According to Psychology Today, dating has changed so much over the ages (and it’s still changing—no wonder people are burnt out!). But perhaps one of the biggest differences in the dating landscape can be seen when looking at dating in the 80s and what that looks like today. Let’s chat about the differences between these two eras that will blow your mind.
1. Getting to Know Someone: Face-to-Face vs. Online Profiles
In the ’80s: We know, it sounds archaic. But back then, you’d get to know someone by—wait for it—spending time with them in person, gasp! Whether that was hanging out at the mall, on the phone, or at a party, everything you learned about a potential romantic interest came from real interactions.
Today: Whether it’s a good or bad thing, now you can learn SO much (maybe too much) about someone before you even meet, thanks to their dating app profile and social media. Their likes, dislikes, and even embarrassing 7th-grade school pictures are all online, waiting for you to browse (read: judge).
2. Planning a Date: Spontaneous vs. Structured
In the ’80s: Date plans were made on the fly. You could meet someone during the day and then that night, you’d be grabbing a burger. Or maybe you’d last-minute catch a movie, with little planning ahead. There were fewer rules, it was more about being spontaneous and going with the flow.
Today: Now, it’s all a little more curated. Maybe you have an Instagram folder titled “cool date spots” or you search Yelp reviews for hours before making a reservation on Resy. Everything is planned out in advance, and if you want to do something last minute? Good luck finding someone who’s down.
3. Where You Went: Drive-In Movies vs. Netflix and Chill
In the ’80s: Going to the drive-in was THE date move (remember that scene from Grease?). Or maybe it was a night of roller skating, followed by some crappy roller rink pizza. Regardless of how the plans shook out, there was always an activity involved, and it was all in person.
Today: Wondering what the modern equivalent is? Enter, “Netflix and chill” or “Hulu and hang,” if that’s more your thing. Instead of going out and experiencing the world, dates happen from the comfort of your couch, with takeout and a flick from your favorite streamer.
4. Breaking Up: Face-to-Face vs. Ghosting
In the ’80s: You might not believe this, but if things weren’t working out, you had to break up in person—or at least over the phone (the horror!). It was hard and awkward, but there was really no other option.
Today: Ghosting has become way too common. People just disappear without a word, leaving you wondering if you did something to offend them or if they just found someone better. It’s easier in the short term, but in the long term, it can have a mental impact according to Centric Mental Health.
5. Flirting: Mix Tapes vs. Spotify Playlists
In the ’80s: A mix tape was a big freakin’ deal back then! It was kind of the ultimate romantic gesture. You’d carefully choose each song and record it on a cassette, and then name it something cute and write on the case with a sharpie. How vintage!
Today: Now, you can do it all digitally. A Spotify playlist serves the same purpose, but it’s way easier to make. You can share your favorite songs in seconds, or multiple playlists if that’s your jam. It feels like a little bit less effort, but it’s still a sweet way to connect over music.
6. Waiting by the Phone: Landlines vs. Constant Contact
In the ’80s: After a date, you’d sit by the phone anxiously waiting for a phone call. You couldn’t just text someone anytime you felt like it—you had to hope they’d call your house, and if they didn’t, you were left waiting. Can you believe that?
Today: Everyone is just one text away (whether they answer that text or not is entirely up to fate). You can chat anytime, anywhere, so there’s less of that nail-biting waiting for someone to “call.” The downside? With that instant connection comes the expectation of fast replies, which aren’t always the case.
7. Meeting People: Malls and Clubs vs. Apps and Swipes
In the ’80s: If you wanted to meet someone, then it was really just about being in the right place at the right time. The right place? A mall, a club, through friends—whatever it was, you had to put yourself out there in person. No hiding behind a screen, spooky!
Today: Forget meeting IRL. Now, it’s all about swiping right. Tinder, Bumble, Hinge… you can meet someone new without ever leaving your house. Kinda crazy when you think about it, right?
8. Making the First Move: Calling vs. Messaging
In the ’80s: This might be one of the craziest ones. Back in the old days, if you wanted to ask someone out, you’d actually have to call their landline. And, if you were lucky, you didn’t have to talk to their parents or their scary older sibling first. Talk about a ton of pressure.
Today: Forget awkward calls with a potential suitor’s family. Now, making the first move is as easy as sending a quick DM or shooting off a text. You don’t even have to hear their voice to get things rolling.
9. Communication: Love Notes vs. Texts and Memes
In the ’80s: Remember passing notes in class or sending letters? It sounds so elementary, but that was how you flirted back then. It wasn’t fast or efficient, but it was definitely sweet. Plus, waiting to see if they checked the “yes” or “no” box only added to the excitement.
Today: Chatting all day is made easy by texts, emojis, and even memes. You don’t have to wait long for a reply (hopefully)—all you have to do is send a funny GIF, and boom, you’re flirting!
10. How You Looked for Love: Personal Ads vs. Social Media Stalking
In the ’80s: If you really wanted love ASAP, an option was to put a personal ad in the newspaper. It was like an early form of online dating, but way slower and way more analog.
Today: It just takes a quick scroll through someone’s social media to know if you even want to go through with a first date. A quick little background check gives you all the information you ever needed (and likely more).
11. Asking for Advice: Magazines vs. Google
In the ’80s: When you needed dating advice, you’d turn to your favorite magazine, like Cosmo or Seventeen. They even had a whole section dedicated to answering readers’ questions! Was the advice cheesy? Yeah, but it’s what they had.
Today: If you need advice, you can just Google it. There is no shortage of articles, videos, and Reddit threads that can answer every dating question you could ever have.
12. Breaking the Ice: Awkward First Dates vs. Chat Before You Meet
In the ’80s: First dates were kind of awkward because, well, you didn’t know each other that well. You were figuring it all out in real-time, and making decisions based on the person in front of you. And that meant small talk was essential.
Today: By the time you go on a date now, you’ve probably texted back and forth for days or even FaceTimed. Isn’t that crazy? But what’s good about it, is that while it does take away the element of surprise, it does create less pressure to break the ice.
13. Handling Rejection: Face-to-Face vs. Unmatching
In the ’80s: Rejection was done one way: face-to-face (or voice-to-voice if you decided to make a call). It was definitely not fun but at least it was direct and both parties knew where they stood.
Today: No more face-to-face or voice-to-voice. Now, you’ll just get unmatched on a dating app or ghosted after a few texts. It’s absolutely easier for the person rejecting you, but it can leave the ghosted confused and without closure.
14. Finding “The One”: Serendipity vs. Algorithms
In the ’80s: Finding “the One” was mostly about luck and timing. You met people through friends or random encounters, and there was a certain magic to that.
Today: Dating apps do a lot of the heavy lifting. Algorithms match you based on your preferences, location, and interests. It’s efficient, but it does take some spontaneity out of it.
15. Commitment: Going Steady vs. Defining the Relationship (DTR)’
In the ’80s: “Going steady” was a big deal. To show that you were “an item” you would’ve exchanged class rings or given a letterman jacket to make it super official. Everyone knew that you two were together and it was exciting!
Today: Now, there’s a whole acronym for this—DTR or “Define the Relationship.” Those conversations can happen after a few dates, texts, and hangouts, but often it takes a lot longer. There’s more ambiguity, and exclusivity isn’t assumed until you’ve had that talk.
