We all know someone who comes off as confident and positive, making us assume they’ve got tons of self-esteem. Or, perhaps they dismiss compliments they receive, making it seem like they’re so down-to-earth and humble. Secretly, they could be suffering from low self-worth. Here are 15 “normal” habits that point to low self-esteem.
1. They make self-deprecating comments.
Many people speak about themselves in self-deprecating ways sometimes, such as by saying, “I’m sure I’ll mess this up like I always do” or “I’m so clumsy, I’d trip over my own feet.” Sometimes these comments are humorous, so they don’t seem like a big deal. But, people with low self-esteem sometimes make these comments to put themselves down because they’re so focused on their flaws while downplaying their positive traits. They might also be seeking validation from others, hoping they disagree with their comments.
2. They laugh off compliments.
It’s quite common for someone to feel awkward when receiving compliments, but this can also be a sign of low self-esteem. Someone who doesn’t feel worthy and lacks self-confidence will brush off praise from others, such as by laughing off the comments or saying, “No way!” They have deep-seated beliefs that they don’t have anything positive to offer the world so they can’t handle being told that they do.
3. They say sorry quite a bit.
Although it’s normal to apologize, even if you don’t feel you’ve done anything wrong, people with low self-esteem will go over the top with saying they’re sorry. They do this because they always think they’re at fault, which makes them try hard to maintain relationships and avoid conflict. Over-apologizing is also a sign that they’re constantly hard on themselves, constantly criticizing. In this way, it reflects their negative self-talk.
4. They’re known for being a perfectionist.
Someone who struggles with self-confidence might feel like they have to constantly prove themselves to win other people’s approval. They might strive for perfection to deal with their intense fear of failure. They believe their self-worth is based on their achievements and success, leading to constant pressure to excel. Underlying this is a deep-seated feeling of inadequacy. While they seem like someone who has a good work ethic, they could be dealing with low self-esteem.
5. They second-guess what to eat for dinner.
If someone you know struggles to make decisions, you might think it’s just because there are so many options out there. But it could also be a sign of low self-esteem. They don’t trust themselves to make good choices and they fear making mistakes, which can cause them to struggle with small and big decisions alike. Even deciding what to eat for dinner can feel like a huge event that brings them stress. To deal with it, they might reach out to others to help them choose.
6. They make jokes about everything.
When someone is hilariously funny, being around them feels positive and fun. The last thing you might think is that they’re dealing with low self-esteem, but this could be the case. Someone who struggles with low self-worth might resort to making jokes about everything because it prevents them from dealing with their vulnerabilities. They might laugh a lot to mask a fear of being judged or rejected. Or, they might be trying to get other people’s approval by making them laugh.
7. They compare themselves to others.
Most people compare themselves to others a little, especially on social media where so many people seem to have perfect lives. But, someone with low self-esteem might suffer from chronic comparisonitis, where they’re always checking other people’s success and positive traits, and thinking they don’t measure up. This can cause them a lot of stress and anxiety. It also makes them feel even less worthy, keeping them trapped in negativity.
8. They take on more work than their co-workers.
Someone who stays late at the office every day or doesn’t mind taking on extra work might seem like a star employee. But, underlying this could be a lack of self-esteem. Perhaps they feel like they have to work hard to prove themselves to others, compensating for low self-worth. Or, they might be too much of a “yes” person, constantly pleasing others to seek validation that boosts their self-esteem.
9. They prejudge events.
Thinking ahead to future events and expecting the worst-case scenario to happen is something people with low self-esteem might do. They might try to anticipate negative outcomes as a way to protect themselves from disappointment. They might also have a deep-seated belief that things will always go wrong because of their pessimistic view of themselves and the world around them.
10. They’re addicted to self-help books.
Seeing a pile of self-help books on someone’s nightstand can make you assume they love to learn and improve themselves, which is great. But, they might be obsessed with self-growth because they lack confidence. Perhaps they’re reading lots of self-improvement books because they’re constantly seeking reassurance or they feel an intense need to “fix” themselves. They don’t feel good enough as they are.
11. They’re the friend who’s always down to have fun.
If someone’s always seeking fun and excitement, they might be trying to distract themselves from underlying feelings of inadequacy. They seek external sources of validation, like from new friends or loved ones, to escape their negative self-perception. By partying and socializing a lot, they might be trying to fill a void or numb their emotional pain. They get a temporary high from these activities that boost their confidence or self-worth.
12. They’re risk-takers.
Taking risks can make someone seem brave and confident, but this isn’t always the case. They might try to take big risks to prove their worth to others and themselves. If they have a fear of rejection, they might love the attention they get from taking these risks, like when they do an impromptu comedy gig at a party or engage in an extreme sport. Gaining recognition helps them to feel more positive about themselves.
13. They keep putting off their dreams.
Someone who always finds excuses not to chase their dreams might claim that they’re too busy or they don’t feel ready, but they might be trying to mask their low self-esteem. You can tell this is the case if they succeed in other areas of their life, but become nervous and anxious about the things they’re passionate about. They might doubt their abilities or have an intense fear of failure. Although they seem capable and confident in other areas, they might be trying hard to keep their low self-worth hidden by keeping their dreams on the back burner.
14. They criticize others.
Whenever someone’s putting others down, it’s easy to assume they’re arrogant or they have an inflated sense of self-confidence. But sometimes, people with low self-esteem are highly critical of others because it makes them feel better about themselves. They’re insecure and projecting this onto other people. By being excessively critical of others, they’re trying to deflect attention away from their perceived flaws.
15. They don’t ask others for help.
Not asking someone else for help can make the person seem strong and independent. While this could be the case, they might struggle to reach out to others because they fear being rejected or judged. They might also be dealing with self-defeating thoughts that prevent them from asking for help, like “I should be capable enough to help myself” or “I don’t want to bother anyone with my problems.”
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