Most of us try our best to be liked and appreciated by other people, but sometimes, we unknowingly drive people away with toxic habits. It’s important to remember that exhibiting toxic or negative behaviors doesn’t always make you a bad person. If you’re able to reflect on it and change your behavior, then you can ensure that you keep loved ones close. So, going forward, you need to quit doing these things.
1. Showing signs of jealousy
We all feel jealousy sometimes, and it’s not something you should be ashamed of. However, it’s how you deal with that jealousy that’s important. If you’re lashing out at someone because you’re jealous, or you’re making rude comments towards them out of spite, then you’re obviously going to drive people away. They won’t want to be around someone like that. On the other hand, if you can acknowledge your jealousy and learn from it, then you can stop yourself from hurting people and scaring them away. Jealousy is often caused by insecurities, so start caring for yourself, appreciating yourself and most importantly, talk to yourself with kindness.
2. Making jokes about someone’s insecurities
Jokes are meant to make people laugh, but if your jokes are met with silence or outrage, it’s time to stop and reflect. What are you hoping to achieve from making these jokes? Are you doing it to make them laugh, or are you putting them down to make yourself feel better? Perhaps you don’t mean to hurt them at all, but the reality is you could be unknowingly driving them away. Think about how you might feel if someone joked about your insecurities. It’s not so funny now, is it? When you make jokes, make sure people actually find them funny. If they don’t, stop saying them.
3. Gossiping about people
You’re not in high school anymore, so you don’t need to gossip like you still are. The truth is, when you gossip with your friends about other people, how do they know you’re not gossiping about them behind their backs, too? Your level of trustworthiness shoots down, and soon enough they’ll start to distance themselves from you so that you don’t know too much about them. If you want people to like you and trust you, you need to stop gossiping. Talk about what you’re watching on Netflix instead.
4. Being too negative
We get it — life is really hard sometimes. Everyone has moments where they feel down and all they want to do is complain. But if you’re being negative all the time, this brings down other people’s moods as well. If you’re talking to someone who’s highly sensitive to other people’s emotions, this could easily scare them away. No one is asking you to be positive all the time, but having a slightly more positive outlook in life will make it easier for people to be in your company.
5. Being a sore loser
Games are only fun if everyone is having fun, but sometimes, people take it far too seriously. You might pride yourself for being competitive, but not everyone sees this as a good thing. If you tend to throw a tantrum whenever you lose at a game or come second place, then this could be scaring people away. Who wants someone bringing down the mood every time they’re trying to have fun? Instead, try to enjoy the game for what it is. It’s just a bit of fun. It’s really not the end of the world if you lose. And who knows, you might win next time!
6. Not listening to people
There’s very little point in being around someone who doesn’t listen. So, if you talk more than you listen, know that people are going to get fed up very quickly. It’s all about balance. You can talk about yourself, but only if you’re prepared to let other people talk, too. Their feelings and opinions are just as important as yours, and if you want them to like you, then you have to learn to accept that.
7. Having a bad temper
Everyone loses their cool sometimes, but if you’re the type of person who gets angry at the smallest inconveniences and likes to express it, then don’t be surprised if it scares people away. No one likes to be around a hothead because you can never be sure when they might explode. And when you do explode, the people around you might end up feeling the brunt of your anger, and that’s not fair. You need to learn to control your emotions. When you do feel angry, take a moment to calm yourself down. Walk away for a few minutes and take a few deep breaths before you return to the conversation.
8. Craving attention
Do you crave attention and love to be center stage? Do you talk about yourself a lot while ignoring other other people? This kind of behavior is off-putting, and it’s a surefire way to scare people away. After all, no one likes a show off. You might see it as confidence and high self-esteem, but others see it as a competition. They’re literally competing to get your attention. And at the end of the day, is it worth it just to be friends with you? No, not really. If you don’t want to drive people away, then stop making everything about you. Let other people have center stage sometimes!
9. Believing you’re always right
If you can’t accept other people’s opinions and always believe that you’re right about everything, then you’re going to push people away. There will be plenty of times when you’re wrong, and you need to be able to accept it and learn from it. And there will be other times when you’ll have debates with people, and you need to accept that there are multiple opinions rather than just your own.
10. Always being late
Do you still live by the rule of being “fashionably late” to everything? While you might think of yourself as easy-going and laid-back, others see it as rude and careless. Arriving late to someone’s wedding isn’t going to get you any brownie points, it’s going to make them think twice before inviting you anywhere ever again. This constant lateness could push away the people you care about. So, if you do actually care about them and their feelings, try to show up on time for once. Set a few alarms and leave notes on your refrigerator so you don’t forget!
11. Interrupting conversations
Even if you do it unintentionally, frequently interrupting people when they’re talking is annoying and rude. It sends the message that you don’t care what they have to say — you only care about the sound of your own voice. If you don’t want to scare them off, then let them say their piece. This makes for a better conversation, too, as it won’t seem so one-sided.
12. A lack of empathy
While you can’t always put yourself in somebody else’s shoes, you can at least try to sympathize with them. What might seem silly or trivial to you, could mean a whole lot to someone else. Instead of giving terrible advice like, “cheer up” or “other people have it worse”, say something that will actually provide some comfort. “I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I know you’ll get through it,” is much more helpful and comforting, and they’ll be glad to have you around.
13. Being too cheap
Expecting other people to always pay for your meal and drinks whenever you’re out is entitled behavior. Whether it’s a friend, family member or a date, you shouldn’t expect them to always foot the bill. If you do this too often, they’ll get the impression that you’re too cheap, and they won’t keep doing it. It’s fairer to split the bill or take turns paying — this shows that you’re not using them for their money, you genuinely enjoy their company.
14. Making reckless decisions
Gone are your teenage years when you made poor choices just to get a thrill. You’re an adult, and you know your actions have consequences. If your idea of a fun night out is to make reckless choices that could get you and someone else into trouble, don’t be surprised if they walk out of your life for good. You have to be considerate of yourself and others. Have some self-control, Verywell Mind advises, and work on building a better and healthier relationship with yourself. When you’re happier with yourself and your life in general, you won’t make reckless decisions.
15. Having no goals or ambitions
Your goals and ambitions connect you to other people. Those who have similar goals will be drawn to you, and they’ll want to have deep conversations about it. However, if you don’t have any goals in life, other people might see you as a blank page. They won’t know what to talk to you about, and this will quickly scare them off. If you want to be surrounded by people, then you have to work on yourself and set goals for yourself. Think about what you would like to achieve in life and set some small, achievable steps. When other people can see you working on yourself, they’ll be drawn to you.
