Although you might be drawn to the sexy and brooding person in the bar, getting to know them can feel like trying to climb Mount Everest without oxygen.
While it might initially seem exciting, it’s only a matter of time before it makes others feel totally drained by how much they have to try to figure you out. Here’s why being mysterious isn’t drawing people to you and what to do instead.
1. It seems like you’re playing hard to get.
One of the biggest problems with trying to be seen as mysterious is that it leaves other people guessing too much about your intentions. While seeming cool and collected can keep them intrigued, like at the start of a relationship, if you never really show what you feel it can make them second- and third-guess if you’re really into them or just wasting their time. It’s so frustrating!
2. It sends mixed messages.
Are you hot and cold with people? It’s not attractive — it’s annoying. These mixed messages come across as you being downright confused about what you really want or trying to dodge commitment, Women’s Health warns. One minute you like them, the next you’re leaving them on “read” for days. Ugh! Instead of doing this, being clear and direct inspires confidence in others ’cause it shows that you know what you want. That’s sexy!
3. It paints you as a liar.
If you’re hiding what you really think or feel, it can make your mystery feel more like deception. Do you really want to grab dinner or drinks, or are you just going with the flow? Did your ex break your heart or did you leave them? If you don’t readily provide information to people wanting to know you, they might assume you’re hiding things. It’s a red flag that you’re lying about stuff! Being honest about your journey and all you’ve learned so far shows that you want to connect instead of trying to hide a dark side from them.
4. It makes you seem like you’ve got issues.
If you’re always holding back, people are going to get the idea that you’re dealing with deep-seated issues, such as low confidence or a lack of trust in others. This could be getting in the way of you forming a closer bond with them. While it’s totes normal to have some emotional baggage (hey, we all do), it’s better to discuss it with people you care about so you don’t push them away.
5. It comes across as not giving a darn.
It’s so easy for mystery to make it seem like you don’t care about anything. When others struggle to get to know you on a deeper level, such as when it comes to what your life dreams are or what gets you out of bed in the mornings, it can make them assume that you’re apathetic or bored with your life. This is sad because it’s so much more attractive to show people your passions!
6. It signifies a lack of depth.
It’s appealing when someone you meet shows you all their interesting traits, both good and bad, so you get a colorful picture about them. If someone seems one-dimensional because they’re so guarded, they come across as boring. Don’t shy away from having meaningful conversations that reveal who you are and what’s unique about you. People don’t want to see a mysterious mask but what makes you special.
7. It makes you seem like a loner.
If you avoid people’s questions or give them one-word answers, you might be trying to choose your words carefully but it can make it seem like you’d rather be alone. They might feel like they’re not wanted because you’re shutting down. Ouch! By showing empathy for others and allowing them to understand who you are, you’ll prevent missing out on opportunities to build satisfying social connections.
8. It makes people think you’re trying too hard.
Sometimes being mysterious is a way to wear a mask in the dating scene so you come across as sexy or confident. But this can backfire by making people assume that you’re putting in too much effort to be what you think they want. Hold on – what are they actually after? Without realizing it, your need to be mysterious can make you push them away because you’re not being real.
9. It makes you seem self-righteous.
Being someone who tries to seem aloof or like you don’t care too much can actually make others assume you’re silently judging them or you’re too full of yourself. That’s not the impression you want to give others! Share your unique thoughts and truthful feelings so you stop censoring yourself – it’s only making people get the wrong idea about you.
10. It causes relationship misunderstandings.
If you find that people are constantly arguing with you, it could be because you’re hiding your feelings and it’s making them feel frustrated. They might not be “getting” what you really want or think, which can lead to many misunderstands and fights. Yikes. Mystery is usually a path to drama, which you don’t want! By learning how to communicate with others, such as by speaking clearly and directly, you can avoid stepping into the verbal boxing ring.
11. It comes off as passive aggressive.
Ah, you’re the king or queen of one-word or one-letter WhatsApp replies. Stop doing it because you’re not coming across as interesting and mysterious. Instead, you’re coming across as passive aggressive. The person you’re communicating with is going to feel like they have to pull words out of you and beg you to speak to them. It’s way too much work and makes you seem like you’re lazy about relationships.
12. It makes others feel rejected.
If you avoid sharing the latest news about your life with the person you’re interested in, perhaps out of shyness, they’re going to feel like you’re keeping them at an arm’s distance on purpose. They’ll be offended when they see your latest social media updates and you’re totally avoiding sharing them on a one-on-one basis. Be selective about what information you share, sure, but let those you care about feel like you’re letting them into your life instead of shutting them out.
13. It makes you seem high-maintenance.
It’s easy for being mysterious to make others feel like they have to jump through hoops to get your attention. They might assume you’re going to be hard work to be friends or romantic partners with because your walls are sky-high, and they might feel resentful. Why should they have to do this to build a healthy relationship with you? Giving something back to the person who’s trying to connect with you goes a long way to show that you’re willing to compromise and share with them.
14. It makes it seem like you have a hidden agenda.
If you’re hiding behind a mask or holding back your authentic self, this can make others feel like you’ve got a toxic agenda at play. They might wonder if you’re trying to come across as perfect or charming but you’re really hiding narcissistic traits. Or, they might assume you’re playing hard to get to make them like you, which is manipulative. If you’re not ready to show your real self to someone, you shouldn’t be letting them in on false promises or hopes.
15. It makes you seem power hungry.
If you’re mysterious on dates, such as by not answering questions in a transparent way and choosing to ask the person tons of questions instead, it creates a power imbalance. The other person is showing you their vulnerabilities while you’re closed off from showing yours – it’s unfair! They might think you’re trying to seem superior to them by not showing any weaknesses. Honestly? It’s so much more attractive to let the other person see what makes you human.
