Not all relationships are fairy tales and romcoms…some are more so the “meh, it’s fine, I guess” variety. You know, the ones where the spark has fizzled out. If you’re wondering whether you’ve accidentally stumbled into mediocre relationships, we’re about to chat about the signs you may be settling for less than you deserve.
1. You’re more excited about your Amazon delivery than seeing your partner
If the highlight of your day is the arrival of that package you ordered (even if it’s just socks), rather than spending time with your significant other, it might be time to reassess. Your partner should at least rank higher than a cardboard box on your “woo-hoo” scale. Unless, of course, your partner is IN the box. But that’s a whole different kind of relationship issue.
2. You’re using “we’ve been together for so long” as a reason to stay together
Time invested is not a good enough reason to keep investing. If the only thing keeping you in the relationship is the length of time you’ve been in it, you’re falling victim to the sunk cost fallacy. Your relationship isn’t a bad stock you’re hoping will bounce back—this is your life! Don’t waste more time just because you’ve already spent some.
3. Your healthy arguments have gotten passive-aggressive
Fighting isn’t fun, but it’s a normal part of any relationship. However, if your debates have turned into cold shoulders and eye rolls, you’ve got a problem. Passive-aggressive jabs and silent treatments are signs that you’ve both checked out of actively working on your issues. Real talk: if you can’t be bothered to have a proper discussion anymore, you might not be bothered about the relationship at all.
4. Your romantic gestures are on autopilot
Flowers on Valentine’s Day, check. Birthday gift, check. If your romantic gestures feel more like items on a to-do list than expressions of love, you’re in dangerous waters. Genuine romance should make your heart race, not make you race to cross it off your list. When was the last time you did something truly thoughtful and spontaneous for your partner?
5. Date nights have turned into nights at home
Remember when date night meant getting dressed up and going out? Now, it’s all about sweatpants and binge-watching the latest series. Don’t get me wrong, cozy nights in are great, but if that’s all you’re doing, you might be in “settling” territory. When was the last time you two actually went on a real date? If you can’t remember, Houston, we have a problem.
6. Your conversations lack substance
“How was your day?” “Fine.” “What do you want for dinner?” “Whatever.” If this sounds like a transcript of your daily chats, you’re in trouble. Meaningful conversations have left the building, and small talk has taken up permanent residence. You think the last time you had a discussion that didn’t revolve around chores or what to watch next was years ago.
7. You’re constantly daydreaming about your “what if” person
We all have that person—the one who got away, the crush from college, or maybe even a coworker. But if you’re spending more time fantasizing about a life with them than focusing on your actual relationship, it’s a red flag the size of Texas. Your partner should be your “what if” person, not your “meh, it’ll do” person.
8. PDA stands for “Pretty Darn Awkward”
Now, holding hands feels about as natural as wearing socks with sandals. If the thought of kissing in public (or private, for that matter) makes you cringe, it might be time to face the music: the physical spark has left the building.
9. Your future plans sound suspiciously singular
When you think about the future, is it “we” or “me”? If your dreams and goals don’t include your partner, it might be because deep down, you don’t see them in your future. A shared vision is key in a relationship. If your vision board looks like a solo adventure, it might be time to reevaluate.
10. You’re stuffing your emotions away
Vulnerability? What’s that? If you find yourself keeping your true feelings under lock and key, it’s a sign that emotional intimacy has packed its bags and left town. A great relationship should be your safe space to be your authentic self, not a place where you’re constantly ducking from your emotions.
11. Your pet gets more affection than your partner
The pups are great, but if you’re showering them with all your love and affection while your partner gets the cold shoulder, something’s off. Unless your partner is actually a pet (in which case, please seek help immediately), they should be getting at least as many cuddles as your furry friends.
12. You’re constantly playing the “grass is greener” game
If you find yourself regularly comparing your relationship to others, thinking everyone else has it better, one word: yikes. The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it. If you’re too busy peering over the fence to tend to your own lawn, your relationship is going to turn into a desert.
13. Your happiest moments don’t involve your partner
When you think about the high points of your week, your month, your year—where does your partner feature? If they’re consistently absent from your highlight reel, it’s a sign that they’re not adding joy to your life. Your partner should be a star player in your happiness, not a benchwarmer.
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