There’s nothing worse than that sinking feeling when you realize someone’s promise was about as substantial as cotton candy in a rainstorm. Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, but how can you tell if someone’s word is their bond? Luckily, there are some telltale signs that can help you figure out if someone might be less than reliable when it comes to keeping their promises.
1. They have a history of broken promises.
Let’s be real, past behavior is often a pretty good predictor of future actions. If someone has a track record of making promises they don’t keep, it’s a pretty safe bet that they’ll do it again. It’s like that friend who’s always “five minutes away” but shows up an hour late – eventually, you learn not to hold your breath.
2. They make excuses more often than they take responsibility.
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We all mess up sometimes, but someone who can’t be trusted to keep their word will have a whole arsenal of excuses ready to go, Well+Good warns. They’ll blame traffic, the weather, their dog, or even Mercury being in retrograde for their inability to follow through. If they rarely own up to their mistakes and seem to always have a reason for why things went wrong, proceed with caution.
3. They overpromise and underdeliver.
People who struggle with keeping their word often have a knack for making grand promises they simply can’t fulfill. They might offer to help you move, but then conveniently forget the date, or they might assure you they’ll finish that project by the deadline, but then mysteriously disappear when it’s time to deliver. If their promises consistently outstrip their actions, it’s a red flag.
4. They’re vague and noncommittal.
When someone is trustworthy, they’ll usually be clear and specific about what they’re committing to. But if someone is less than reliable, they might use vague language or avoid making firm commitments altogether. They might say things like, “I’ll try my best” or “I’ll see what I can do,” which gives them an easy out if they don’t follow through.
5. They’re always “too busy.”
We all have busy lives, but if someone consistently uses their packed schedule as an excuse for not keeping their word, it’s a sign they might not be prioritizing your needs or respecting your time. A trustworthy person will find a way to make time for the things that are important to them, even if it means adjusting their schedule.
6. They don’t communicate.
Communication is key in any relationship, and it’s especially important when it comes to keeping promises. If someone doesn’t communicate with you about delays, changes, or potential problems, it’s a sign they might not be taking their commitment seriously. A trustworthy person will keep you in the loop, even if it’s bad news.
7. Your gut feeling says something’s off.
Sometimes, our intuition is the best indicator of whether or not we can trust someone. If your gut feeling is telling you that someone isn’t being truthful or that they won’t follow through on their word, it’s important to pay attention to that feeling. Trust your instincts – they might be trying to tell you something important.
8. They deem distracted and disconnected.
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When someone genuinely cares about keeping their word, they’ll show it through their actions and their attitude. If they seem disinterested in your needs or unaffected by the consequences of breaking their promise, it’s a sign that they might not be taking your relationship or their commitment seriously.
9. They dismiss your concerns.
If you express your doubts or worries about their ability to keep their word, and they brush off your concerns or try to make you feel silly for having them, that’s a major red flag. A trustworthy person will acknowledge your feelings and try to reassure you, not dismiss your concerns as unimportant.
10. They change their story.
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Someone who can’t be trusted to keep their word might try to change the terms of their promise or the details of the situation after the fact. They might claim they never said what you remember them saying, or they might try to rewrite history to make themselves look better. If their story keeps changing, it’s a sign they might be trying to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
11. They gossip or spread rumors.
If someone is willing to betray someone’s trust by gossiping or spreading rumors, it’s a pretty good indicator that they might not be trustworthy themselves. Someone who can’t keep a secret or who enjoys talking behind people’s backs is likely to have a loose relationship with the truth in other areas of their life as well.
12. They take advantage of you or other people.
People who struggle with keeping their word often have a tendency to take advantage of other people for their own gain. They might borrow money and never pay it back, or they might use your kindness or generosity for their own benefit without reciprocating. If you feel like someone is consistently using you or taking advantage of your good nature, it’s a sign they might not be trustworthy.
13. They blame other people for their mistakes.
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We all make mistakes, but a trustworthy person will own up to their errors and take responsibility for their actions. If someone consistently blames people for their shortcomings or tries to shift the blame onto someone else, it’s a sign that they might not be reliable or trustworthy.
14. They avoid making eye contact.
While not always a foolproof indicator, avoiding eye contact can sometimes be a sign of dishonesty or discomfort. If someone consistently avoids your gaze when making a promise or discussing a commitment, it could be a subtle sign that they might not be telling the truth or that they don’t intend to follow through.
15. They’re inconsistent and unreliable.
Perhaps the most telling sign of all is a pattern of inconsistency and unreliability. If someone’s actions rarely match their words, and their behavior is unpredictable and erratic, it’s a clear indication that they might not be trustworthy. Trust is built on consistency and reliability, and if those qualities are lacking, it’s difficult to have faith in someone’s word.
