Red flags come in all shapes and sizes. Some are big and glaring, others are small and hard to notice. As a result, some red flags are small enough that only highly perceptive people can notice them. Some of them are also disguised in a way that makes it challenging for non-perceptive people to pick up on them.
1. Love bombing disguised as affection.
A common red flag is love bombing. It comes off as someone who just can’t help but let their feelings out there, but in reality, it’s manipulative and a red flag. It’s a red flag because people will do that to secure your affection if they’re worried about you leaving.
2. They engage in trauma dumping.
Talking about your trauma with your partner is healthy, but it can become a red flag if done excessively. When someone always brings up their trauma after an argument, or they do something wrong, they’re trying to manipulate you into feeling bad for them in the hopes that you’ll forget about what they’ve done wrong.
3. Every encounter is sexual.
Most adult romantic relationships are sexual. It’s an important part of every relationship, and in the beginning, it can dominate your relationship. However, if you notice that every encounter you have with a partner is based in the bedroom, it’s a red flag. If they never go on dates with you or fun excursions, they aren’t interested in you, they’re just using you for your body.
4. They complain but never take action.
Some people complain a lot but never take action to improve their lives. They don’t have a growth mindset which allows them to make progress in their life. This is a red flag that shows that your relationship is unlikely to progress beyond the superficial phase.
5. They don’t hang out with anyone but you.
Your partner should be your best friend. They should be the person you want to hang out with more than anyone else in the world. However, you should also have friends and family members that you see and hang out with. If your partner never sees anyone but you, it’s a sign that people around them don’t like their personality. So, it could mean that once they let their guard down they become unlikeable or do things that turn people off.
6. They have different values from your friends.
Your friends and partner don’t need to be best friends. They don’t need to get along with each other all the time, but they can’t have severely different values. If they value completely different things it likely means your partner isn’t compatible with you. Your partner should be your best friend, and if your friends all have similar values, your partner should too.
7. It feels like they have invisible expectations.
A red flag that only highly perceptive people will pick on is the feeling of invisible expectations. If when you hang out with your partner you feel like there’s something weighing you down, like there’s something always expected from you, it’s a red flag. Sometimes your partner doesn’t need to say anything to make you feel this way. If your partner makes you feel this way without speaking, it’s a red flag.
8. Everything feels like a transaction.
When we say everything feels like a transaction, we don’t mean financially. We mean that if your partner does something nice for you, they always expect something back. It’s like they’re keeping score in the relationship, and they always want it to be a tie. A relationship should be a give-and-take, but there shouldn’t be a scoreboard. Sometimes you’ll be doing more, and sometimes they’ll do more. It doesn’t need to go back and forth all the time.
9. They avoid talking about your future together.
Some people are uncomfortable talking about the future, and that’s ok. However, if a partner shows an outright refusal to talk about the future, it’s a red flag. It likely means they don’t have any plans for you to be in their future, or they’re too shortsighted to think about how what they do now affects their future.
10. They don’t want you to hang out with friends or family members.
Some partners will get upset when you go to hang out with friends and family members. They’ll manipulate you by saying, “I always miss you when you’re gone,” but don’t fall for it. They want you all to yourself when it should always be ok for two people to have time apart from each other to hang out with friends.
11. They’re disrespectful in arguments.
It’s natural to get into arguments. Two people who love each other passionately will inevitably get into arguments. However, those arguments should never be disrespectful and combative. If your partner is disrespectful in an argument, they are showing you how they really feel.
12. They put too much emphasis on appearance.
As much as some people like to say that looks don’t matter, they do. No one gets into a relationship without an initial physical attraction to the other person. However, if it becomes obvious that all your partner cares about is appearance, it’s a red flag. These people will make comments about your weight, you working out, and what you eat. It can be incredibly draining to be with a person like this, and if they don’t care about you beyond your looks, you shouldn’t be with them anyway.
13. They’re dismissive of the opinions of others.
You don’t need to agree with everyone, but being dismissive of the opinions of others is a huge red flag. Now, there are obvious exceptions. If someone believes the Earth is flat, you can dismiss that opinion, but in most situations, you shouldn’t be dismissive. If your partner does this, it’s a red flag that shows that they only value their own opinion and have narcissistic characteristics.
14. Subtle controlling behaviors.
There are some subtle controlling behaviors that highly perceptive people will pick up on as red flags. Things like telling you what to wear or who you should see. They often won’t be direct in controlling you. Instead, they’ll subtly say things that make it seem like it’s your decision to change your outfit or not hang out with your friends.
15. Inconsistent stories.
How someone tells a story can give you a good idea of who they are as a person. If someone is inconsistent when telling stories by changing details each time and trying to make themselves seem better than they are, it could be a sign that they’re dishonest in other aspects of their life.
