Emotional safety is one of the most important things you need in a happy, healthy relationship. It refers to the feeling of being completely yourself with your partner, without fear that you’ll be judged or criticized. If your relationship doesn’t have this security in place, it can be damaging to your self-worth and happiness. Here are 15 signs your relationship could use an injection of emotional safety and support!
1. You don’t get enough hugs.
Physical affection is linked to emotional security. If your partner denies you affection, like walking away when you try to hug them or moving your hand away, it’s a type of rejection that can make you feel unloved. You want to feel that your partner is a safe space for you, providing emotional and physical comfort and warmth, instead of giving you cold vibes.
2. You tend to shut down.
If you usually withdraw and become silent during conversations or arguments with your partner, this could signal a lack of emotional safety. Perhaps you don’t feel confident enough to share what’s on your mind for fear of being rejected, so you censor yourself. Getting rejected for your views is not to be taken lightly. Research has found that social rejection activates the same pain regions in the brain that are triggered when you get hurt physically.
3. Your partner spills all your secrets.
Imagine telling your partner all your deepest, darkest secrets, only for them to expose them to other people. It’s such a betrayal, making it impossible for you to feel like you can trust them. Sharing sensitive information with your partner becomes something too risky, and it can form a huge communication barrier in your relationship. It erodes intimacy and trust while building pain and resentment.
4. You feel belittled.
In a relationship filled with emotional safety, your partner should support you and make you feel confident. If they’re finding every opportunity to tear you down and make you feel bad about yourself, they’re toxic. This makes it difficult to trust them. It also forces you to hide your mistakes, failures, or personal traits out of fear of being attacked. Over time, constantly being dragged down destroys your self-esteem and self-worth.
5. Your partner doesn’t listen to you.
When you share your problems or feelings with your partner, they might change the subject or turn the conversation onto themselves. Doing this erodes your self-confidence and invalidates your feelings. You’ll feel like you can’t express what’s on your mind and in your heart with this person, because they don’t care. How are you supposed to feel safe in the relationship if someone is totally neglecting your emotions?
6. Your partner threatens to leave the relationship.
If you feel like your relationship is on rocky ground all the time, you’re probably always in a state of anxiety, imagining that the relationship will end. This makes you feel unsafe. A common example of this is if your partner keeps threatening to break up with you during every heated argument or fight. This could cause you to walk on eggshells so you don’t upset them, which makes you censor yourself and feel uncertain about the relationship.
7. Your partner doesn’t tell you how they feel about you.
While everyone has different love languages, you should feel secure in your partner’s feelings for you. If they’ve never actually said that they love you and want to build a future with you, you won’t feel like your relationship is secure. You’ll constantly be waiting for the other shoe to drop. When someone can’t express their feelings, it creates a relationship built on mixed messages and inconsistency, not stability.
8. Your partner keeps stonewalling you.
Stonewalling is when your partner gives you the silent treatment, such as by walking out of the room during a conversation or, by shutting down and refusing to work through your relationship issues. Stonewalling makes you feel isolated because your partner is pushing you away, leaving you in a state of uncertainty or unwillingness to engage in meaningful conversation.
9. You’re always the one making all the effort.
Relationships should be balanced, with both partners working hard to compromise and keep things moving forward. If you’re always the one who supports your partner, you’ll wind up feeling like they don’t care. You’ll also be overburdened, causing you to withdraw emotionally or feel resentment. The result? Less communication and connection in the relationship.
10. You feel emotionally drained after being with your partner.
A huge red flag that something’s seriously wrong in your relationship is if you regularly feel exhausted after spending time with your partner. If interactions with them consistently leave you drained, it indicates that the relationship is causing ongoing tension or stress. This can be due to unresolved conflicts, communication challenges, or a sense of discomfort and unease.
11. Your partner isn’t sorry for betraying you.
If your partner has cheated on or lied to you but doesn’t show remorse for it, you’ll feel like you’re not in a secure or happy relationship. You can’t rely on them to take responsibility for their mistakes and failures. You also can’t trust them completely because they’re disregarding how their behavior impacts your feelings. Someone who consistently refuses to apologize might also be trying to exert control in the relationship, leaving you feeling powerless. This can cause emotional unsafety and undermine the health of your relationship.
12. Your partner shouts at you.
If your partner regularly raises their voice at you, such as during arguments or the minute something doesn’t go their way, this is toxic behavior. Shouting triggers your body’s fight-or-flight response, causing feelings of fear and anxiety. Even if the shouting doesn’t lead to physical harm, the loud and aggressive tone creates a sense of imminent danger.
13. Your partner is always distracted around you.
When spending time with your partner, they should make you feel seen and heard. If they’re always searching for distractions around them, it can make you feel like you don’t matter. You won’t feel like they appreciate or love being in your company, which damages your self-esteem and makes it feel like your relationship is on rocky ground.
14. Your partner’s words don’t match their actions.
Consistency is an important part of relationship stability. When you can predict your partner’s behavior to a certain degree, this makes you feel safe and like you can trust them. If, on the other hand, your partner says things but doesn’t follow through on their actions and promises, this makes you feel uncertain and anxious. You will start to feel like you can’t rely on them, which will increase your stress and doubts about the relationship.
15. Your partner disregards your boundaries.
Your relationship boundaries are in place to protect your privacy, space, and well-being. If your partner doesn’t care about them, this is a huge sign of disrespect that also causes a lack of emotional safety. Maybe they invade your privacy by going through your phone or they disregard your need for space by bombarding you with messages and calls. It feels like they’re trying to control you by violating your boundaries.
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