Siblings know all your embarrassing childhood stories, have seen you at your worst, and somehow still stick around. But let’s face it, sometimes that relationship can be tricky. If you’re looking to turn that challenging sibling relationship into something more positive, you’re in the right place. Here are some ways to navigate the waters.
1. Go down memory lane
No, we’re not talking about rehashing old arguments. Instead, try reminiscing about positive shared experiences. Remember that time you both got in trouble for drawing on the walls? Or when you teamed up to convince your parents to get a dog? Focusing on these shared positive memories can help remind you both of the bond you share. It’s like hitting the reset button on your relationship, reminding you of the good times before things got complicated.
2. Find common ground
You might feel like you and your sibling are from different planets, but there’s bound to be something you both enjoy. Maybe you both love trying new restaurants, or perhaps you share a passion for cheesy 80s movies. Finding these shared interests can give you a neutral topic to bond over, free from old tensions or family dynamics.
3. Try to forgive
This one’s a toughie, but it’s crucial. Holding onto past hurts is like carrying around a backpack full of rocks—it only weighs you down. Try to let go of old grievances. This doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing hurtful behavior, but rather choosing to move forward without letting those past events define your current relationship. Remember, forgiveness is more for your peace of mind than theirs.
4. Make sure you check in regularly
Life gets busy, and it’s easy to let sibling relationships slide to the back burner. Combat this by setting up a regular check-in. It could be a weekly phone call, a monthly coffee date, or even just a quick text every few days. Consistency is key here, it shows you’re making the relationship a priority.
5. Keep parents out of your conflicts
If you’re still falling into the childhood pattern of running to mom or dad when you have a disagreement, it’s time to break that habit. Try to resolve conflicts directly with your sibling. Involving parents can complicate things and prevent you from developing a mature, independent relationship with your sibling.
6. Focus on the present and future
While it’s important to address past issues, don’t let your relationship get stuck there. Focus on who you both are now and who you want to be in the future. How can you support each other’s goals? How do you want your relationship to look in 5, 10, or 20 years? Having a forward-looking perspective can help you move past old dynamics and build a new, improved relationship.
7. Be an active listener
This isn’t about just hearing the words coming out of your sibling’s mouth. It’s about really tuning in, trying to understand their perspective, and showing them you value what they have to say. Put down your phone, make eye contact, and resist the urge to interrupt or formulate your response while they’re still talking. You might be surprised at what you learn when you really listen. Who knows? You might even find out why they were so annoyed about you borrowing their favorite sweater 15 years ago.
8. Set your own boundaries (and respect theirs)
Just because you share DNA doesn’t mean you have to share everything. It’s okay to set boundaries about what you’re comfortable discussing, how often you interact, and what kind of support you can offer. Maybe you’re not ready to discuss your love life with them, or perhaps you need to limit how often you lend them money. The key is to communicate these boundaries clearly and respectfully.
9. Respect their individuality
Just because you grew up in the same house doesn’t mean you have to be carbon copies of each other. Embrace your differences! Maybe your sibling’s career choice baffles you, or their lifestyle seems alien. That’s okay. Respecting their right to be their own person can go a long way in improving your relationship.
10. Create new experiences together
Sometimes, the best way to improve a relationship is to create new, positive memories together. Plan a weekend trip, take a cooking class together, or start a new tradition like a monthly game night. These shared experiences can help you connect as the adults you are now, rather than the kids you used to be.
11. Avoid comparison
The comparison game is a lose-lose situation. Whether you’re comparing yourself to them or vice versa, it only breeds resentment. Remember, your paths in life don’t have to be the same for both to be valid and successful. Celebrate each other’s unique strengths and achievements instead of measuring them against your own.
12. Acknowledge their role in your life
Sometimes, we take our siblings for granted. Take a moment to acknowledge the positive role they play in your life. Maybe they’re great at giving advice, or perhaps they’re the one person who can always make you laugh. Letting them know you appreciate them can go a long way in strengthening your bond.
13. Put yourself in your sibling’s shoes
What might be driving their behavior? What challenges might they be facing that you’re not aware of? Approaching your relationship with empathy can help you be more understanding and patient.
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