Have you ever met someone new, and within minutes, you can feel the invisible wall going up? If yes, you may have been the open unknowingly building that wall. Here’s a list of 15 behaviors that might be turning strangers off faster than you can say “Nice to meet you.”
1. You have vocal fry
You’re speaking with that low, creaky voice that sounds like you’re running out of air at the end of every sentence. While it might be trendy in some circles, vocal fry can be perceived as affected or insincere. It can also be grating on the ears over time, making it difficult for people to focus on what you’re saying rather than how you’re saying it.
Practice speaking from your diaphragm and maintaining steady breath support throughout your sentences. If you’re not sure if you have vocal fry, record yourself speaking and listen back. Awareness is the first step.
2. You’re a know it all
You’ve got an opinion on everything, and by gosh, everyone’s going to hear it. You’re correcting people left and right, whether they asked for it or not. It comes across as arrogant and makes others feel inferior or annoyed. Nobody likes feeling like they’re constantly in a pop quiz they didn’t study for.
Remember, not every thought needs to be expressed. Try asking questions instead of always providing answers. Show curiosity about others’ perspectives.
3. You’re in everyone’s space
You’re standing so close that the other person can count your eyelashes. Or worse, you’re the touchy-feely type with people you’ve just met. Here’s the thing: everyone gets anxious when you invade their bubble—in fact, in many cultures, it’s seen as aggressive or overly intimate.
Imagine there’s an invisible hula hoop around each person. Stay outside the hoop unless invited in. When in doubt, take a step back.
4. You interrupt a lot
You’re jumping into conversations and that sends the message that you think what you have to say is more important than what others are saying. It’s the conversational equivalent of cutting in line.
Wait for a natural pause in the conversation before speaking. If you absolutely must interject, start with “Sorry to interrupt, but…” and make it quick.
5. You fake listen
You’re nodding along and saying “uh-huh” at all the right moments, but your eyes are glazed over, and you can’t repeat back a word of what was just said. People can usually tell when you’re not really listening, and it makes them feel unimportant or boring. It’s like being on a phone call with someone who’s clearly scrolling through social media while you’re talking.
Practice active listening. Engage with what’s being said by asking relevant questions or making thoughtful comments. If you find your mind wandering, try to refocus by mentally summarizing what the person has said so far.
6. You’re a conversation hijacker
Someone brings up a topic, and you immediately steer the conversation to something entirely different that you want to talk about. It shows a lack of interest in what others have to say and can make people feel like their contributions to the conversation aren’t valued.
Practice staying on topic. If you have something you’re eager to discuss, make a mental note and bring it up when there’s a natural lull in the conversation. Try to find connections between what others are saying and what you want to share, rather than abruptly changing subjects.
7. You’re a certified humble bragger
“Ugh, I hate how my new sports car attracts so much attention!” Sound familiar? This comes across as insincere and can make others feel inadequate. And guess what: most people can see right through it.
If you want to share an accomplishment, do so straightforwardly and briefly. Better yet, wait until you’re asked about it.
8. You overexplain
You’re giving long, detailed explanations for simple concepts, often repeating yourself. Honestly? It can come across as condescending as if you don’t think others can understand basic ideas. It’s also time-consuming and can bore your audience.
Start with a brief explanation. If someone needs more details, they’ll ask. Pay attention to non-verbal cues that might indicate boredom or impatience.
9. You one-up everyone
Someone shares a story, and you immediately launch into a tale of how you did it better, faster, or with more style. One-upping makes people feel like their experiences are being devalued. It turns every conversation into a competition and nobody wants to play.
Instead of trying to top someone’s story, show genuine interest. Ask questions about their experience. Save your own amazing tales for another time, they’ll still be there.
10. You’re complaining a lot
You’re treating every conversation like it’s an open mic night for your grievances. The weather, the traffic, the state of the world—nothing escapes your critiques. But that constant negativity? It’s exhausting for those around you. It’s like being a human rain cloud – people will seek shelter elsewhere.
Try the 1:1 rule—for every complaint, share something positive or constructive. Even better: save the complaints for your diary.
11. You’re addicted to your phone
You’re more engrossed in your phone than in the people around you. You’re scrolling, tapping, and swiping while others are trying to interact with you. It sends the message that whatever’s on your phone is more important than the people you’re with.
When you’re with others, especially new acquaintances, keep your phone out of sight. If you must check it, excuse yourself briefly.
12. You’re a loud talker
Your volume is set to 11, and you’re broadcasting your conversation to everyone within a 50-foot radius. Not only is it disruptive to others, but it can make people feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re discussing personal stuff.
Be aware of your surroundings and modulate your voice accordingly. If people are leaning away from you, it’s probably time to turn down the volume.
13. You give way too much information
Within minutes of meeting someone, you’re diving into your deepest secrets, family dramas, or medical history. Too much information too soon can make people uncomfortable. It’s like trying to watch a movie starting from the climax—overwhelming and out of context.
Start with light, general topics and gauge the other person’s interest and reciprocation before delving deeper. Save the heavy stuff for established relationships.
14. You forget other people’s names
Someone introduces themselves, and two seconds later, you’ve forgotten their name. You spend the rest of the conversation avoiding using any names at all. Remembering someone’s name shows that you value them as an individual. Forgetting it can make them feel unmemorable or unimportant.
When someone introduces themselves, repeat their name back to them. Use it once or twice in the conversation to help cement it in your memory.
15. You’re trying too hard to be funny
Every sentence out of your mouth is a punchline. While humor is great, too much can be exhausting. It can also come across as a defense mechanism, preventing genuine connection.
Balance your humor with sincerity. Read the room—if people aren’t laughing, it might be time to dial it back.
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