If you find yourself tangled in fights with your partner on a daily basis, you might wonder what on earth is going on. How are you supposed to climb out of the verbal boxing ring? Well, if you’re guilty of any of these 15 things, you could be the problem. Sorry, not sorry.
1. You Don’t Say What You Feel.
You can’t expect your partner to guess what’s on your mind or in your heart. Even though it would be wonderful, they’re not a human crystal ball. It’s unfair if you get mad when your partner doesn’t know where you’re at, and it can lead to many unnecessary arguments. Express yourself!
2. You’re Always Picking On Your Partner.
You might be highly critical of your partner, always finding fault with the things they do. This can easily intensify stressful situations and cause fights. No one wants to feel like they’re worthless, so try putting yourself in your partner’s shoes before opening your mouth to criticize them.
3. You Make Things Personal.
It’s easy to come across as attacking your partner when confronting them, and this is damaging to their self-worth. It also causes resentment in your relationship. Play fair when fighting! A healthy strategy is to focus on how the situation makes you feel so it’s not personal.
4. You Give Them The Big Freeze.
When you’re frustrated with your partner, instead of working through your issues, you might stonewall their efforts to communicate. Maybe you storm out of the house or ignore their many attempts to call you. This is emotional manipulation that draws out negativity and makes things worse.
5. You Always Have To Be Right.
If your ego is stepping into your relationship on the regular and you find yourself wanting to be right about everything, this can cause conflict. While you want to win, ask yourself if that actually makes you happy—chances are, most of the time it doesn’t.
6. You’re Self-Sabotaging.
You might be someone who finds peace and serenity uncomfortable, like if you grew up in a chaotic environment. So, when things are going very well in your relationship, you might get antsy and start arguments with your partner. But, the sad thing is, you might not even realize you’re doing this to gain a sense of control.
7. You’re Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop.
If you’ve got trust issues, you might be waiting for your partner to hurt or betray you so you can confirm your negative thoughts and worries about the relationship. Yikes! This can be stressful for your partner to deal with, which can lead to fights.
8. You Struggle To Take Responsibility.
When you’ve made a mistake or done something to upset your partner, not stepping up and accepting responsibility can cause issues. Your partner might feel frustrated at how you never think you’re wrong or you’re always ready to point the finger at them.
9. You Brush Off Your Partner’s Feelings.
If your partner feels like you’re always swatting away their feelings like they’re annoying flies, this can cause them to feel unloved and unappreciated. Instead of focusing only on your feelings, try to be more empathetic—it’ll go a long way in helping you have a healthier relationship.
10. You Lack Emotional Regulation.
When stress gets too much for you, do you blow up at anyone who’s around? Maybe your partner regularly finds themselves in the firing line of your rage, which you struggle to deal with. The next time you feel anger bubbling up, try to find a healthier release for it, like hitting the gym or going for a jog around the block.
11. You Can’t Move Past Triggering Relationship Issues.
Some relationship issues can be difficult to deal with and gain closure on, such as infidelity and betrayal. If something like this happened in your relationship, you might not be over it. This can cause you to come across as defensive or resentful during communication with your partner because your words have a negative undercurrent.
12. You Struggle To Express Your Needs.
You can’t be happy in your relationship if you’re not open about what you need from your partner. This just leads to feelings of dissatisfaction and resentment, which is why you need to avoid putting your happiness on the back burner. Sooner or later, it’ll catch up with you and cause you to pick fights with your partner.
13. You’re Not In Tune With Your Feelings.
If you don’t take stock of your feelings, this can make it difficult for you to be self-aware and have healthy conflict resolution in your relationship. Set aside some time daily to focus on what you feel and any negative feelings you’re bottling up instead of releasing.
14. You’ve Set Unrealistic Expectations For Your Partner.
It’s unfair for your partner to feel like they have to live up to lofty standards and expectations that you’ve set for them. Then, when they fail to meet them, you get upset, which feels like a punishment. Take stock of what you expect from your partner and communicate with them about your relationship requirements so you’re on the same page.
15. You’re The Sarcasm King Or Queen.
Being sarcastic can quickly shut down communication, causing your partner to feel like you’re dismissing their opinions and thoughts. It’s basically a form of mockery that can turn a relationship toxic. Focus on being more authentic and empathetic to save your relationship.
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