You know those people who can step into a room, engage in a conversation with someone, and pick up on how they’re feeling straight away? That’s an emotionally intelligent person and you’ve probably heard them say one of these 15 phrases that only emotionally intelligent use.
1. “I understand how you’re feeling.”
Emotionally intelligent people naturally have a lot of empathy for others. This means that they can usually relate when someone is going through an emotional situation. Perhaps you have a friend with whom you can confide everything because you know they’re great at helping you feel understood. When you tell them about an issue you’re having with your partner or at work, they say, “I understand how you’re feeling,” which makes you feel less alone.
2. “I appreciate your viewpoint.”
Another phrase that emotionally intelligent people use implies that they can see things from other people’s perspectives. In a highly charged political world, it’s easy to get caught up in a debate with someone and feel frustrated when you don’t see eye to eye. However, an emotionally intelligent person will remember to tell you that they appreciate your perspective and allow you to share it without interrupting.
3. “I’m sorry, I was wrong.”
People who have a high level of emotional intelligence know when they’re in the wrong and know when to apologize. Perhaps whenever you argue with your partner, whether it’s about who should put the trash out or how you’ll afford next month’s rent, they will always come to you first and apologize. They are also quick to take accountability when they know they’re wrong.
4. “I value what you bring to the table.”
Emotionally intelligent people make great group leaders because they ensure that everyone gets an opportunity to contribute. When they bring everyone together to work on a group project, one of the first things they ask is for everyone to vocalize how they think the project should be approached. After this, they remind everyone that they appreciate everyone’s input.
5. “How can I assist you?”
When someone is emotionally intelligent, they don’t wait for others to come to them for help—they take the initiative. Perhaps your best friend is emotionally intelligent, and you find that they’re always asking you how they can help. If you tell them you’ve got a busy weekend ahead with the kids, they ask if they can do anything to make it easier, like babysitting or taking the dog for a walk while you’re out.
6. “Let’s work together to find a solution.”
Someone who isn’t emotionally intelligent will have difficulty working with others to find a solution and they’ll spend their time and energy making sure you do it their way. Emotionally intelligent people do the opposite. Perhaps when you disagree with your partner about how often their parents want to come over, they suggest that instead of arguing about it, you work together to figure it out. You both suggest solutions, like sitting down and talking to them together or going over to their house instead until you arrive at an answer together.
7. “Let me process this.”
Emotionally intelligent people know that a lot of the time, it’s not good to lead with their emotions when making a decision. Instead, they should step back from the problem and take some time to process it. Perhaps your partner has been getting too friendly with a work colleague. Instead of lashing out in anger and making a rash decision, you tell them you need space and time to process your emotions and figure out what you want to do with your head and heart.
8. “You did an excellent job.”
When someone has a high level of emotional intelligence, they’re aware of the achievements of those around them. They’re not blinded by their own will to succeed; they want to make sure that everyone is advancing at the same time. Being genuine about others’ achievements allows them to have positive, ongoing relationships. When you get a promotion at work, instead of being jealous, your partner is nothing but happy for you, saying, “You did an amazing job; I knew you’d get it.”
9. “I appreciate your patience.”
People with high emotional intelligence are aware of others’ time and don’t like to disrespect it. They’re also mindful when someone shows them a charitable level of understanding. Perhaps your partner has been late home from work a lot lately. Instead of being defensive and annoyed at you for bringing it up, they have told you that they understand and appreciate you being patient with them.
10. “How are you truly feeling?”
If someone lacks emotional intelligence, they might take people’s emotions at face value and not probe further. Not only do emotionally intelligent people read what’s happening beneath the surface, but they can also read the room and know when to dig deeper. Perhaps your best friend is great at this. When they call you up and ask you how you are, and you reply with, “I’m fine,” they reply with, “Okay, but how are you really feeling?”
11. “Tell me more about that.”
When you open up with your best friend, they gently ask you to elaborate instead of just letting you speak and moving on to another topic. They want to ensure you’ve been able to get out everything you wanted to say in the hopes of getting to the root of the problem. Emotionally intelligent people want to know what’s going on underneath it all.
12. “I value what we have.”
When your partner is emotionally intelligent, you know that they will regularly reassure you about your relationship. They always remind you how much they value what you have together because they don’t want you to forget it. In the past, you might have had to ask your partner for reassurance, but you don’t have to do so with your current partner.
13. “What’s the lesson here?”
People who don’t have a lot of emotional intelligence might end up repeating the same mistakes in a relationship because they don’t learn anything from their disagreements. Emotionally intelligent people take the time to think about what they and their partners can learn from it. Perhaps your last disagreement consisted of communicating disappointment to your partner when they came home much later than you expected on Friday night. Your partner took on the lesson to communicate better about when they’re coming home from a night out in the future.
14. “We’re all human.”
People with a lot of emotional intelligence often give people second and even third chances because they understand that everyone makes mistakes. They don’t hold grudges; instead, they humble themselves enough to realize they’re just as guilty as their partner. Perhaps you had to apologize to your partner for getting angry, but they were quick to forgive you, saying, “We all make mistakes.”
15. “Let’s move on.”
Emotionally intelligent people don’t waste time holding things against their partner. When they argue about something big or small, they quickly say, “Let’s move forward together.” They also make sure not to weaponize past transgressions in future arguments. If you hurt your partner by speaking out of anger or with a cold tone, they won’t hold it against you.
