Passive aggression—what a sneaky form of communication. Instead of expressing feelings directly, this type of behavior allows someone to show their anger, frustration, and displeasure, in subtle, indirect ways. If you’ve ever felt like you were trying to avoid conflict while still making your point, you might be more familiar with passive aggression than you think. Here are 15 signs you’re a master of passive aggression—and what you can do to address these tendencies.
1. You Give the Silent Treatment
One of the most classic signs of passive aggression is the silent treatment. Instead of addressing an issue head-on, you withdraw and refuse to communicate, leaving the other person to figure out what’s wrong. This creates tension and frustration and often leaves the other person feeling confused or guilty. Sure, the silent treatment might give you a sense of control, but it often leads to unresolved conflict and lingering resentment. It’s healthier to express your feelings directly, even if it’s uncomfortable.
2. You Make Snide Remarks
Do you often find yourself making sarcastic or cutting remarks when you’re upset? This is a common form of passive aggression. Instead of openly expressing your frustration, you make underhanded comments that hint at your true feelings without directly addressing the issue. These little digs might seem harmless, but they can hurt others and escalate tension. Learning to communicate your feelings honestly, without resorting to sarcasm, can help you build healthier, more transparent relationships.
3. You Procrastinate on Purpose
When you’re asked to do something you don’t want to do, do you delay it intentionally? Procrastinating as a way to express your displeasure is a subtle form of passive aggression. By putting off tasks or dragging your feet, you’re signaling your resistance without actually saying “no.” This can create frustration for others who rely on you. Instead of procrastinating, try to communicate your concerns or negotiate a compromise.
4. You’re Often “Forgetful”
Feigned forgetfulness, according to Psych Central, is another hallmark of passive aggression. If you frequently “forget” to do something that someone asked of you, especially if it’s something you don’t want to do, this is a sign of passive-aggressive behavior. While it might seem like a great way to avoid confrontation, it can lead to misunderstandings and damage trust in your relationships. A more constructive approach is to be honest about your feelings and set clear boundaries.
5. You Avoid Direct Confrontation
If you tend to avoid direct confrontation at all costs, you might be using passive aggression as a way to cope with conflict. Instead of addressing issues openly, you might prefer to drop hints, make side comments, or withdraw. While avoiding confrontation feels safer in the short term, it leads to unresolved issues and increased tension in the long run. Try building up your courage muscle to face conflict directly.
6. You Use the Phrase “I’m Fine” When You’re Not
How often do you say, “I’m fine,” when you’re clearly not? This classic phrase is used to avoid discussing what’s really bothering you, hoping the other person will pick up on your dissatisfaction. We get it—it seems easier than addressing the issue, but all it does is lead to more miscommunication and frustration. Being honest about your feelings, even if it’s difficult, can help prevent misunderstandings.
7. You Roll Your Eyes or Sigh Dramatically
Nonverbal cues like eye-rolling, heavy sighs, or crossing your arms can be subtle but powerful forms of passive aggression. These gestures convey annoyance or displeasure without saying a word, leaving the other person to guess what’s wrong. While it might feel satisfying at the moment, these actions often come across as dismissive or disrespectful. Learn to express your emotions verbally, rather than solely relying on body language.
8. You Make Excuses to Avoid Doing Things
Do you often find yourself coming up with excuses to avoid tasks or commitments you don’t want to do? Making excuses is a way of indirectly expressing your reluctance without having to confront the situation head-on. While it might seem like an easy way out, this behavior is frustrating and disappointing to those who rely on you. Instead, try to be upfront about your limitations or preferences, and negotiate a solution that works for everyone involved.
9. You Sabotage Situations Subtly
If you’ve ever deliberately messed something up or done a task badly to avoid being asked to do it again, you might be engaging in passive-aggressive sabotage. This behavior allows you to show how much you don’t want to do something without outright refusing. That said, it can lead to a breakdown in trust and create tension. A more effective approach would be to communicate your concerns directly and work towards a mutually agreeable solution.
10. You Use Guilt to Get What You Want
Passive-aggressive people often use guilt as a tool to influence others. If you find yourself dropping hints about how much you’ve sacrificed or how hard things are for you, hoping others will feel guilty and do what you want, this is a sign of passive aggression. Guilt-tripping could get you what you want now, but later? It’ll only lead to resentment and strain in your relationships.
11. You Withhold Praise or Recognition
When you withhold praise, recognition, or affection as a way to express displeasure, you’re engaging in passive-aggressive behavior. This can be particularly damaging in professional settings, where withholding positive feedback can demotivate colleagues and create a negative work environment. In personal relationships, it can create distance and hurt feelings. Instead of withholding positive reinforcement, try to address the underlying issue directly and express your feelings openly.
12. You Play the Victim
Playing the victim is a common passive-aggressive tactic that involves exaggerating your own suffering or difficulties to gain sympathy or avoid responsibility. If you frame yourself as the one who’s always wronged or burdened, you might be using this tactic to avoid addressing the real issue. While playing the victim can elicit sympathy, it can also prevent you from taking control of your situation and resolving conflicts effectively.
13. You Give Backhanded Compliments
If you frequently give compliments that have a hidden sting, like “You’re doing great for someone your age” or “I love how you don’t care what people think,” you might be using passive aggression to mask your true feelings. While these comments seem harmless, they can hurt others and create a lot of awkwardness in your relationships.
14. You Drop Hints Instead of Being Direct
Do you drop hints or make indirect comments instead of clearly stating what you want or need? That’s passive-aggressive communication for you. While hinting might feel like a less confrontational way to express yourself, it leads to so many issues. Being direct and clear about your needs and expectations can help prevent confusion and build stronger, more honest relationships.
15. You Feel Satisfied When Others Guess What’s Wrong
Feel satisfied when someone finally figures out what’s bothering you without you having to say it? This is a classic sign of passive aggression. Rather than expressing your feelings openly, you want others to figure it out on their own, which creates unnecessary stress. It totally feels validating to have someone “read your mind,” but it’s much healthier to communicate your feelings directly.
