The generational language gap is real, folks. Here’s a collection of Boomer phrases that make Millennials and Gen Z want to crawl under their desks and hide their AirPods.
1. “Kids These Days Don’t Know How to Socialize.”
The battle cry of the generation that gets uncomfortable when their server has visible tattoos. They’ll lament the death of “real conversation” while sharing fake news on Facebook and falling for online scams. Their definition of proper socialization usually involves unannounced visits and mandatory family dinners. The irony of them saying this while ignoring their grandkids to scroll through their phone is completely lost on them.
2. “You Millennials Are So Entitled.”
The favorite phrase of someone who expects instant tech support but refuses to learn how to attach a file to an email. They’ll share this observation while demanding to speak to a manager about an expired coupon. Their definition of “entitled” somehow doesn’t include expecting salary information to be kept secret or demanding respect based solely on age. You try not to visibly react as they complain about younger generations not wanting to work unpaid overtime.
3. “Just Walk In And Ask For A Job.”
The most out-of-touch job search advice that comes with a side of “your generation is lazy.” They’ll explain how they got their career-making position by giving the manager a firm handshake and showing just a little bit of gumption. Their understanding of modern job applications stopped somewhere around 1985. You can feel your blood pressure rising as they suggest printing your resume on colored paper to “stand out.”
4. “I Don’t Trust Online Banking.”
Says the person who writes their PIN on their debit card and keeps their Social Security card in their wallet. They’ll share their distrust of digital security while using “Password123” for everything and clicking every spam link they receive. Their fear of online banking doesn’t extend to sending you Facebook scam warnings or falling for phishing emails. Sometimes this comes with a detailed explanation of why they prefer writing checks at the grocery store.
5. “Back In My Day…”
Every young person’s eye-roll trigger gets activated the moment these words leave a Boomer’s mouth. What follows is usually a detailed account of how they walked uphill both ways to school in the snow, somehow surviving without smartphones or the internet. The story inevitably includes how everything cost a nickel and how they started working at age twelve. Your brain automatically starts playing “Here we go again” while they explain how they bought their first house on a part-time salary. The younger generation silently calculates how that same nickel would be worth half a month’s rent today.
6. “Just Pull Yourself Up By Your Bootstraps.”
This phrase comes loaded with the assumption that the economic playing field is still exactly as it was in 1975. The Boomer delivering this sage advice genuinely believes a summer job can still pay for college and that entry-level positions don’t require 5 years of experience. They’ll use this phrase while explaining how they paid for their house on a single income working at the factory. Your millennial soul dies a little as they suggest you just “walk in and hand them your resume” to get a job. Sometimes this comes paired with helpful advice about firm handshakes and looking the hiring manager in the eye.
7. “You’re Always On That Phone.”
Says the person who needs help programming their TV remote and calls you five times a day for tech support. They deliver this judgment while struggling to remember their Facebook password or asking why their printer isn’t working. The irony of them saying this while sharing their fifteenth minion meme of the day is completely lost on them. Their own screen time report would probably break the app if they knew how to check it.
8. “Just Buy a House Instead of Renting.”
This pearl of wisdom usually comes right after they explain how they bought their first home for $30,000 in 1975. They’ll share this advice while completely ignoring the current housing market, average salaries, and the existence of down payments. Their solution to the housing crisis is usually “just move somewhere cheaper” or “get a better job.” The conversation typically ends with them wondering why you’re banging your head against the wall.
9. “When Are You Going to Settle Down?”
The ultimate Boomer conversation starter at every family gathering, usually directed at anyone under 40. They’ll remind you that they were married with two kids and a mortgage by your age, completely ignoring how different dating and relationships are now. Their definition of “settling down” hasn’t changed since “The Brady Bunch” was on TV. You can see them mentally calculating your biological clock while they talk about their friend’s daughter who just got married.
10. “I Don’t Need A Smartphone, My Flip Phone Works Just Fine.”
Says the person who needs you to order their groceries online, book their flights, and explain what WiFi is for the hundredth time. They’ll proudly demonstrate their flip phone while asking you to look up directions, check the weather, and take photos for them. The conversation usually ends with them asking you to help them find their reading glasses, which are on top of their head.
11. “When I Was Your Age…”
The preface to every story about how much harder things were in their day, while simultaneously being much easier economically. They’ll explain how they worked part-time at the soda fountain to pay for college, bought a house, and supported a family of four. Your eyes glaze over as they explain how responsibility and hard work are all you need to succeed. The story somehow always includes walking through snow and earning respect.
12. “I Learned Everything I Need Without Google.”
This declaration usually comes right before they ask you to Google something for them or fix their printer. They’ll proudly share how they used encyclopedias while completely ignoring that information changes more quickly than encyclopedias get printed. Their disdain for online learning comes packaged with unwavering confidence in whatever they learned thirty years ago. The conversation typically includes a detailed explanation of how they survived without the internet.
13. “You Need to Start Saving for Retirement.”
Solid advice that usually ignores the reality of modern wages, student loans, and the cost of living. They’ll share their retirement wisdom while explaining how they bought their house for three months’ salary in 1977. The conversation inevitably includes comparing their first job’s salary to your current one without adjusting for inflation. Your internal screaming reaches new levels as they suggest cutting out avocado toast to afford a down payment.
14. “Back When Music Was Real.”
The preface to a lecture about how modern music is just noise, usually delivered by someone who hasn’t discovered a new artist since 1979. They’ll explain how their generation’s music had “real meaning” while dismissing any current artist as talentless. Their musical criticism comes with a detailed account of concerts that cost $5 to attend. You nod politely while they explain why every song since 1985 is garbage.
15. “You Can’t Trust What You Read on the Internet.”
They’ll warn you about internet scams while telling you about the prince who emailed them asking for help. Their skepticism of online information doesn’t extend to badly photoshopped political memes or chain letters. The conversation usually ends with them asking you to explain why their computer is running slowly after downloading that “free” antivirus software.
