Ever wonder why you’re always apologizing for breathing, or why the thought of making a decision gives you anxiety? Well, according to Psychology Today, you might be carrying some extra baggage from your childhood, and we’re not talking about that embarrassing backpack you had in third grade. In this article, we’re going to dive deep into how your childhood might be playing reruns in your adult life and how your parents did some damage.
1. You’re a chronic people-pleaser
Remember when you’d do anything to see that rare smile on Mom’s face or hear Dad say “Good job”? Well, the unfortunate truth is that you’re still doing it today, but not just with mom and dad. At work, you say “yes” when your coworker asks you to take their shift even if you were really looking forward to resting this weekend. If your friends ask you to pick them up from the airport, you’ll push your appointments just to scoop them up. According to Business Insider, bending over backward to make everyone happy, often at your own expense, is a sign you’re stuck in that childhood pattern.
2. Criticism feels like a punch to the gut
Even if the criticism is constructive, when you get feedback you completely shut down. You hear every critique in your parents’ voices—telling you you’re not measuring up. So if the slightest negative feedback sends you into a tailspin, you might be dealing with the ripple effects of having judgmental parents. E
3. You’re terrified of abandonment
Did your parents have a habit of using the silent treatment or threatening to leave when you misbehaved? That might explain why you now cling to relationships harder than a koala latches on to bamboo. It’s okay, you can loosen that death grip a little—not everyone is going to leave at the first sign of conflict.
4. You struggle to make decisions
If your parents controlled every aspect of your life, you might now find yourself paralyzed when faced with choices. Whether it’s something small, like what to have for breakfast, or something big, like what apartment to rent making a choice feels impossible. It’s like you’re still waiting for someone to tell you what to do because you never got to practice deciding for yourself. But here’s the thing: there’s no “right” choice for everything, and that’s okay!
5. You’re an overachiever…or an underachiever
Either way, you’re probably still chasing (or running from) your parents’ expectations. Overachievers are still trying to earn that gold star, while underachievers might be rebelling against impossible standards. Remember, your worth isn’t measured in accomplishments or the lack thereof—that’s just a nasty old limiting belief that your parents implanted in your extremely impressionable mind.
6. You have a fear of intimacy
If your parents were emotionally distant, you might keep others at arm’s length too. That’s because you learned that when you love someone, you’ll be inevitably disappointed and feel a lot of pain. So, in an effort to not get hurt, you subconsciously bubble-wrap your heart. It sucks.
7. You’re a control freak
Did you grow up in chaos? You might now be trying to control everything and everyone around you, which is just your way of creating the stability you never had. If plans don’t go accordingly, you’re not happy. You can’t delegate at work, because you just know that you’ll do it better yourself. No matter how it manifests, this is a direct response to the chaotic environment your parents created.
8. You have trouble expressing emotions
If your feelings were dismissed or punished as a child, you might now find it hard to even identify what you’re feeling, let alone express it. It’s like your emotional vocabulary was seriously stunted and now, you’re stuck with saying things like “I’m fine” instead of “That really hurt my feelings.” Remember: just because your parents were dismissive, doesn’t mean other people will be.
9. You’re always apologizing
This is a big one. Are you constantly saying sorry for, well, existing? Then your parents probably made you feel like a burden growing up. As an adult, you strongly believe everything is your fault, and you’re constantly walking on eggshells so as not to mess anything up. But you have the right to take up space just as much as anybody else.
10. You’re always seeking external validation
If your self-worth was tied to your parents’ approval, you might now be constantly looking for others to tell you you’re okay. That means that you’re always looking to your partner to tell you that you’re doing a good job at keeping the house together or for your boss to give you a gold star. But the truth is, true validation comes from within. It might be worth it to talk to a mental health professional.
11. You’re overly responsible…or completely irresponsible
No matter which side of the spectrum you fall on, it’s probably a reaction to your childhood. Over-responsibility comes from having to be the “adult” too early—maybe you had to grow up fast and take care of your siblings because your parents weren’t always available. On the other hand, irresponsibility might be your way of finally getting to be the kid you never got to be.
12. You’re overly defensive
If you’re always ready for an attack, even when there isn’t one, you might be carrying forward the need to defend yourself from childhood criticism. Your system is ready for battle no matter what—whether it’s clocking the weird look from the cashier or a slight change in tone from your partner. It’s exhausting to always be in fight mode, isn’t it?
13. You’re a chronic worrier
You grew up in an environment where either the worst was always expected, or you never really knew what you were going to get. And now? You’re an expert catastrophizer, always prepared for doom and gloom. Your system is always on high alert, looking for the next threat and it’s no way to live.
14. You have a fear of success
Sounds weird, right? But if your success was met with jealousy or resentment from your parents, you might subconsciously sabotage yourself to avoid outshining them. But parents should encourage their kids to shine, and because yours didn’t it’s your job to encourage yourself. It’s okay to sparkle, even if it makes others squint.
15. You have low self-esteem
If your parents were overly critical or neglectful, there’s a good chance you have low self-esteem. That’s because you internalized the message that you’re not good enough and now you walk around thinking you suck. What’s worse, you filter everything through that lens of “I suck.” Try talking to a mental health professional about these emotions.
