We all want to bring our best selves to our relationships to cultivate a lasting partnership with our better half. The internet is rife with suggestions and recommendations regarding what a good relationship looks like—in fact, you could spend days, if not weeks, pouring through all the information available. Let’s distill it down to a few points. Here are 15 habits of emotionally mature couples you can apply to your situation.
1. They take responsibility for themselves.
The opposite of this is being in a relationship with someone who refuses to take accountability for anything. Emotionally mature people aren’t trying to find someone who’s going to fix all their problems—they’re prepared to do this themselves and work on themselves for the sake of their partner as much as their mental health. They are proactive instead of reactive.
2. They face their emotions.
Emotionally mature couples aren’t afraid to feel what they’re feeling—even if it’s uncomfortable. They know that the key to getting through an unpleasant situation is to sit with the emotion and let it pass instead of trying to push it away. If they do this, they run the risk of making the emotion bigger than it is, which makes the issue bigger overall.
3. They are slow to anger.
Everyone gets frustrated and angry sometimes—we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. However, the difference between emotionally mature and immature couples is that they cope with these feelings. Couples who strive for a healthy relationship know how to keep their feelings in check and can acknowledge their existence without necessarily acting on them.
4. They aren’t afraid to be vulnerable.
For someone who lacks emotional maturity, it’s going to be very difficult to be open and honest about their feelings with their partner. Their instinct will be to clam up and push them away because the feeling of vulnerability is so foreign and uncomfortable that they’d rather distance themselves. Not emotionally mature people—they run towards vulnerability with zero inhibition.
5. They are honest with one another.
Not only are emotionally mature couples honest with one another, but they’re also honest with themselves. They are self-aware to the point where they can have open and honest conversations with their partner about difficult topics in the relationship. They are also honest enough about who they are, so much so that they’re constantly improving and becoming the best versions of themselves.
6. They stick around when it’s tough.
Because emotionally immature couples lack the tools to cope when things get bumpy, they often choose a quick exit—the easier route. However, an emotionally mature couple will give this up for what they know is the right thing—staying and facing the music. Tough times won’t cause them to give up; instead, they’ll put the effort in to get through them with their partner.
7. They are reasonable with their expectations.
Emotionally mature couples know how to set expectations for a long-lasting relationship. They know that if they set them too high, their partner will never live up to their standards, and they’ll never be satisfied. On the flip side, they know if they set them too low, they won’t feel satisfied either. They’re not only clear about their expectations; they’re realistic about them.
8. They don’t take advantage of one another.
If a person goes into a relationship only thinking of themselves, their only focus will be what they can get out of it. They’ll easily take advantage of their partner, and the relationship will break down. Emotionally mature couples know not to take the other for granted but to always show appreciation and respect.
9. They care about one another’s feelings.
It’s important in a relationship to feel like you can adequately share how you’re feeling, no matter how good or bad it is. Emotionally mature couples care about how the other person feels, and they want to know regardless of how tough the conversation may be. Often, they’ll prioritize their partner’s feelings above their own.
10. They’re open to change.
If you’ve been married for a long time, you’ll know that you’re not the same person you were when you first got married. If a couple stays together for 40 years, they’re married to many different versions of the same spouse. This is because, as human beings, we evolve and change, and emotionally mature couples are open to doing this for the greater good.
11. They are prepared to commit.
Perhaps you’ve been with your partner for a long time, and you know it’s time to get married. However, they want to avoid making this commitment. This could be a sign of emotional immaturity. Emotionally mature couples aren’t afraid of commitment and are prepared to take the next step to solidify their relationship.
12. They are consistent and stable.
When someone is emotionally mature in a relationship, they bring stability and reliability. Couples with a higher level of emotional maturity can be there for their partner whenever they need them and can offer this regularly.
13. They set healthy boundaries.
Relationship rules and limits are integral to a healthy relationship—without them, you can’t thrive with your partner. When a couple is emotionally mature, they are able to clearly communicate their limits to one another and implement these so that neither feels taken advantage of.
14. They respectfully resolve conflicts.
Just because a couple is emotionally mature doesn’t mean they won’t get into disagreements at times. It’s how they handle these disagreements that makes all the difference. They’re capable of being respectful when arguing with their partner—they don’t make the situation personal, resorting to name-calling and decimating the others’ character.
15. They know when to say sorry.
If someone takes too much pride in a relationship, they’ll struggle to know not only when they’re in the wrong but also when they should be the one to say sorry. In an emotionally mature relationship, both parties know when it’s their turn to apologize. They also know the importance of being willing to forgive.
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