Everyone has automatic phrases they say when they’re having a conversation. You might say, “That’s crazy,” when you’re unsure how to respond or, “I’m good,” when someone asks how you’re doing. Those phrases might not cause an internal emotional response, but others do. These are a few phrases that trigger insecurity and what you can do to avoid saying them again.
1. “Sorry to ask, but…”
When you need help, don’t be afraid to ask for it. The person you’re trusting likely cares for you and wants you to succeed. Apologizing for asking about something vocally reinforces an internal belief that you don’t have a right to ask for help.
Instead, you could say something like, “Do you have a moment for a quick question?” If you were apologizing because you thought the other person might be busy, this phrase accommodates their potential schedule without belittling your need for assistance.
2. “I don’t brag about myself, but…”
People can have an appropriate amount of pride that makes them feel satisfied when they accomplish things. Too much pride turns into continual boasting about anything. If you’re worried about bragging too much, you might say this phrase before mentioning the most minor accomplishment.
It only shows you don’t think your successes are worth recognizing. Catch yourself and say, “I just had such a big win!” You could also say, “I did something I’m proud of.” In time, you’ll erase the insecurity that diminishes your accomplishments.
3. “I’m so clumsy.”
Insecure people sometimes say this after less-than-perfect moments. You might scuff your shoe on the floor without tripping, but apologize anyway. This phrase can even apologize ahead of time because you’re expecting yourself to fail.
Address the situation out loud instead of saying this triggering phrase. “Oops” is likely enough to assure everyone you’re alright without triggering any insecurities that could ruin the rest of your day.
4. “I’m glad I lucked out.”
It’s one thing to thank your lucky stars for something unexpectedly good. It’s another to always call your accomplishments lucky. It communicates that you aren’t self-empowered enough to improve your life and not confident enough to take pride in what you do. The subconscious triggering of insecurities can result every time you say something like this.
Remember, people also create their own luck by seeking new opportunities and pushing through hard times. When you’re tempted to recognize your good luck, say something like, “Talent and luck made today great.” You’ll recognize both while working on your self-esteem.
5. “I can make time for that.”
If you’re already over-scheduled and can’t find a way to say no, you’re likely insecure in platonic or romantic relationships. It’s perfectly fine to let someone know you don’t have time for that. If you don’t, pushing aside your need for rest will make you feel small and inconsequential.
When this situation happens, use a phrase such as, “I’d love to help, but my schedule is full. How can we make this work for both of us?” This new phrase supports yourself without leaving the other person without assistance.
6. “I’m pretty sure.”
“Pretty” is a loaded word in sentences like this. It leaves room to be wrong because you’re expecting yourself to be incorrect. It can also stem from deep insecurity rooted in a fundamental belief that something’s wrong with you.
It’s hard to break a common habit like this phrase, but you can do it. Swap it for other options like, “I’m positive,” or, “I believe so.” The first phrase inspires self-confidence, while the second leaves room for genuine doubt if you’re trying to recall something and your memory is fuzzy.
7. “… if that makes sense.”
Insecure people say this phrase even when they’re confident that they make sense. It’s an automatic saying that triggers self-doubt. It’s good to vocalize the confidence you have in something when you know you’re right. That’s different from believing you’re correct and never accepting when you’re wrong.
Instead of ending an explanation or question with this phrase, say, “Do you have any questions?” The other person gets an invitation to ask for clarifications without you belittling yourself.
8. “I just needed to ask…”
The word “just” downplays your needs in favor of another person’s. Your need to ask something is less important than interrupting the other person’s time. It highlights that you have a bad habit of denying your needs, whether they’re big or little, and might make you feel more insecure after you say it.
You could ask another person, “Do you have a moment for a question?” instead of using “just.” It’s polite and doesn’t minimize something you need to move on with your day.
9. “It’s probably nothing.”
People often say this phrase after mentioning something that worries or concerns them. You wouldn’t bring those things up if they didn’t mean anything, so they’re not nothing. This phrase triggers insecurity after people say it because it dismisses your concern, even when it’s pressing enough that you vocalized it.
When you feel yourself about to say this phrase, try saying, “Does this concern you too?” You’ll still ask for the other person’s point of view without making yourself feel like you shouldn’t have vocalized your worry in the first place.
10. “You’re too good for me.”
You might say this when you’re on a date and realize your admiration for your potential partner makes you uncomfortable. Their inherent goodness makes your insecurity in your self-worth more apparent in your mind.
Even if you say this phrase in a joking way, it belittles you. It can even come across as a red flag. A person could say the same thing if they know they have toxic behaviors and don’t want to change them, even for the right person.
If this phrase comes to mind, turn it into a compliment. “I admire your kindness,” or, “Your work ethic amazes me,” will state how you feel about your partner’s attributes without tearing yourself down.
11. “Sorry to bother you.”
Insecure people say this because they’re assuming their needs are automatically something that bothers people. It’s an apology when you haven’t done anything wrong. The phrase may not upset people, but it doesn’t build your self-esteem either.
Start this kind of conversation by saying, “Can I get your help when you have a free minute?” Whether you need help or advice, you’ll respect the other person’s schedule without an unnecessary apology.
12. “I’m not perfect.”
You’ve likely heard someone say this after you’ve accused them of doing something hurtful or making a mistake. They likely said it because they were too insecure to take responsibility for their actions. The phrase sounds humble, but it’s not.
Swap this phrase with something like, “I’m sorry I hurt you. How can I do better next time?” It communicates your willingness to grow rather than shield yourself with the idea of perfection. Perfection rarely means something’s right anyway. Humans make mistakes. All that matters is taking responsibility for your actions and learning from them.
13. “I could never do that.”
It’s natural to say this when you consider something that feels outlandish. Skydiving or public speaking may feel impossible to you, but saying this phrase only limits your abilities. It reveals that you’re insecure because you doubt yourself.
Challenge that doubt by saying, “I don’t know if I’d enjoy that.” You won’t limit your capabilities or pretend like the potential activity doesn’t make you slightly uncomfortable.
14. “I don’t deserve this.”
This phrase is another way people say when they want to seem humble. It’s what you’ll hear when someone accepts an award or a gift. As Psychology Today notes, people don’t feel like they deserve to be happy when they carry guilt or negative beliefs about themselves. It’s a clear indicator of deep insecurity.
Instead of using this triggering phrase, you could say, “I’m honored. Thank you.” It shows your deep appreciation for the kind act or gift without potentially making you look like you thought you deserved it all along.
15. “I enjoy being alone.”
Everyone enjoys being alone sometimes. However, if you’re always saying this phrase, you might be insecure enough to avoid social opportunities. This common saying shields yourself from potential hurt instead of stepping outside of your comfort zone to experience greater joy or love.
If someone invites you to a social activity and you feel tempted to say this phrase, respond with something like, “Can I let you know closer to the date?” You’ll give yourself time to evaluate if you would enjoy going, instead of rejecting the invite because socializing makes you feel instinctively anxious.
