If you’re stuck in a narcissistic family, it can feel like navigating a minefield. And if you’ve been cast in the role of the scapegoat, life is even more challenging. Narcissistic families need someone to blame, and if you’re the unlucky target, you can feel like you’re constantly under fire. Here are 15 signs you have become the punching bag of the family.
1. You’re Always to Blame
In a narcissistic family, the scapegoat is the default target for every problem. No matter how minor or major the issue, somehow, it’s always your fault. Being blamed for things that have nothing to do with you is unfair, and it’s exhausting to defend yourself against constant accusations.
2. You’re Constantly Criticized
The narcissists in your family pick apart everything you say and do, so it feels like nothing you do is ever good enough. When someone is always finding fault or hurling criticism and blame in your direction, it can wear you down and make you doubt your own self-worth and abilities.
3. You Feel Isolated
Scapegoats tend to be isolated from the rest of the family, physically and or emotionally. You might be left out of family events, or your opinions and feelings are ignored or dismissed. This isolation is a way for the narcissist to maintain control over you and your emotions.
4. You’re the Emotional Dumping Ground
If, whenever someone in the family is angry, frustrated, or upset, they take it out on you, you’re the unwilling scapegoat. You’re the one they vent to, criticize, and blame for their toxic behavior and emotions, even if you had nothing to do with the situation.
5. Your Achievements Are Dismissed
When you’re the scapegoat, it doesn’t matter how hard you work or what you accomplish; your successes are consistently downplayed or ignored. Narcissists can’t stand to see others shine, so they’ll do whatever they can to bring you down and ensure your achievements don’t get the recognition they deserve.
6. You’re Constantly Gaslighted
Gaslighting is the go-to tactic of narcissists, so you’re the scapegoat; you’re probably familiar with it. Your family may twist the truth, deny things that happened, or try to make you believe that you’re the problem. This constant manipulation can leave you feeling confused, undermined, and questioning your own reality.
7. You’re the Target of Sibling Rivalry
In a narcissistic family, siblings are often pitted against each other. Not only is this very damaging, but the scapegoat is likely to bear the brunt of the rivalry. Your siblings may gang up on you, or you could be constantly compared to them by your parents in a way that makes you feel inferior.
8. You’re the Unsuccessful Peacekeeper
As the scapegoat, you can also be thrust into the impossible role of trying to keep the peace in the family. You go out of your way to avoid conflict and make everyone happy, often at your own expense. No matter how hard you try, it’s never enough, and you’re still blamed for tension and discord when it comes up, which it does very often.
9. Your Boundaries Are Ignored
Narcissistic families have no respect for other’s needs or feelings, and as the scapegoat, your boundaries are frequently violated. Whether it’s your monopolizing your time, invading your space, or invalidating emotions, your family feels entitled to overstep your boundaries whenever they please.
10. You’re the Subject of Gossip
Narcissists love to gossip; the scapegoat is often the main topic of conversation. Your family members may spread rumors and lies about you, further isolating you from the dynamic and damaging your reputation within the family.
11. You’re Walking on Eggshells
When you’re the scapegoat, you walk on eggshells, never knowing what will set off the next round of criticism or blame. This constant fear and tension and desire to avoid conflict at all costs can make it difficult to relax or feel comfortable around your family.
12. Your Feelings Are Invalidated
In a narcissistic family, your feelings are always invalidated or dismissed altogether. If you express hurt, frustration, or anger, you’re told you’re being too sensitive, overreacting, or are wrong. This can make it hard to trust your own emotions, or anyone else and lead to feelings of self-doubt and low confidence.
13. You’re Expected to Sacrifice Your Needs
As the scapegoat, it’s demanded that you put the needs of the family above all else. You’re expected to invest your own time, energy, or resources into everyone else without hesitation. This means neglecting your own well-being, which can impact your mental health.
14. You’re Guilt-Tripped Over Everything
Guilt is a powerful tool in a narcissist’s arsenal. And as the scapegoat, you’re likely to feel guilt-tripped constantly. You can be made to feel guilty for things that aren’t your fault or for standing up for yourself. This guilt can be overwhelming and confusing, undermine your confidence, and make you question yourself.
15. You’re the Black Sheep
If you’re the scapegoat, you’re most likely also the black sheep of the family. You’re made to feel like you don’t fit in or are the one who’s always causing problems. This role can be incredibly isolating and painful, but being aware of it is the first step toward breaking free from it.
