A common misconception about emotional intelligence is that it’s all about being empathetic and kind to other people. While that’s part of it, it’s about so much more. Sometimes, doing the things you wouldn’t think of doing can help you become more in tune with your feelings — and everyone else’s too. Here are 15 habits to try if you want to give your emotional intelligence a boost!
1. Be more assertive.
Speaking your mind with people is an important part of having emotional intelligence. It enables you to understand your own feelings and needs, enabling you to better communicate them with people around you. If you lack confidence, you might assume that being assertive puts up walls between yourself and everyone else, but it actually brings them down because it helps you to reach out to people and connect with them on a deep level.
2. Don’t be agreeable.
Although having emotional intelligence is about resolving conflicts, it’s not about saying “yes” to everyone or biting your tongue to keep the peace. That isn’t empathetic — it makes you a people pleaser or doormat who avoids your feelings and needs! Having emotional intelligence means that you can have different opinions with other people without it becoming an issue. It also means that you can actively listen to people so you work through conflict instead of avoiding it, per Big Think.
3. Jump into difficult conversations.
It’s a total myth to think that having emotional intelligence means being positive all the time. You’re a human being, not a member of the Brady Bunch! By being aware of your so-called negative emotions, such as jealousy and anger, you can express what’s on your mind with people you value in your life. This prevents you from neglecting your needs, while helping you resolve relationship issues in a constructive way.
4. Be open-minded instead of telling people how to feel.
Staying open to other people’s views, thoughts, and feelings can help you to better understand their perspective, enriching your relationships. But it’s a misconception to think that having greater empathy is about helping people feel better about their situation. While this is sometimes true, what’s more important than trying to cheer people up is allowing them to speak to you without judging them.
5. See change in a positive way.
If you want to boost your emotional intelligence, you should look at how you view change. Although it can be scary, people with high emotional intelligence don’t shy away from making changes and embracing the unknown because they stay emotionally adaptable. They know how to manage their feelings so that fear doesn’t keep them stuck. Having a positive approach to change is something to practice when you enter new, uncertain circumstances.
6. Say “no.”
Although you might assume that caring about other people’s emotions means always trying to meet them halfway, this isn’t always possible. Sometimes you have to say “no” to people’s requests so that you can focus on your wellbeing. It’s not about being selfish, but rather having self-awareness and boundaries, both of which ensure you can maintain your emotional health.
7. Do regular digital detoxes.
Although spending time online can help you learn more about other people’s perspectives and feelings, taking a break from digital devices and social media is an important habit of emotionally intelligent people, Verywell Mind notes. Turning off your phone prevents you from being distracted away from your emotions or reacting to every notification instead of focusing on the world and people around you.
8. Listen without giving unsolicited advice.
It’s a myth to think that emotional intelligent people are like the therapists of their social circles because they give such great advice. While this might be true, there shouldn’t be that pressure placed on them! Look, the most important thing about empathy is actively listening to other people instead of telling them what they should do. Dishing out unsolicited advice will make them feel like you’re being rude and inconsiderate, not emotionally intelligent.
9. Stay open to criticism.
Emotional intelligence isn’t just about being self-aware, but also about being open to other people’s feedback, which can bolster your self-awareness even more. It enables you to keep learning about your strengths and weaknesses so you can grow. By being receptive to criticism, you avoid getting stuck in your own ideas about yourself. Instead, you remain open to other perspectives and embrace the positive connections in your life that help you become a better you.
10. Ask for help.
Reaching out for support isn’t a sign of weakness. Instead, it’s about having the self-awareness to know when you can’t handle all the stress you’re carrying on your own. People with high levels of emotional intelligence know that they don’t have to be perceived as self-sufficient to be considered worthy. Asking for help shows people that you’re confident enough to take action to improve your circumstances, while building community.
11. Delay your reactions to things.
When you get the opportunity to change your life, you can bolster your emotional intelligence by taking the time to thoughtfully process the information instead of making a rash decision. Taking a bit of time for yourself enables you to identify what you need and feel, while choosing the best course of action. Similarly, taking a bit of time to listen to people’s problems or criticism before responding, you can prevent negativity while focusing on your, or someone else’s, emotional needs.
12. Try to get away from people for a while.
Although emotional intelligence is sometimes about improving your relationships with people via active listening and empathy, it’s just as important to get away from other people every now and then. Emotionally intelligent people know how important it is to have alone time so that they can recharge their energy reserves and focus on their feelings without distraction. This ensures greater self-awareness and knowing what you want.
13. Open up to people.
You might assume that being emotionally intelligent is about regulating your emotions all the time, but keeping a lid on what you feel is toxic. It doesn’t make you seem emotionally or mentally strong. Instead, it keeps you inside your head and blocks out other people. By opening up to people by being honest and transparent, you can boost your emotional intelligence. You’ll learn how to better identify and deal with your emotions, which will enhance your relationships.
14. Don’t trust all your emotions.
Although you want to be in tune with your feelings, you shouldn’t believe everything they tell you. The truth is, your feelings can lead you astray, such as by making you want to lose your patience during a stressful moment. Or, they might make you want to lie in bed all day instead of staying healthy by exercising or pursuing a creative passion. This is why emotionally intelligent people stop and process their feelings instead of blindly running with them. They can separate their feelings from what they need to be happy.
15. Be grateful.
If you want to boost your emotional intelligence, you should start being thankful for what you already have in life. It might sound weird, but gratitude helps to encourage more positive emotions within you. By keeping a gratitude journal, you’ll gain a better understanding and appreciation of other people’s feelings, enhancing your capacity for empathy. This also strengthens your social connections.
