories or harrowing experiences with you, but it’s upsetting that you’re not invested in learning about them.
11. You’re only nice so you get something in return.
Everyone wants to feel valued and appreciated by their partner, but you might take this to the next level by trying too hard to get their validation. This can become selfish, like if you buy your partner gifts or do something nice for them just to feel loved and appreciated. It’s manipulative, love-bombing behavior that reads selfish.
12. You cross their boundaries.
Having healthy boundaries in place keeps relationships balanced and ensures both people’s needs are met. If you dismiss your partner’s boundaries and try to step over them, this is selfish because you’re violating their needs. For example, it’s unfair to tell your partner that wanting a night of self-care instead of going to see a play with you is unimportant or silly.
13. You’re quick to dismiss their concerns.
When your partner wants to talk about your relationship or confronts you about something you did, you tend to write it off as no big deal. Even if you think it’s unimportant, your partner should have the chance to express what’s on their mind. By dismissing them, you’re telling them you only care about your opinions and views. It also causes issues to multiply, stunting your relationship growth.
14. You try to dominate their time.
Another way in which selfishness might show up in your relationship is if you want to be glued to your partner 24-7. So, you might get annoyed when they want to hang out with their friends or pursue their hobbies, wanting them to make you the center of their life. Although you might see this as a sign of being crazy in love, it comes across as selfish and controlling.
15. You expect your partner to bend over backward.
Imagine if you want to vent to your partner about your bad day but they can’t speak because they’re busy working on a presentation. It’s selfish to call them anyway and expect them to be there for you. Having unrealistic expectations for your partner to meet can cause them to feel like they’re never enough for you, even when they’re neglecting their own needs. It results in an unbalanced, toxic relationship.
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