When it comes to narcissists and empaths getting into a relationship…well, let’s just say that’s a recipe for disaster, And often, there’s a whole lot more than meets the eye. Let’s look at the fascinating (and sometimes unsettling) reasons these two personality types can’t seem to stay away from each other.
1. The cycle of intermittent reinforcement
Narcissists like to employ a pattern of intermittent reinforcement—alternating between affection one day and coldness the next. This unpredictable pattern is psychologically similar to gambling, creating a powerful addiction in the empath’s brain. They never know when they’ll get their next “fix” of approval or affection, keeping them constantly engaged and hoping for that next high.
2. Misinterpretation of red flags
Empaths have a tendency to see the best in others, sometimes to their own detriment. Early red flags in a narcissist’s behavior—like love bombing or subtle put-downs—might be seen as signs of passion or playful teasing. By the time the empath realizes what’s really happening, they’re often already deeply emotionally invested in the relationship.
3. The rescue fantasy
Many empaths have a deeply ingrained belief that their love can save or transform another person. Narcissists, with their often-tumultuous lives and emotional volatility, play perfectly into this fantasy. The empath gets to feel like the hero of the story, swooping in to save the day. The problem is that this role can be intoxicating, even when it’s ultimately unfulfilling.
4. Complementary insecurities
Narcissists and empaths often have complementary insecurities that initially seem to balance each other out. The narcissist’s grandiosity can make the insecure empath feel protected and special. Meanwhile, the empath’s admiration feeds the narcissist’s need for constant validation. This dynamic can feel comfortable at first, but it ultimately prevents both parties from addressing their underlying issues.
5. Childhood wounds
Many empaths grew up in dysfunctional families where their emotional needs weren’t met. They learned to prioritize others’ feelings over their own as a survival mechanism. When they meet a narcissist who love-bombs them initially, it feels like they’re finally getting the love and attention they’ve always craved. The narcissist’s demanding nature feels familiar like the parent they could never quite please.
6. The dance of opposites
Narcissists and empaths are like the yin and yang of the personality world. Narcissists crave attention and admiration, while empaths excel at giving care and understanding. This complementary dynamic creates a powerful initial attraction. The narcissist feels seen and adored, while the empath feels needed and valued.
7. The excitement of potential
According to Psych Central, narcissists are charming and charismatic, especially at the beginning of a relationship. They paint big pictures of the future and make big promises. For empaths, who can feel misunderstood by others, this initial connection can feel like finding their soulmate. The narcissist seems to offer everything they’ve ever wanted—understanding, passion, and a shared vision for the future. The empath becomes invested in this potential, making it harder to walk away when reality doesn’t match up to the promises.
8. The power of projection
Narcissists are masters of projection, attributing their own negative traits and behaviors to others. For empaths, who are often self-reflective and eager to improve themselves, this can be particularly confusing and damaging. They may find themselves constantly apologizing or trying to fix things that aren’t actually their fault. This dynamic keeps the empath off-balance and focused on the narcissist’s needs, rather than their own.
9. Fear of abandonment
Both narcissists and empaths have deep-seated fears of abandonment, albeit for different reasons. Narcissists fear losing their source of narcissistic supply, while empaths often have a core belief that they’ll be left if they don’t keep others happy. This shared fear can create a toxic bond where both parties cling to the relationship, even when it’s clearly unhealthy.
10. The mirror effect
Narcissists have the uncanny ability to reflect back what others want to see. For empaths, who often struggle with their own identity, this creates a powerful illusion of connection. They think, “Finally, someone who truly gets me!” This mirroring makes the empath feel deeply understood, perhaps for the first time in their life. It’s a heady feeling that’s hard to walk away from, even when cracks start to appear in the façade.
11. Boundary issues
According to Psych Central, empaths struggle with setting and maintaining healthy boundaries. They’re so attuned to others’ emotions that they have trouble separating their own needs from those of others. Narcissists, on the other hand, have no problem pushing boundaries to get what they want. This combination can lead to a relationship where the narcissist constantly pushes and takes, while the empath gives until they’re emotionally exhausted.
12. The illusion of depth
Narcissists are often skilled at creating the appearance of emotional depth and vulnerability, especially early in relationships. For empaths, who crave genuine connection, this can be appealing. They believe they’ve found someone who truly understands emotional complexity. It’s only later that they realize much of this “depth” was performative.
13. Trauma bonding
The cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discarding that’s common in relationships with narcissists can create a trauma bond. This psychological phenomenon makes it incredibly difficult for empaths to leave, even when they intellectually know the relationship is unhealthy. The intensity of emotions involved—both positive and negative—creates a powerful addiction.
14. The allure of the wounded soul
Many narcissists have a tragic backstory that they use to explain (and excuse) their behavior. For empaths, these stories of past trauma can be incredibly compelling. They think, “If I can just love them enough, they’ll heal and become the person I know they can be.” This belief can keep an empath invested long past the point where they should have walked away.
15. Emotional intensity
Relationships between narcissists and empaths are rarely boring. For empaths who fear mundane relationships, this constant emotionally heightened state can be addictive. The highs are euphoric—when the narcissist is in their “love bombing” phase, the empath feels like they’re walking on air. The lows might be painful, but they’re never dull. This intensity can make other relationships seem lackluster in comparison.
