Unfortunately, not every love story lasts forever.
Despite your best intentions, sometimes a relationship is doomed to fail and there’s nothing you can do to fix it. If you’ve tried and failed to change things, you could be dealing with a relationship that’s over. Here are 15 signs it’s time to move on and save yourself more pain.
1. You’ve stopped trying to fix things.
You and your partner can only make things work if you’re both committed to resolving your issues. If one or both of you are fed up with working on the relationship, that’s a huge sign it’s doomed. In addition, sometimes working too hard to make a relationship work can backfire, such as if you’re trying to change your partner, and they don’t want to change. The result? You end up exhausted and wondering if it’s worth it.
2. You think about your future in terms of “I” not “We.”
A simple way to test what you really feel about the relationship is to notice your thought patterns. If you regularly focus on what you want and where you’re headed in life, with your partner being an afterthought, it’s a sign that you’ve already mentally checked out of the relationship. When daydreaming about the future, you might find yourself imagining scenarios that don’t involve your partner. This could be a way of mentally preparing yourself for walking away from the relationship because you don’t see a future for it.
3. You fight all the time.
If you and your partner don’t have healthy communication, this will destroy the foundation of your relationship, ChoosingTherapy warns. You might be fighting all the time, which shows you’re not on the same page at all. Or, you might be lacking empathy to understand each other’s views. If you can’t seem to have a conversation without tearing into each other or belittling each other, it’s a sign that you’re slipping into a toxic relationship.
4. You can’t remember the last time you were happy in your relationship.
Although it’s normal to go through rough times with your partner, it’s unhealthy if you don’t have good times together. Maybe you’re not spending quality time together on dates, or you’re not engaging in fun hobbies anymore. If the relationship is always taxing and stressful, it’s a sign that the spark is gone for good. Relationships are supposed to be enjoyable, or what’s the point of being in them?
5. You can’t be yourself.
Your relationship is well and truly over if you’re not being authentic with your partner. Maybe you feel the pressure to censor what you really think or feel because your partner judges you. Or, perhaps you’re trying to be who your partner wants, but it’s just making you feel miserable. It’s lonely to feel like you’re not accepted for who you are, and it will just lead to chronic heartache.
6. You’re scared to talk about certain topics.
You might be walking around on eggshells in your relationship, afraid to broach certain subjects with your partner. That’s a bad sign your relationship is on its last legs. How are you supposed to work through issues and grow closer if you’re not dealing with conflict in a healthy way? It’s equally unhealthy if your partner scares you with their reactions, such as if they lose their temper and lack emotional regulation during tough times. Over time, this will erode your trust and love.
7. You don’t trust your partner.
Without trust, you don’t have much going for you in the relationship. Maybe your partner has broken your trust by lying to you or cheating on you. Whatever the case, it’s making you feel like you’re alone in the relationship. You don’t have a soft space to fall because your partner isn’t giving you the authentic emotional support you need to be happy. When you can’t trust your partner, you might wonder why you’re even with them.
8. You keep breaking up.
Some couples keep breaking up and getting back together again before they pull away from each other for good. It’s almost like testing the waters to see how it feels to be out of the relationship. If you and your partner keep splitting up, it’s a sign that you’re regurgitating the same issues that aren’t being resolved. It’s only a matter of time before you break up for good because you’re not moving forward together. And maybe, on a subconscious level, you don’t even want to.
9. You feel resentful toward your partner.
If your partner has done something to make you hold a grudge against them, it’s challenging to move past the betrayal or pain. No matter what good things they do, you can’t seem to let go of your resentment, which is going to chip away at your relationship and cause you to remain in a negative headspace. A relationship can’t flourish from this, so it’s better to walk away.
10. You don’t have anything in common anymore.
Perhaps you and your partner used to feel like you were clones of each other, but now it’s like you’ve both changed. And maybe you have! People grow, and sometimes this doesn’t happen in the same direction, causing them to want different things in life. If that’s happened in your relationship, you might feel like you don’t know how to find each other again. If you’re not willing to compromise to meet each other halfway, the relationship’s doomed.
11. You fantasize about dating other people.
Although there’s nothing wrong with daydreaming about people outside of the relationship, it could signal a problem if you’re doing this all the time. Perhaps you dream about specific people and imagine what it would be like to date them. Over time, this could become an obsession that you find challenging to destroy. Something inside you could be telling you that you’re not happy in your current relationship and want to find happiness elsewhere.
12. Your partner promised to change, but they haven’t.
If your partner hurt you and promised to change their ways, this could’ve given you hope for the future of your relationship. Unfortunately, they might have broken their promises to you, which can be devastating. If they’re not keen to make amends and improve themselves to ensure a healthier relationship, you’ve hit a dead-end. You can’t make a relationship work if your partner isn’t pulling up their sleeves and working hard to make the relationship work.
13. You don’t feel excited about plans with your partner.
When you and your partner decide to go on a date or take a fun vacation overseas together, you might feel anxious or negative about it instead of enthusiastic. Red flag! Instead of trying to push those feelings aside, it’s important to dig through them to find out what’s going on. If being around your partner doesn’t make you feel good, that’s a sign you’re not invested in the relationship anymore. Maybe your view of your partner has changed, and you can’t seem to go back to how things were.
14. You don’t take an interest in each other’s life.
In healthy relationships, couples don’t stop learning about each other, even if they’ve been dating for years. If you feel like you don’t have a need to find out how your partner’s day at work was or what their wildest dreams are, it’s a bad sign that you’ve checked out. You lack curiosity about their thoughts, feelings, and choices. Without that, how can you be passionate about them or want to take the relationship to a higher level?
15. You’re being taken for granted.
If your partner makes you feel like they’re using you, you’ll know that the end is nigh. They’re only with you because it’s convenient for them because they’re not showing you that they value and respect you. There are many ways in which they can take you for granted, such as by asking you for favors or money, or expecting you to meet all their needs without doing the same in return. The relationship isn’t on equal ground, and you’re giving, giving, giving, without getting anything in return.
