It’s easy to be so focused on where you’re headed in life and what you want to achieve that you stop paying attention to how you’re treating others. But, now’s the time to take a pause and gauge your kindness level. Here are 15 red flags you’re becoming unkind so you can do a course correction.
1. You’ve got zero patience.
When people need your help or want to vent about their problems, you might turn away or give them an excuse, such as that you’re too busy to lend a hand. While it’s healthy to focus on your needs, make sure you’re not neglecting other people’s feelings.
2. You’re quick to criticize others.
Maybe you’re a perfectionist who wants things done your way, or you feel like if you don’t do something yourself, it won’t get accomplished. This can cause you to criticize others, making them feel like they’re not good enough. Try to put yourself in their shoes to understand how horrible it is to be on the receiving end of this behavior.
3. You’ve become judgy.
You might be trying to make yourself feel good by putting others down, but you know what they say: you don’t get more sun by throwing shade. Try to bear this in mind when you open your mouth to judge others harshly for making their own choices.
4. You’re the town gossip.
Maybe you love sharing your criticisms of others with friends or co-workers, which is why you’ve become the walking grapevine of your social circle or workplace. Yikes! This can make people see you as unkind or totally fake, because gossiping gives you a bad rap. It trashes relationships and ends careers.
5. You don’t show empathy.
When people talk to you about their feelings, do you brush them off or dismiss them? Maybe you’re so worried about your own feelings that you’ve got tunnel vision. Look, if you’re always in your head and not acknowledging other people’s emotions, this could cause them to pull away from you.
6. You have a short fuse.
When you get angry, you’re quick to blow up. This has a negative effect on the people around you—not only does it make them walk around on eggshells in your presence but it also scares them to talk to you about certain topics.
7. You shut down feedback.
Being closed to opinions and feedback from others can make you difficult to communicate with, but it can also make others view you as unkind if you become defensive. For example, if you’re quick to shut people down or attack their flaws.
8. You treat people badly if you don’t know them.
You can quickly get a bad reputation by being cold with people you don’t know. As people unpack your layers, you might warm up to them, but it could be too late—they might’ve already judged you for your icy or abrupt first impression.
9. You enjoy putting others down for fun.
Belittling others isn’t a sport! Don’t think that this is all in good fun, even if you tell people that you’re “just joking.” While the person on the receiving end of your comments might laugh along with you, they probably feel hurt by the things you’ve said.
10. You’re sending mixed messages.
When dealing with people, you might send them hot and cold messages that make you seem unreliable. After a while, they might think you’re not just confused about what you want, but your inconsistency is a sign that you’re playing with their feelings.
11. You’re walking around with a bunch of negativity.
If you’re a human storm cloud, you might be carrying tons of negativity around with you. This can be taxing on those you spend time with, such as if you’re quick to call their ideas impossible or you complain about your life all the time. Although you’re not being unkind, you’re not considering how your mood is affecting others.
12. You zone out during conversations.
People might notice when your eyes glaze over during conversation because you’re clearly not mentally present. Stay focused! If you’re not paying attention to what others say to you, you’re basically telling them that you don’t care about their opinions or feelings.
13. You’re dishing passive-aggressive comments.
Whenever you’re passive-aggressive with others, you’re avoiding direct communication. This causes frustration in others and can make them unsure of what you want. It’s unkind because you’re expressing negativity, such as with sarcastic remarks, instead of being clear about what’s bugging you.
14. You dominate conversations.
If you’re always quick to interrupt what others are saying, you can gain a reputation for being a conversation hog. You want attention and don’t feel bad about derailing what others are trying to say, even though it’s rude.
15. You enjoy other people’s bad days.
When someone tells you about their horrible breakup or job loss, you feel a bit of pleasure from their misfortune. Others might notice how you’re quick to gravitate towards them when they’re going through a rough patch—it makes you feel better about yourself. Not nice. Try to focus on being empathetic with others instead of turning everything into a competition.
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