The term “gaslighting” has been doing the rounds on social media and the internet for a couple of years now and is used in various contexts. From talking about a bad first date to exposing a violent and abusive ex, gaslighting can be applied to many other situations, including familial emotional abuse. Here are some phrases that an emotionally abusive parent might say to gaslight their children.
1. “You’re always right, aren’t you?”
Emotionally abusive parents often use this phrase if they’re deliberately being sarcastic towards their children. They mean that they think the child believes they’re always right, when it’s most likely the opposite. A lot of the time, an emotionally abusive parent is going to be incapable of finding a fault in their own character, but they’ll have no problem noticing them in others, Healthline warns.
2. “You have quite the imagination.”
When an emotionally abusive parent says this, they believe their child is lying to them, and they can’t believe a word they say. They’re accusing their child of making everything they say up or exaggerating the story. They might do this if the child is recounting a time when they felt scared or hurt by the parent.
3. “You think you’re so clever.”
This demeaning phrase is used by an emotionally abusive parent towards a child to belittle them and call them out on behavior that they perceive to be wrong. It’s also a phrase a parent would use if they’re insecure about how intelligent their child is and worried that they might get the better of them at some point.
4. “We’ve been over this, remember?”
Shutting down a conversation by claiming that you’ve already had it is an easy way for an emotionally abusive parent to avoid accountability. You might want to call them out for something they did, but instead, you’re met with them claiming that you’ve already hashed it out, whether this is true or not, and they’re not open to going through it again.
5. “You need some serious help.”
This phrase is a classic example of gaslighting and a common weapon to find in an emotionally abusive parent’s arsenal. By telling you that they think you need professional help, they’re trying to convince you that you’re the crazy one here, not them. As time passes, they’ll attempt to emotionally break you with phrases like this.
6. “This is what I get after all I’ve done for you?”
The guilt trip is a classic tactic used by emotionally abusive parents. This is an incredibly damning statement to say to a child because, as the parent, their job is to take care of the child, not the other way around. Making your child feel as if they owe you for what they should be giving you unconditionally is textbook emotional abuse.
7. “Why are you always talking about the past?”
Similar to telling a child that you’ve already gone over something with them, if a parent asks their child why they’re constantly dredging up things that happened in the past, they’re saying that you need to forget everything they’ve done to you and pretend like it never happened. Even if things weren’t resolved, or you’re trying to show them how they continue to do the same thing repeatedly, they’re not willing to discuss it.
8. “It’s not my fault; I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
This is another classic emotionally abusive phrase that a parent will use to gaslight their child. Not only are they saying that they didn’t mean to hurt you, even though they most likely did, but they’re also saying that it’s not even their fault. Often, they’ll follow a statement like this with the silent treatment, making you feel like you’re the one to blame.
9. “Stop being dramatic.”
An emotionally abusive parent might use a phrase like this if a child is trying to have an honest conversation about how they feel about their behavior. They want to be able to share their feelings with their parent, but they’re having none of it. Instead, they dismiss the child’s feelings entirely by claiming they’re exaggerating their emotions. It’s a way of writing off their serious concerns as no big deal and avoiding accountability.
10. “You’re not perfect, either.”
It’s all too easy for an emotionally abusive parent to fall back on this phrase as an excuse for their abhorrent behavior. Not only are they unnecessarily attacking their child, but they’re also using the fact that all human beings have flaws as a way to shift the blame and remove themselves and their toxic behavior from the spotlight. It’s incredibly manipulative.
11. “What’s wrong with you?”
It’s hard to stand up to an emotionally abusive parent, mainly because they’re most likely to throw everything you say back in your face. This is a classic defensive statement that they’ll use to deflect you from exposing them so that, again, they can shine the spotlight on you and make you look like the bad guy. This is also an attempt to make you feel like you’re the crazy one, not them.
12. “Why can’t you be more like your sister/brother?”
If a child has siblings and an emotionally abusive parent, the parent might display favoritism. For whatever reason, they show more love and affection to one sibling over the others and constantly compare each of them. They’ll constantly remind the less favored sibling that their brother or sister is better than them and ask them why they can’t change their behavior to reflect their sibling.
13. “I’m kidding. Can’t you take a joke?”
Emotionally abusive parents love to hide behind sarcasm, teasing, and “joking around.” If they feel that they’ve gone too far or are afraid of being exposed, they’ll quickly backtrack by claiming that whatever they said was “just a joke.”
14. “Everyone feels the same way as me.”
If a parent is emotionally abusing their child and trying to find faults in their behavior, they might bring others into the conversation to boost their argument. They’ll claim everyone else feels the same about the child’s behavior as a way of backing up their stance, even though it’s most likely untrue.
15. “You’re making that up.”
Beyond telling a child that they have an overactive imagination, emotionally abusive parents often use a direct approach and accuse their child of lying. They don’t want anything negative to come back around on them, so instead, they accuse their child of fabricating things to make them look bad.
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