Ever wonder what it takes to make a relationship last decades? It requires more than butterflies and sweet nothings, but it’s also not impossible to achieve. These are the shared values of couples who stay together forever. If you foster them in your own relationship, you and your partner could spend decades in romantic bliss.
1. Trusting each other
Trusting is a complicated act of love. It’s something you’ll want to do with your partner, but your history might complicate your ability to extend trust. Research shows people from divorced households develop anxious and avoidant attachment styles that subconsciously affect how much they trust their partners. The couples who stay together forever work through their approaches to trust so it becomes the foundation of their relationships.
2. Communicating even when it feels hard
Communicating is another form of emotional vulnerability. It’s going to feel hard to voice your concerns, anxieties, or fears sometimes, but that’s when you build the most trust. People who adore each other communicate even when it makes them feel uncomfortable because they know long-term relationships need complete honesty.
3. Staying committed through all things
Couples face hardships of all kinds. You might argue over the grocery bill or endure a devastating personal loss together. Healthy couples remain committed when they’re struggling. Unless you’re in an abusive relationship — where you don’t feel physically or mentally safe — hardships are opportunities to rely on each other for support and become closer.
4. Managing conflicts more effectively
Even if you’ve always felt like conflicts turn into explosive arguments, they don’t have to stay that way. Successful couples actively find healthier ways to work through arguments. Emotionally intelligent conflict management requires actively listening to your partner’s needs while staying calm. Long-term couples practice this, so conflicts aren’t destructive events in their relationships.
5. Keeping an open mind
Everyone settles into their own worldviews and perspectives as they grow up. When you’re in a committed relationship, it’s important to keep an open mind to your partner’s unique perspective. Even if you don’t agree on some things, you’ll prevent miscommunication and arguments by remembering how they approach things like making big decisions.
6. Supporting each other’s personal growth
The best relationships help both people thrive as individuals. Cheer your partner on when they start exploring new interests. If they do the same for you without feeling threatened by your newfound confidence, you’ll have a much healthier dynamic over the years.
7. Respecting the need for space
Space sometimes seems like a bad idea in relationships. Shouldn’t you want to spend all your time together if you’re in love? While that might be the case during your honeymoon phase, taking personal space occasionally affirms your individual identity and lets your social battery recharge. If you can’t stop taking your partner’s need for alone time personally, you may need to work through your attachment style with a therapist to make your dynamic healthier.
8. Empathizing with what you don’t understand
As much as you love your partner, they’ll experience things you can’t relate to. Emotionally mature people practice empathy even when they don’t understand something, like why a particular experience was frustrating for their significant other. It makes both people in the relationship feel safe to be themselves.
9. Growing together through forgiveness
No one’s perfect, even if your relationship starts feeling healthier. You and your partner will both make mistakes. Forgiving each other extends the grace you need to grow into better versions of yourselves. Even if it means attending therapy together, your relationship needs the ability to grow through hard times to persevere.
10. Remaining steadfast in emotional support
People who haven’t been in emotionally mature relationships may panic at emotional moments because they’ve learned that opening up results in conflict or abandonment. Healthy partnerships work through that avoidance tendency so they’re always available to care for each other. If your partner knows you’ll always hear them out and love them anyway, they’ll get the support they need to continue in the relationship.
11. Being transparent about financial decisions
Money is a heavy, complicated topic. It’s what keeps the roof over your head and food on your table. Partners who value each other equally are always transparent about their financial decisions, like how they’re spending money and what they’re doing to tackle debt. It ensures that everyone feels financially safe and equally respected.
12. Valuing each other’s spiritual preferences
Although some people feel otherwise, you don’t have to agree on every spiritual topic to have a long-term relationship. You just need to value what your partner finds most authentic or comforting. Judging them will only make them feel like you’re pushing them away.
It’s also crucial to remember that your spiritual beliefs and those of your partner may change with time. What comforts you in your young adult years might not feel right in retirement or after losing a loved one. Loving your partner no matter their beliefs creates a safe home for them to thrive alongside you.
13. Encouraging each other’s independence
Independence in a relationship means you don’t focus entirely on your partner when you have free time. You deserve to have friends and hobbies that don’t need to involve your significant other. It’s how you stay in touch with your identity, which is what made your partner fall in love with you in the first place.
14. Appreciating the little things out loud
Your partner’s sweet comments and little gestures of love seem much more grand when your relationship is just beginning. When you’ve been together for years, you might take those things for granted. It’s part of assuming a reliable, loving routine together. Long-term couples remember to appreciate the little things out loud, so their partners know their efforts don’t go unnoticed.
15. Vocalizing rising concerns
If you think your values are changing, or you need something different in your relationship, communicate it as early as possible. It may require going to therapy with your partner, but committed partners vocalize and work through concerns together. Your long-term connection will be more important to both of you than any embarrassment related to asking for help, clarification, or a change in how you relate to each other.
