Romantic relationships are highly layered and complex. They’re the most meaningful relationships we have in our lives, and yet, many of us mess up without realizing it. Even years into a relationship, it’s easy to make mistakes that can minimize your partner’s value and emotions. If you don’t want to cause pain to your partner you should avoid making these 15 mistakes.
1. Treating your partner like a therapist
Two people in a relationship should support each other, but there’s a fine line between asking for support and treating your partner like a therapist. Of course, your partner should be there to support you emotionally when you’re struggling. However, they are not there to fix your problems for you or help you discover the deep reasons behind them. If you find yourself asking them to do the latter, you should look into speaking with a mental health professional.
2. Always needing to be around your partner
You should want to be around your partner, it’d be weird if you didn’t! That said, always needing to be with your partner can be, well, a lot. It can come off as desperate and can be overwhelming or suffocating to your partner. It’s important to have things you can do to entertain yourself without your partner because everyone needs solo time to recharge.
3. Constantly talking about them on social media
It can be tempting to post about your partner on social media, and there’s nothing wrong with it, in moderation. When you post about your partner, you are showcasing them to everyone in your life. While that might be something you enjoy, many people prefer to be more private and selective in their social media use. It’s important to respect your partner’s boundaries and ask them if they’re okay with you posting pictures of them on social media, especially early in a relationship.
4. Letting your insecurities interfere
While everyone has insecurities, if you’re constantly questioning whether your partner is cheating on you or still loves you without a legitimate reason, it can be incredibly draining. Your partner will start to feel unappreciated, unheard, and annoyed. Eventually, they may withdraw from the relationship altogether.
5. Ignoring major differences
One of the most common mistakes people make in a relationship is ignoring major differences. We’re not talking about you liking rap and your partner preferring pop. We’re referring to significant differences in how you view the world. For example, you may have thought it didn’t matter if you aligned politically with your partner, but then came to realize your differing opinions made the relationship too difficult. Putting your head in the sand and ignoring these differences will only make it more painful when they come to the forefront.
6. Focusing too much on past experiences
Thinking about happy memories is not a bad thing on its surface, but living in the past can be dangerous to your relationships. By living in the past and only focusing on the good times, you may ignore some pretty big red flags. It’s a dangerous tendency that pushes issues under the rug until they eventually come out and blow up the relationship entirely.
7. Overstepping boundaries
Although part of making a relationship is breaking down walls, it’s also important not to cross boundaries. When your partner tells you no to something because they’re uncomfortable, you should never ignore them and do it anyway. It’s a breach of trust which can harm your relationship in a way that might be unrecoverable. Being in a relationship doesn’t give you free rein to do whatever you want. Everyone has boundaries, and you shouldn’t cross them.
8. Becoming toxic through repeated bad behavior
People don’t like to repeat themselves when it comes to voicing issues with their partner. It’s mentally exhausting and frustrating when someone doesn’t listen. If you continue these behaviors, you may feel like your partner just forgot about it and you can get away with doing it. No, they just don’t think it’s worth mentioning because you won’t change. This is a huge issue in long-term relationships that can damage your partner.
9. Being overly demanding
Mistakes in relationships often start when you dive in too quickly. If you’re too pushy and demanding right off the bat, your partner will get uncomfortable. They might equate what you’re doing to what happened in a past relationship and decide to step away before the relationship even has a chance to get off the ground. It’s important to pace yourself in a relationship. As your relationship progresses, the two of you will naturally learn what the other person needs to feel loved, and you won’t need to be so demanding.
10. Letting your partner sacrifice their needs
Some people aren’t demanding in a relationship at all, but they go so far in the other direction it becomes a problem. Some people sacrifice everything about themselves to try to please their partner. It might feel nice when your partner does things for you, but if it’s at the expense of their needs, you need to step in and talk to them. Tell them they don’t need to do everything all the time because otherwise, you’re allowing an unequal relationship to grow. This can lead to your partner resenting you, feeling they’re giving more to the relationship.
11. Expecting too much from your partner
This is an issue that often plagues people who haven’t been in many relationships. They idealize how relationships work because they only see them from the outside or what the media has portrayed. So, when their partner isn’t perfect, they’ll pressure them to be better in all aspects of the relationship. While it’s okay to expect your partner to be there for you, you can’t rely on them for everything. Doing so will put too much pressure on them and make them overwhelmed. It’s stressful when your partner needs you to do everything for them, so don’t put them in that position.
12. Distancing yourself from your friends
Another mistake some people make when they get into a new relationship is abandoning their friends. Once they get a new boyfriend or girlfriend, they stop hanging out and talking with their friends. Not only is this cruel to your friends, but it means that if you break up with your partner, you won’t have a social life to go back to.
13. Struggling with intimacy
Intimacy is an essential component of every relationship, physical and emotional. But sometimes, people forget that healthy intimacy relies on healthy communication. Without honest and open conversations, how can you expect to have your needs met and meet your partner’s needs? When you don’t speak up, it can lead to your partner feeling frustrated.
14. Repeating mistakes from past relationships
Many people don’t properly reflect on a relationship after it ends. Instead, they immediately jump into a new relationship and make the same mistakes. For example, maybe your ex-partner broke up with you because you didn’t prioritize time together. In your new relationship, you find yourself at the office later and later, not giving space for your new partnership to flourish. Sound familiar? You have to change it if you want to keep your relationship together and your partner away from pain.
15. Not living in the present
Lastly, a common problem many people have in relationships is they don’t live in the present. Hopeless romantics will look too far ahead to a wedding or kids when they’ve only been dating for a month or two. Enjoy the stage of your relationship you’re currently in and try not to worry about what’s next. You can enjoy the future when it gets here, but until then, live in the now.
