Do you run around doing everyone else’s work because, despite being booked solid, you want to help them? Do you worry a little too much about everyone else’s well-being, to the point where it makes you come across as controlling? This usually means you’re over-functioning, probably because you’re trying to soothe your own frustrations and anxieties. You probably also struggle with perfectionist tendencies. Need more proof that this is you? See how many of these behaviors you can relate to.
1. You Finish People’s Sentences.
When chatting to someone, do you try to finish their sentences or talk over them? This not only comes across as rude but it also shows that you struggle to deal with people who don’t move at the same pace as you. You’re impatient and want to jump in to talk. Try to stop yourself so you really listen to what they’re saying instead of cutting them off. Don’t get a bad reputation as a lousy communicator.
2. You Do Your Partner’s Chores.
If you’re living with someone, do you sometimes do their chores, like washing the dishes or cooking dinner? Maybe they’re not fast enough for you or you don’t think they do their chores properly. Yikes. Although you might have good intentions, this can be hurtful and make people feel like they’re not good enough. It’s not easy, but let people do their tasks. Distract yourself when they’re busy so you don’t sit there seething.
3. You Remind People To Take Their Medicine.
You’re a helpful person, but sometimes your actions come across as smothering or controlling. For example, if someone’s on antibiotics and you over-remind them to take their meds. This can lead to conflict in your relationships. Engage in calming practices, such as meditation, to surrender some control. Remind yourself that you’re never responsible for other people’s choices!
4. You Try To Protect People From Failure.
When your friend tells you she wants to quit her job and start a creative career, do you immediately tell her it’s a bad idea because you don’t want her to fail? If you said yes, this can turn your friend into an enemy. You’re trying to tell her what to do with her life, which is a no-no. Ask yourself what you’re really trying to do. Are you afraid of your own failure?
5. You Try To Make Your Friends Healthier.
Do you worry about your friends’ or partner’s health? Do you tell them to join you during your long hikes or tell them about the benefits of a clean diet? It’s cool to do this if they’re keen to change their lifestyle, but you can’t stress yourself out by trying to change them. Yes, you want your friends to be healthy so they’ll live to be 100, but you don’t want them to see you as annoying. Set yourself some healthy boundaries. Only talk about your healthy lifestyle if others ask you about it.
6. You Give Unsolicited Advice.
When your friend confides in you about her toxic BF or annoying co-worker, do you tell her what she should do to solve the problem or deal with the difficult situation? Um, don’t. This is never a good idea. People don’t take kindly to those who give them unsolicited advice (according to Verywell Mind, it causes stress). Only give advice to people who actually ask you for it. Or, ask them, “Would you like to know what I would do?” before going off on a tangent.
7. You Ask For A Favor, Then Do It Yourself.
If someone has agreed to help you pick up your dry cleaning or bake muffins for an upcoming brunch, you might make them feel unappreciated if you then go ahead and do it yourself. What the heck? This could be your controlling or perfectionist tendencies rearing their ugly heads again. In the future, try to be a bit more empathetic. Think about what the other person feels when treated like this.
8. You Struggle To Relax.
When you’re done with work for the day, do you feel anxious or like you can’t relax? This is a sign that you’re over-functioning in life. You don’t know when to stop and engage in self-care, which is super-needed, especially if you’re always pushing yourself too much. Be kind to yourself. Speak to yourself in the voice you’d use with your bestie. Remind yourself that you need to rest and recharge, or you won’t be able to put energy into chasing your goals.
9. You’re Scared To Ask For Help.
Yes, you want to do everything and more. Yes, you want to be super-independent because it feels good to handle your business, right? Well, it’s not always easy or possible. Sometimes, you have to reach out for help. Instead of being afraid to ask for help, remind yourself that you’re surrounded by people who care about you and want to help you! It can be hard, according to Harvard Business Review, but it’s one of the most courageous things you can do.
10. You Feel Like A Failure.
If your plans explode and you don’t get what you want, despite all your hard work, you freak out and feel like a big failure. Woah! You’re afraid to stop working so hard because you’re scared to fail or be rejected. But here’s the thing: if something’s not meant for you, it means something better’s on the way to you. Remind yourself of this when you need to talk yourself down from your perfectionist tendencies.
