I’m a southern gal, hailing from country roads in Georgia.
I speak with a drawl that I’d rather not have, but I’m oh, so grateful for the manners I was taught. Back home, it’s always “yes, ma’am” and “no, ma’am.” If it’s not “yes, sir” or “no, sir,” you’re in trouble. We send “thank you” cards for the simplest things, have a list of social cues for church etiquette, and will offer to clean up after any and every meal.
Now, that’s not to say other cultures don’t honor manners and take pride in the proper ways they interact with one another. Regardless, there are obvious signs, regardless of where you’re from, that you were never taught manners.
Here are a few.
1. Talking with your mouth full
Just don’t do it — it’s gross. We can slap a label on it, calling it “manners” if you keep your mouth shut while chomping down on food, but in my world, it’s just common decency. Nobody wants to see food rolling around in your mouth—not your coworkers, your friends, or even your mother. Do everyone a favor and chew and swallow before continuing your conversation, Kent State University advises.
2. Being obnoxiously loud
Maybe you’re trying to get a cute guy’s attention who’s chatting in another social circle. Maybe you’re drunk. It doesn’t matter, friends. Being obnoxiously loud serves no purpose outside showcasing that you are starved for reckless attention. You are elevating your presence above considering anyone else who might be having a private conversation or wanting a peaceful, relaxing afternoon.
3. Never saying “Thank you”
You don’t have to say “thank you” every single time someone smiles at you. That’s its own form of obnoxious. But if a guy holds the door for you, smile and say, “Thanks!” If a girl takes time to comment on how stylish our outfit is, say, “I really appreciate that!” There’s not enough kindness in the world, so when someone sprinkles your day with a bit of sunshine, return the favor. It doesn’t take long. It’s just two simple words: thank you.
4. Not cleaning up after yourself
If someone invites you to dinner, it’s not like you have to mop and wax their kitchen floors. However, they took the time to make a special meal for you. They invited you into their home and consider you their honored guest. The least you can do is offer to clean up after yourself, raking out your plate, rinsing it off, and putting it in the dishwasher. If you want to go the extra mile, offer to help wash all the plates. Take out the trash. Or wipe down the table once everyone’s up.
5. Burping, farting, etc. in public
The reality is that bodily functions are an inescapable part of the human anatomy. Burping and farting are your body’s responses to certain internal systems. But that’s no excuse to let it all rip in public. Do the best you can to keep these involuntary actions as quiet as possible. Call it whatever you want, but making a public display of this sort of thing is just rude.
6. Not offering to help a person in need
You don’t have to start an orphanage or solve the hunger crisis to lend a helping hand. If someone is lugging too many groceries, offer to carry a few bags to their car. If someone looks lost in the store, ask if they need help. Hold the door for the mama trying to shuffle three kids out of the rainy parking lot and into the school. Just as you want simple gestures of kindness extended to you, gift them to others.
7. Not caring what others prefer to do, watch, etc.
If you’re in a group setting and everyone wants to do something, consider other people’s preferences. It’s not just about you at this point. (Hence, the group.) If you’re in the mood to binge-watch a crime show but everyone else wants to go bowling, it’s your turn to get out of the house. If you’re craving Italian but everyone else wants Mexican, put on a smile and order some queso.
8. Inviting yourself to everything
You won’t get invited to everything. That’s just life. The tough reality is that you can’t be in everyone’s inner circle, so you won’t always be the top person on the guest list for weddings, baby showers, birthday parties, Friendsgivings, etc. But that’s okay. If you’re everyone’s cup of tea, you’re a people-pleaser, sacrificing who you are to stay on guest lists. Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t do this to others. Stop forcing yourself to be invited to everything.
9. Bragging on social media
Look, we all post things on social media as a slight brag. We want our ex-boyfriend to see how happy we are without him. We want that girl from high school to know we married a hot doctor, lawyer, pilot, etc. You want people to know you can afford fun vacations and fancy dinners. But if you’re over-the-top, making your life seem like glamour shot after glamour shot, it’s time to take a step back and remember your manners. Not everyone has what you do, and it’s not polite to constantly rub it in everyone’s face.
10. Poking the bear (especially in public)
Whether you’re forcing folks to fess up to who they’re voting for in the presidential election or making someone feel obligated to pick a moral side regarding the vegan lifestyle, it’s rude to force someone into conversations they’re uncomfortable with. Especially in a public setting. There’s a time and place for certain conversations, and the more serious ones—or any centered on ethics and personal convictions—should be saved for appropriate times.
11. Attending parties without bringing a gift
If you’re invited to a baby shower, it’s honestly not that expensive to visit Carter’s or Walmart and buy a pack of onesies for less than $15. If you’re attending a wedding, even if you can’t afford the giant blender on their registry, you can certainly bring them some nice, affordable dish towels. When you’re a special guest at a function, it’s a common courtesy to bring a gift. (You’re not there to just bum off their nice dinner buffet.)
12. Ignoring the dress code
If you were invited to a black-tie event, wear the black tie, guys. Girls, wear a nice evening dress. This doesn’t mean you have to empty your savings account to look nice. (Outlet stores and second-hand stores have great formal attire.) But be respectful of the dress code set for certain events. If the event is meant to be casual, don’t draw attention to yourself by showing up looking like a runway model.
13. Making other people’s day about you
If it’s not your birthday party, don’t steal the show and blow out the candles. It’s not a cute look. If it’s not your wedding, just wear the bridesmaids’ dress she picked out and keep quiet. Nobody likes a catty friend. As my family says, when you have to steal the show and make someone else’s day about you, you’re acting like you were “raised without any couth.”
14. Gossiping
It’s hard not to spill information. Let’s be honest, it can be fun. It makes you the center of attention since you have all the details. It calls out someone else’s blunders so you can ignore yours. Gossip is easy. But it comes at the cost of your character. It’s not only polite, but kind to keep quiet about someone else’s mistakes or hard times.
15. Disrespecting authority
You might not agree with the cop’s statement about how fast you were going. You might not appreciate his arrogant attitude. But don’t play into his game. Justice, real justice, wins in the end. Your teacher might truly be biased—trust me, my biology professor in college didn’t think women should study medicine—but don’t give him a legitimate reason to call you out. It shows a lack of etiquette (and self-control) when you disrespect authority.
