You might think getting along with everyone you meet is a good thing, but there’s a catch. If you’re super-agreeable and go with the flow because you’re desperately trying to belong to every social circle, it can backfire and make you come across as inauthentic. Here are 15 signs you’re too much of a social chameleon and need to stop.
1. Your interests and hobbies change around different people.
To feel accepted by different friends, you might try to like the same things they do. So, if one friend is into horse riding and the other is into adventure sports, you might tweak your vibe to match theirs. Although initially, this can seem like no big deal, it can result in you agreeing to do things you’re not enthusiastic about. This can lead to a lack of authenticity while preventing you from achieving closer relationships. By keeping your real hobbies and interests on the back burner, you prevent people from learning about you, which is sad.
2. You’re a “yes” person.
No matter what your friends or new love interests want to do, you’re always down for it. They might tell you they love how you’re always open-minded to give anything a try, but this can turn you into someone who’s trying way too hard to be seen as fun-loving. It’s not doing you any favors because you’re pushing your needs and wants aside so that other people can get their way every time.
3. You keep your opinions to yourself.
To avoid arguments and conflict in your relationships, you might try to keep your thoughts to yourself. Although it’s good not to want to rock the boat unnecessarily, like blowing up at any little inconvenience, it’s not cool if you’re hiding your true feelings because you’re afraid of being rejected for them. You’re coming across as fake in your relationships, which keeps people at an emotional distance. As Verywell Mind notes, walking on eggshells ever works long-term.
4. You mimic other people’s behaviors.
provided by Shutterstock
You might find that your choices and actions change around different people. You might be positive, laugh a lot, and be a go-getter around one group of friends while lacking confidence around other people. It’s jarring because you’re trying to be what people expect so that you can relate to them better. Although you might think it’s empathetic, you’re actually desperate to fit in to the extent of not being in tune with what you feel and who you are. Basically, you want other people’s approval instead of focusing on nurturing self-acceptance.
5. You change your appearance.
Another big sign that you’re a social chameleon is if you tweak your physical appearance to blend into the crowd. You might dress in a classy or elegant way around certain friends, then hang out in sweats around people. It’s like you’re looking for cues on how to dress and carry yourself, which stems from insecurity within yourself. What about finding your own style? You might be trying to gain confidence by changing yourself, but it’s not going to be sustainable or make you genuinely happy.
6. You run your decisions past other people all the time.
While it’s good to ask your friends for their advice when you have a problem, it’s unhealthy if you can’t seem to make your own choices. People could easily lead you astray. Even if they have your best interests at heart, they’re taking away your responsibility and autonomy. If you don’t know what you want, learn more about yourself! If you don’t empower yourself to choose your own path, you’re missing out on many opportunities that could be great learning experiences.
7. You only date people your friends approve of.
Linked to the previous point, you know you’re a social chameleon if you listen to what other people have to say about the people you choose to date. Although your friends could give you a helpful outsider’s perspective on your dating life, you shouldn’t let them determine your romantic destiny. Perhaps you want their approval because you’re afraid of confrontation or being rejected by your social circle, but to what end? It’s time to set healthy boundaries to consider your needs and happiness.
8. You go out of your way to please people.
Being a social chameleon might mean being a human doormat who always goes the extra mile to make other people happy. Although you might have good intentions, this makes people lack respect for you instead of like you. They might also see you as having a hidden agenda, as they wonder why you try so hard to be liked instead of having the self-esteem to feel worthy without jumping through hoops.
9. You avoid showing your negative emotions around other people.
Do you ever show your anger, frustration, or sadness around your friends? If not, preferring to release your emotions when you’re on your own, you could be afraid of showing vulnerability because you perceive it as weakness. You might think that expressing negative emotions will make you less likeable or acceptable, but in reality it increases your stress while preventing you from connecting to other people on a deeper level.
10. You take on other people’s moods.
Instead of expressing what you really feel, you’ve become a human mood ring affected by other people’s moods. So, if everyone’s in good spirits, you’ll slap on a smile and be the life of the party. Or, if other people are angry/sad, you’ll make yourself feel the same because you want to feel like a part of the group. You’re lacking emotional intelligence. Instead of recognizing your feelings, you’re suppressing them, causing you to lack emotional growth. You might also be so used to catering to other people’s feelings that you don’t know where you stand. It’s time to take a break from everyone and focus on what your emotions are trying to tell you through all the noise.
11. You neglect your passions.
If you’re always trying to fit in with different people, you could end up lost, unsure of what you really want in life. You might push aside your passions instead of chasing them so you can live your life’s purpose. You might do this for fear of being different, but it’s time to celebrate what makes you unique and gives you fulfillment. Pretending not to care about your passions to fit in can make you feel disconnected from your true self, while making you waste precious time.
12. You usually feel drained after social interactions.
It’s not a good sign if you feel exhausted after spending time with your friends. It could be that you spend a lot of energy trying to be what other people expect of you or copying the attitudes of people around you. You might also experience a fear of being caught out for who you really are, such as if your social mask slips, which can cause you to feel lots of anxiety and stress during social interactions. It’s a ton of pressure to carry around!
13. You feel lonely, even though you have a busy social life.
If you’re not being real about who you are with other people, you might feel isolated even though you’re surrounded by people. This makes sense because you’re not being accepted by people for your authentic traits or behaviors. It’s like you’re putting on a show and your friends like the character you’re playing, not your real self. In addition, by prioritizing your friends’ needs over your own, you could feel empty and worthless.
14. You say all the right things.
People in your social circle might know you as someone who’s diplomatic and knows exactly what to say to make other people feel good or positive. Although this can be helpful, it’s also a sign that you’re more concerned with telling people what they want to hear instead of being honest with them. This doesn’t help them in the long run, while making you seem inauthentic. It’s kinder to people to be real with them, even if it hurts. They’ll respect this, and you, much more.
15. You laugh at “jokes” targeted at you.
If you feel the pressure to fit in and blend in with the crowd, you might try to laugh off people’s criticisms of you even though you feel hurt or angry by them. Humor could be a coping mechanism you use to navigate social dynamics and maintain acceptance within a group, or to mask your feelings because you fear they make you seem vulnerable. But, it just builds resentment, creating tension and making you ignore your boundaries.
