Religion can be a source of comfort and community for many, but sometimes, certain phrases can be used as subtle weapons of shame. It’s like a secret code—seemingly harmless on the surface, but potentially damaging underneath. So, grab your cup of coffee, and let’s get into some of these sneaky shame-inducing phrases.
1. “God never gives you more than you can handle.”
We hate this one. It’s meant to be encouraging, but let’s be real—it can feel like a sucker punch. It’s like saying, “If you’re struggling, it’s because you’re not strong enough.” Talk about victim-blaming. This can make people feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed or seeking help. But it’s okay to not be able to handle everything on your own. Even Jesus had Simon help carry his cross. Sometimes, the lesson isn’t about handling it all, it’s about learning to lean on others and ask for help.
2. “Love the sinner, hate the sin.”
This is actually a backhanded way of saying, “I fundamentally disapprove of who you are or what you’re doing, but I’ll tolerate your existence.” It’s often used in discussions about LGBTQ+ issues or lifestyle choices that don’t align with certain religious views. The problem? It implies that a core part of someone’s identity is a “sin” that needs to be hated. That’s not love; that’s conditional acceptance at best.
3. “You’re just going through a phase.”
Ah, the dismissive classic. It’s a way of invalidating your experiences and feelings, suggesting that your current state is just a temporary deviation from the “right” path. It’s patronizing and dismissive, implying that you’re not capable of making real, lasting decisions about your life and beliefs.
4. “God works in mysterious ways.”
This phrase often comes up when something bad happens, and it can be genuinely comforting for some. But it can also be used as a conversation-ender, a way to shut down questions or doubts. It’s the spiritual equivalent of “because I said so.” It can leave the person feeling like their concerns aren’t valid or that they’re wrong for even asking.
5. “It’s all part of God’s plan.”
Similar to “God works in mysterious ways,” this phrase can be comforting in some contexts. But when used to explain away suffering or injustice, it becomes problematic. It can make people feel guilty for being upset about painful experiences, implying that their suffering is somehow divinely ordained. It can also be used to justify inaction in the face of problems. After all, if it’s God’s plan, why try to change anything?
6. “You just need to let go and let God.”
This phrase sounds zen, doesn’t it? Just relax and let the big guy upstairs take care of everything. But it’s often used to dismiss very real concerns or struggles. Dealing with depression? Let go and let God. Facing discrimination? Let go and let God. It can be a way of avoiding difficult conversations or practical solutions. While faith can be a source of strength, it shouldn’t be used as a substitute for seeking help when needed.
7. “The Bible clearly says…”
This is whipped out to shut down discussions about complex moral or social issues. The problem? The Bible, like many religious texts, is vast, complex, and open to interpretation. What’s “clear” to one person might be totally obscure to another. This phrase can be used to oversimplify nuanced issues and shame those who disagree. Remember, even biblical scholars often disagree on interpretations. It’s okay to question and explore different understandings.
8. “You’re on my heart.”
Often used in place of “I’m worried about you,” it can be a way of expressing concern (or judgment) about someone’s life choices without directly confronting them. “You’ve been on my heart lately” might really mean “I disapprove of what you’re doing and I’m praying for you to change.” It’s indirect communication masked as care.
9. “The Truth shall set you free.”
Sounds empowering, right? But in certain contexts, “The Truth” (always with a capital T) is code for “My specific interpretation of religion.” It’s often used to imply that if you’re struggling or unhappy, it’s because you haven’t fully embraced their version of faith. It can be a way of dismissing other perspectives or experiences as simply not enlightened enough. But here’s the real truth: freedom often comes from asking questions and exploring diverse viewpoints.
10. “Everything happens for a reason.”
The spiritual cousin of “it’s all part of God’s plan.” Sure, it can be comforting to think there’s some grand design behind life’s chaos. But when someone’s going through a genuinely traumatic experience, this phrase can feel dismissive and cruel. Lost a loved one? Got diagnosed with a serious illness? “Everything happens for a reason” can make it sound like their suffering is somehow justified or necessary. It’s okay if things just suck sometimes. Not everything needs a silver lining.
11. “You’re being led astray.”
This one gets used when someone starts exploring ideas or lifestyles outside of their religious upbringing. It implies that you’re not capable of thinking for yourself and that any deviation from the prescribed path is due to external, negative influences. It’s a way of infantilizing adults and dismissing their ability to make informed decisions. Plus, it creates an “us vs. them” mentality, painting the outside world as dangerous and corrupt.
12. “That’s not very Christian of you.”
The ultimate guilt-inducer for those raised in Christian environments. It’s used to shame people for a wide range of behaviors, from expressing anger to setting boundaries. It sets up an impossible standard of perpetual niceness and self-sacrifice, ignoring the complexity of human emotions and needs.
13. “I don’t judge, but…”
Spoiler alert: if there’s a “but,” they’re totally judging. This phrase is often followed by, well, judgment. It’s a way of criticizing while trying to maintain a veneer of Christian love and acceptance. “I don’t judge, but I think your lifestyle is sinful.” See what happened there? It’s judgment in a holy disguise. True non-judgment doesn’t come with conditions or caveats.
14.”I’ll pray for you.”
On the surface, it sounds caring, right? Someone’s thinking about you and wants the best for you! But context is everything. When said with a certain tone or in response to a lifestyle choice they disapprove of, it’s less about genuine concern and more about passing judgment. It’s like saying, “You’re clearly making bad choices, and only divine intervention can save you now.” Ouch.
15. “Love is patient, love is kind…”
Ah, the love chapter from Corinthians. Beautiful in a wedding, potentially manipulative in an argument. When someone starts quoting this in response to you expressing frustration or setting boundaries, be wary. It’s often used to imply that if you were really loving (read: really Christian), you wouldn’t be upset, angry, or in need of space.
